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Original poster

Ghosted. What now?

65 replies

PollyJean · 20/01/2020 22:06

So I have been ghosted by someone who I was in a relationship with for 1.5-2 years. He just disappeared a month ago and I haven’t heard from him since. I texted once but no reply. Before then we were in touch about 3-4 times a week. What next? How do I deal with this? I don’t think blocking him will give me any closure.

OP posts:
Original poster
PollyJean · 20/01/2020 23:18

I think he has ghosted me for 2 reasons. I think he is a bit narcissistic and a few months ago started putting me down very occasionally in a very subtle way. I think he has just discarded me. As I say he’s a funny character and can be quite ruthless.

Second reason is that I am going through some personal problems (not a mental health thing, nothing unattractive, nothing that affects him in any way) and I think he doesn’t know how to deal with being supportive. All I need is the odd, “how are you doing?” but I don’t think he’s a giver.

OP posts:
Original poster
PollyJean · 20/01/2020 23:21

I know it sounds ridiculous but if you knew him you could imagine it. If a friend hurts him he just cuts them off forever. I must have done something that upset him. I have no idea. I was really really hurt in the first couple of weeks but now I’m more angry.

OP posts:
LolaDarkdestroyer · 20/01/2020 23:21

You're well lit of it then.

Original poster
PollyJean · 20/01/2020 23:23

I was thinking about blocking him but I’m too intrigued to know just in case he makes contact. He did disappear once before and he twisted it around and made out it was me who had ceased contact. I suspect he’s doing the same thing again. Maybe he’s too proud to contact me first but I want to be with someone who can put me and my feelings above their own pride.

OP posts:
Original poster
PollyJean · 20/01/2020 23:25

I met one family member and one friend but I don’t have their numbers. Even if I did I wouldn’t call them as he’s most likely fine and they would tell him and I would look like a fool.

OP posts:
Original poster
PollyJean · 20/01/2020 23:32

I think he must have moved on to someone else and didn’t know how to say it so just let the silence speak for him.

OP posts:
Macca84 · 20/01/2020 23:38

My arsehole ex used to do this. Then get back in touch, twist it round so it was my fault.. some kind of evil power trip game for him. So glad he's an ex!

Spartonian · 20/01/2020 23:39

You had a lucky escape by the sounds of it.

I would block him and move on

You won't get the answers you are wanting, it will be all your fault instead and with an added attempt at a guilt trip for not worrying and rushing round to check if he was ok.

Very lucky escape

PhilCornwall1 · 21/01/2020 05:16

If a friend hurts him he just cuts them off forever.

The ghosting is odd, but I can relate to the above. If someone hurts me they are gone forever.

Shev1996 · 21/01/2020 05:21

This isn’t ghosting, something more must have happened. You’ve been together over two years, this is a relationship breakdown. The fact that you aren’t slightly concerned about not hearing from him is odd. I would be contacting all his family members at this point worried

Redglitter · 21/01/2020 05:23

Do people really ghost a 2 year relationship

My ex did after a 12 year relationship. Changed his phone number came off SM and promptly moved in with a financially well off female

MyuMe · 21/01/2020 05:33

@Cherrygirl3 what happened with it in the end?

I'm there right now and whilst I sympathise I am so bored of it

MashedSpud · 21/01/2020 05:48

Have you ever been to his house?

Is he married?

Is it a long distance relationship?

sofato5miles · 21/01/2020 09:26

How established was your relationship? How did you meet, how often did you see him?

Original poster
PollyJean · 21/01/2020 09:30

I have been to his house. Not married. He lives far away so long distance relationship. Saw each other every 3 months but regular contact between. As established as any relationship can be. Lots of emotional closeness too. Or so I thought.

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Bluntness100 · 21/01/2020 09:34

So you've only met about eight times?

popsydoodle4444 · 21/01/2020 09:42

@PollyJean

Sounds like you guys were FWB more than in an actual relationship.

It's immature to ghost someone as an adult.If it's been a month it's time to cut your loses however I can imagine if it's been nearly 2 years your going to feel like poop for abit.

Glitterb · 21/01/2020 09:42

@PollyJean I wouldn’t bother texting him again now, if he wanted to contact you then what is stopping him? Especially if he has done it before as well

MoonlightBonnet · 21/01/2020 10:09

Ok, it was a very casual relationship. You weren’t in daily contact and only saw each other once every three months. And he sounds awful. So block him and forget about it.

Original poster
PollyJean · 21/01/2020 10:14

For the first year we saw each other about 4-5 times a week but then he had to move away for work so it became long distance. I thought we were in a committed relationship together but obviously I was wrong. I’m still angry and know I need to move on. I deserve better than being picked up and put down on a whim. I genuinely don’t think anything bad has happened to him. He’s just ghosted me because he’s a coward.

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LemonTT · 21/01/2020 10:20

Basically he moved away and you have only seen him 3-4 times in the last year.

The writing has been on the wall and it doesn’t sound like it was tenable.

Bluntness100 · 21/01/2020 10:27

He should never have ghosted you but seeing each other three or four times a year is not a commuted relationship I'm sorry, basically it ended when he left and became something much more casual

Original poster
PollyJean · 21/01/2020 11:01

You’re probably right but we were still talking a lot. I think it was over for him but he just didn’t tell me.

OP posts:
moderate · 21/01/2020 11:33

You texted once?

If for some reason he didn't get that text... maybe he thinks you're the one who ghosted him?

PenelopeFlintstone · 21/01/2020 11:36

What did your last text say? Were you arguing?