I need a good talking to

[WinterSunshine101]

Hi all,

I've posted about this before on different user names. But I seem unable to actually take any advice and do anything. I'm so cross at myself but terrified of doing anything about it.

My partner is abusive and controlling. We have 3 children (between 1 & 5) and I'm desperate to get away from him. There are moments when things feel OK, but then the same old stuff happens. He also has severe OCD (re 'dirt') which is now starting to really affect how we can operate as a family, and what the children do.

I'm aware that my resentment of him and the whole situation is now so great, that I feel angry all the time. I'm naturally a very calm, happy person, but I can feel myself becoming someone I dislike, and I'm behaving in ways I don't like around the children (getting cross, rushing them etc).

There is no way my partner would have a reasonable conversation with me about this, and no way he would leave of his own free will. I honestly feel like my only option is to leave, with the children. I have found a small rental house for a short term, in the hope that we can work out a decent future.
There are so many reasons though that I just can't bring myself to actually do it.

I feel terrible that I'd be breaking up our family. I'd be taking my children away from a truly amazing house and all they know. I don't really want to be on my own, and I know it will be bloody hard. And I'm scared about how things will eventually work out. Or not.

Also my partner tells me that it's my fault the bad things happen, so I'm scared that it really is me and my children will be better off with him. I also contacted womens aid who advised me that technically he could notify the police that I abducted the children, which is absolutely not a good thing.

My best friend is aware of the situation and obviously has told me that I need to leave, and when we talk about it it feels so clear cut. But then I don't do anything, and it's all back to square one.

Please someone talk some sense into me.

It's great that you've seen somewhere you like the look of and applied. Best wishes and please let us know how everything goes. xxxxx

Can I gently suggest you watch episodes five and six of Silent witness (current series, 23) “Seven Times”. That might really open up your eyes to what might happen if you stay...and the effect it will have on your children.

You say you’ve had some terrible times...would it not be worth ringing women’s aid again and seeing if there is a refuge so you can go quickly?

Have you ever considered ringing the police when he’s hurting you?

Big hugs, I hope you keep rereading this post.

You ARE strong my love, stronger than you realise .

Hello everyone.
Thank you so much for everything so far. This afternoon I found out I've been accepted on a house. Exact date for keys is unknown (probably a couple of weeks), but I've done it.
I've actually done it.
Initially I felt sick, then really, really sad. Now just a bit determined. I've told two friends (one close by, another far away) and they've been so supportive. Only one knows the full story, but it's really amazed me how great they've been. It's yet another realisation that my partner has made me feel like it's 'just us' for so long. It isn't as it turns out. Deep down I think I knew that, but I honestly thought no one else was bothered. Every day lately is so enlightening.
Thank you all.