Do I break up with him?

[sweetnsuga123]

I've been with my boyfriend for a bit over 3 years. We are both 22. He lives with a female housemate at uni who I was a bit worried about. My boyfriend knows I feel like this. They go to the gym together everyday which I was fine with but this week he has ignored my messages and I saw him on her story chatting just them two in the house and they also went for a meal just them two. He also waited in the nail shop with her while she got her nails done.

She then said yesterday when I was there that he had been doing pull ups with her on his back in the gym which made me feel sick.

I asked him about it and he said that he playfights with all of his housemates but I said it's obviously different because she's a girl. He barely said anything and basically said 'sorry you feel like that'. My friends and family are telling me to end things, what do you think?

Have you posted before about this? Tbh he has his cake and eats it and you feel insecure. Unless the situation changes, and you both need to want to, you will continue to have doubts. Maybe it has run its course.

End it he's definitely way to close to her and his "sorry you feel like that " is low level gaslighting.
You can do so much better than him

Don't stay with someone who makes you feel second best op.

Dump him move on and look to going out with someone who makes you feel important.

If you don't trust him, then there's zero point being with him. Cut your losses.

If it’s making you feel rubbish and he’s not really reassuring you then end it. I’m almost 24 and recently split up with my boyfriend of 4 years, wish I’d had the sense to do it sooner!

Ultimately only you can make the decision. I’m now dating a guy who is so much more up my street in all ways. Being of a similar age I think, ‘would I want to spend the rest of my life with this person? Can I see myself eventually marrying them?’ With my ex I can now see that no I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life with him, but with the new guy although it is early days I can.

If he lives with her then this problem isn't just going to go away.
You need to decide if you can live with it.
I would say cut your losses and walk away. He doesn't care enough to acknowledge his actions are causing you pain.

Walk away. Don't waste anymore of your time on him. You deserve so much better.

You're not happy.

He doesn't seem to care that you're not happy.

I think you should, without any drama, end things.

@LIZS No I haven't posted about this before.

End it. Time to move on.

At this age group the gender should be irrelevant, they are mates socialising together and mucking about. If they wished to be together they would. It's not like you're married or something, or there are kids.

The ignorning you is an issue. You're jealous of her and their relationship. I'm assuming you perceive her to be attractive.

I suspect the relationship is coming to an end. Particularly if this really is just his friend and he's doing nothing different with her than he would with his male housemates. Inc the gym messing about.

My daughter shared a house with guys at uni, she would mess about with them, have dinner with them, the Gender wasn't relevant. If any girlfriend had been jealous and tried to stop the friendship the guys would have dumped them for unreasonable behaviour.

Bottom line is at 22 if they wished to be together they would be, and you'd be gone. As they aren't, it indicates both or one of them doesn't wish this. So hence there is nothing going on.

@bluntness100 Of course the gender matters. If you have a girlfriend you shouldn't have another girl on your back and playfighting. If your last point was true people would never cheat or have affairs they would just break up with their partner and move on so that's an odd point to make aswell, regardless of the age group.

Cut your losses.

I dont see the issue with play fighting if they aren't attracted to each other and just good friends.

And at 22 when you don't live together or share responsibilities then yes folks tend to move on.

He's clearly very good friends with her, they live together and he's not going to end his friendship or change his behaviour due to your jealousy. And nor should he. If he is cheating and you don't Trust him you should end it.

Either way one of you should call time.

You are now the girlfriend who says cut all contact with any females and change the way you behave because of me.
You don't trust him and there's no future. End it before you embarrass yourself

It is normal for sixth form relationships to end when one or both of you goes to uni. It's time to move on for both of you.

We are not in a sixth form relationship. We are both 22 and I have graduated still in a relationship with him @torktorkbam

You started dating in university three years ago but he's still there?

I agree with blunt and a few others

You obviously don't trust him. I had mainly male friends at that age and would mess around and play fight. Doesn't mean they are sleeping together.

I'd end it before you turn into the girlfriend that says he can't do this or that and can't have female friends and can't go for a platonic dinner etc.

Of course the fact that he is with you is not proof in itself that nothing is going on with the housemate. What a weird comment that was Cheating is definitely a thing. I think most of us could confirm that from bitter experience at some point.

I wouldn't be happy in your shoes, OP. I'd definitely be ending things. Life is too short and you are supposed to be enjoying your twenties! Don't waste any more of these years on this idiot. He's essentially dating her, isn't he? Even if they haven't physically cheated. It's a pattern of behaviour and it's pretty obvious really. Going for a meal with a friend? Fine. Going to the gym with a friend? Fine. But it's the fact that it's all the time, and that he ignores you to be with her. And they push these quite ordinary things over the line e.g. friendly workouts are OK but sitting on his back while he does pushups is couple territory. I can't imagine any of my friends waiting while I get my nails done. DH would have done pre-DC when we were dating and I actually had the time/money for stuff like that.

@TorkTorkBam I started uni at the normal time, he had a gap before he started