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Original poster

Am I in the wrong? Advice on what to do.. hurt!

37 replies

neilallen1 · 19/01/2020 01:56

Hey guys sorry this is going to be a bit long winded just wanted advice.. I met a girl not through very nice circumstances as she was a nurse in the hospital looking after a person I’m very close to that was passing away... soon as I seen her I felt something our eyes connected like something I never had before... we always used to talk while she was working and she always made my relative laugh and she actually only felt safe with this nurse even noticed she was picking up extra shifts! one day I was walking out as she was finishing she asked for my number to keep in touch I said sure so I gave it her then a few weeks after my relative passed away she messaged to see how I was doing.. It started off normal chatting then got a bit deeper I really started to fall for her I started meeting her For about a week and chatting for hours while together nothing ever happened apart from a kiss(which she acted strange about after) then she dropped a bomb shell and told me she’s got a boyfriend who she’s not happy with and that she doesn’t want to be with him.. I thought fair enough as we have all been there.. but then after this she said she needed to leave me alone and sort her head out (I was a little hurt and felt used tbh was gutted) so a month passed and then I got a message out the blue saying I was on her mind she wanted to text days ago but just didn’t.. anyway she said she needed to talk in person I met her and she told me she’s finished with her boyfriend and that she thinks that if she got to no me she could end up loving me(we always happy when together) she told me she moved out and needed space to see what she wanted so we was meeting everyday for another week nothing happened again just a kiss... but then she was telling me she liked me but she feels guilty for leaving someone that loves her (which if that was me if I felt so strong about someone I would leave and wouldn’t look back) Then the last day I met her she was telling me she wanted to be with me one day and that he’s not right for her she wanted to find out what it was that we both had/felt! Anyway next morning she texted saying I think I need to leave you alone as I don’t no what to do but I also don’t want to lose you ! I sort of flipped because this is twice now she’s picked me up and dropped me once again I felt used and hurt because out of my whole past I actually fell hard for her I really like her In fact I think I love her.. but I flipped because I was hurt and I told her I’m not being a side peice or Coming second best and that she needed to leave me alone barring in mind I was grieving which she was aware of ! She knew what she was doing I think.. I told her if she doesn’t leave me alone I will tell her boyfriend because if she can’t be honest to her self that’s no fair on him or me because we’re both getting hurt then I called her a slag I admit that is wrong but it’s because I feel so hurt !! Anyway she’s blocked me and I think she’s still with him it’s a month down line still nothing.. I just feel like theses feelings are not going away I feel stuck in a shit place thought of never finding out what we had actually makes me feel sick Because I no we could of been something I have never had feelings like this in my whole life what should I do ? Please don’t be harsh it’s took me alot to ask for advice thank you for reading

OP posts:
deepreasoning · 19/01/2020 02:30

I will be totally honest, I think you should have been more patient with her and given her time and support. She was clearly in a bad place with her former relationship and needed time to sort that out.

However. You were also grieving, and your emotions will have been sky high and your tolerance to others will have been low. You were vulnerable yourself and not in a great place.

So look, don't beat yourself up, we all make mistakes. You should not of called her a slag or threatened to tell her boyfriend, that was wrong and you had no right.

The only thing I can suggest is you write a letter to apologise for your actions as you were grieving and in a bad place. You could ask her to forgive you and give you a second chance and leave it to see if she gets back in contact.

Or.....if you think you were in the right, you need to walk away. Leave this person as a memory and move on.

alvinp · 19/01/2020 04:37

Threatening to tell her ex and calling her a slag? She trusted you with her thoughts and feelings and you threatened to break that trust. You need to be patient, and learn to respect people's privacy.
Mate, no wonder she blocked you.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 19/01/2020 04:40

You called her a slag.
Shock

Scatterlit · 19/01/2020 04:41

Yeah, right. Nurses in high-dependency units/hospices regularly take extra shifts to pick up relatives of their dying patients.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/01/2020 04:44

then I called her a slag

She's smart to block you. Leave her alone and move on with your life.

Honeyroar · 19/01/2020 04:53

She was unfair in how she was treating you, and you’d have been right to tell her to back off for a few weeks and decide properly, but having called her a slag and threatened to tell her boyfriend you have completely blown it! I can understand that you were fragile at the time (I blew up at someone irrationally last year when my husband was in icu) but it doesn’t change anything. You blew it and she’s not going to be interested anymore. Get counselling (grief counselling even) to help move in?

Original poster
neilallen1 · 19/01/2020 07:02

She told me she did and she kept on accepting bank shifts she told me so yeah don’t judge before you no and yeah I called her a slag because she was hurting me twice I don’t think she was actually interested I think she was just playing games.. and she wasn’t in high dependency unit it was a normal ward.......

OP posts:
Original poster
neilallen1 · 19/01/2020 07:08

So you all agree with cheating because that’s what she was doing ? Playing both of us and I heard rumours she does it all the time... so if that was your partners doing it to yous you would be fine with that ?

OP posts:
MashedSpud · 19/01/2020 07:09

And in next weeks episode of Casualty.

filka · 19/01/2020 07:35

She's using you as an insurance policy if she can't maintain her existing relationship which is having ups and downs. So you're her second choice, which I think is not where you want to be. I think you are right to walk away.

"Slag" seems to accurately describe her behaviour "a girl that plays around with a guys feelings, leads him on etc," but was a very aggressive word to use if you were trying to keep/save the relationship. I suppose she has stopped being one as she is no longer leading you on.

Allcrimps · 19/01/2020 07:39

You called her a slag. She's had a lucky escape by the sounds of it. I get you're grieving and hurt, but if words like that trip off your tongue I wouldn't want yo know.

Fallsballs · 19/01/2020 07:49

Slag 🙄

YasssKween · 19/01/2020 07:54

Are you both very young OP?

MrsAJ27 · 19/01/2020 07:59

You were rude and unsupportive, she has blocked you so move on.

CodenameVillanelle · 19/01/2020 08:01

You don't have anything with this woman. She's messed you about and you've verbally abused and threatened her. She's done the right thing by blocking you - it was toxic. Pick yourself up and move on - and learn to manage your emotions properly so you don't find yourself threatening or abusing women who break up with you or hurt your feelings.

Dontjumptoconclusions · 19/01/2020 08:32

That response was a bit extra. If this is what she can expect when things don't go your way, then it's good she knows, I guess.

I'd say leave it for now. Sounds like the way her head is, she will unblock you soon enough and message you herself. She seems to like creating drama for herself, so yeah, look out for it!

Buggedandconfused · 19/01/2020 08:36

A slag? Urgh no, just no.

She’s well rid of you, I hope she doesn’t unblock you and you leave her alone...forever.

MrsGrindah · 19/01/2020 08:37

Are you that character from Little Britain? “ so yeah but”

HoneysuckleSpeck · 19/01/2020 08:42

She’s a high maintenance, pain in the arse drama queen.

AnnaFiveTowns · 19/01/2020 10:21

I was on your side until you called her a slag. FFS.

JorisBonson · 19/01/2020 11:53

Jeremy Kyle amungo

HollysTeflonSeptum · 19/01/2020 12:02

Maybe she just really averse to walls of text.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 19/01/2020 12:24

You called her a slag. She's absolutely done the right thing blocking you. Clearly your opinion of her is awful, why are you still giving this any thought? It's done. I'm sorry about your relative, but you need time to grieve properly without drama.

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 19/01/2020 12:31

I think if a male medical professional had behaved this way to a grieving female who had just lost a close relative, passing on his number, developing a relationship while still in one then picking her up and dropping her again he'd be rightly ripped to absolute shreds on here.

Don't ever use the word slag OP. You lose all moral high ground because it's never acceptable to call anyone that. No matter what this woman did she is never that.

YasssKween · 19/01/2020 12:37

@WendyMoiraAngelaDarling

I think if a male medical professional had behaved this way to a grieving female who had just lost a close relative, passing on his number, developing a relationship while still in one then picking her up and dropping her again he'd be rightly ripped to absolute shreds on here. Don't ever use the word slag OP. You lose all moral high ground because it's never acceptable to call anyone that. No matter what this woman did she is never that.

All of this. In spades.

I know I asked before OP but are you very young?

It sounds like you are, be careful of diving in and kidding yourself there's depth to what you think is intensity but is fantasy until you properly know someone. Especially at times you are already highly emotional.

As everyone has said, calling a woman a slag is a real red flag for most of us. It's such a hateful word that is never used about men and reinforces the idea that we are lesser than men. It's the biggest turn off when it comes to words and you really need to think about why it was your instinctive reaction to being rejected. Not a healthy knee jerk response at all.