Partner drinks after work

[dg8484]

My partner drinks after work every Friday. He doesn't have an issue with drink. I wouldn't want him to do things for our child because he's obviously been drinking and is fairly drunk, leaving me to be the one to sort everything for our child.

Is this fair to me?

As long as you get the same amount of time to do as you please

Do you think it’s fair? When does he get in?
How are things during the rest of the week?

I don't go out as he works long hours in the week, and I prefer to make weekends time to be all together

@PurpleDaisies
Personally I don't feel like it is. He falls asleep straight away on a Friday when I've been looking forward to him coming In. I get that he's worked all week but I don't know. He does sometimes also drink on week nights other then Friday.
I don't know if I'm overreacting just wanted to grasp different opinions

You just gotta let some shit slide. Let him have his Friday drink. Can you join him? Would that be an option?

What do the two of you do for fun? What time do you get to do something just for you?

I think you are over-reacting slightly. So he goes out for a drink on a Friday, so do plenty of other people. Perhaps take it in turns and you go out with your friends some Fridays.

What time does he get in? How old are the DC? Is he up and ready to do stuff the next morning?

yAbu for not doing leisure stuff yourself - needn’t be boozing/socialising.

@HilaryBriss sorry don't want to give the wrong opinion, I haven't actually said anything to him about it I just wanted an opinion. We have a very young child (2months old) and I suppose I am just feeling like he should step back a bit from the drinking when I need him and look forward to seeing him

Everybody needs to have a good work/life balance, and the problem is, children are work, albeit unpaid work.

Not having downtime or leisure time for yourself isn't healthy. Let it go.

@Dozer he's never late, latest 7pm, but he has a shower and falls straight asleep. I don't want to sound unreasonable. Our child is 2 months old. I do refuse my friends invites out on the majority of occasions but I think I'm just concentrating on family

@NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 I understand what you're saying, you're right, maybe my family/own time balance isn't right. I don't think he would give up his Friday drinks to allow my time out. Then there could be Saturday but then I feel like I'm missing my family time. I don't know what's best to do

Have you other kids? If not then tbh your 2 month old won't know whether you are all together at weekends or not. Unless you are breastfeeding you should start to take a few hours out for yourself at the weekend/evening when partner is home, and let your partner mind the baby.

I think for me every week would be too much but then DH never did that every week before children so it’d be uncharacteristic. What time does he finish work if he’s back from drinking at 7pm?
Does he pull his weight helping with the baby other nights? I was sleep deprived and exhausted when my DD was 2 months old and needed DH to be with it and able to help when he was home

@NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 sorry I didn't see your other comment. I don't think he would want me to join him and I'd be worried I'd look like the clingy partner so I don't want to ask him. We used to have a lot of date nights but since our baby came we haven't been on one (limited childcare options)
Weekends we don't do a great deal as he says he likes to stay home and relax, we do normal things like go out shopping, for food etc. I'm ok with this but I don't do anything on my own

OP have I understood this correctly

He goes for drinks once a week, is back by 7pm, so perfectly fine the next day?

But you think he’d refuse you an evening drink?

@Drum2018 we have another child but she is older (8) but I think you're right I should maybe make an effort for me time

@user1471449295
He finishes early on a Friday (3pm) I know it's not a night out as such. When he has been drinking he takes a step back. He does help with the baby but he likes to use his PlayStation a lot so I do things then but if I asked him to do something he would stop and do it. If ever we have a little arguement (not too often) he tends to go upstairs and stays there and im left with the kids downstairs. I just probably feel he can sometimes do what he wants

Guessing he finishes work at 4/5, has a few pints, comes home and is knackered after a week's work. This is a bit of a non issue.

I think you’re being unreasonable. You both still need to have a life and socialise. You don’t have to do everything in just your little family unit. When I had a 2 month old I’d tag along with DH to the pub (early doors with baby) have a drink then go home. It’s good that he gets some downtime outside of work, and you should too! DH still goes to the local pub every Friday and I enjoy the peace and quiet and take my turn another night whilst he stays in. Then occasionally my parents will look after DS so we can go out together. It’s all give and take.

Cross post OP. Friday beers aren't the issue then, it's the PlayStation.

@AutumnRose1 I know it sounds unreasonable. It's sometimes twice a week. I suppose it's the fact that I don't get any help on them times. Pre second baby, there has been "moods" from him if I've wanted to go out

I don't want to sound unreasonable he's a very good dad and partner. I just had a few thoughts about it and wanted to see if I was being unfair

It’s a bit crap to fall asleep for the eve at 7pm.

“Moods” if you want to go out isn’t on either.

@Dozer I think that's the part that gets to me the most

Can you not go out once a week and leave him will the baby? So you can have time to yourself