Partner drinks after work

[dg8484]

My partner drinks after work every Friday. He doesn't have an issue with drink. I wouldn't want him to do things for our child because he's obviously been drinking and is fairly drunk, leaving me to be the one to sort everything for our child.

Is this fair to me?

The mood thing is shitty behaviour.

I think if you took time for yourself, this post work drinks woilsnt be a big deal.

I think you should set up a standing night out with friends on Saturday or a weekend brunch date on Sunday

Posted too soon

The reason for this is that you both deserve to have some down time, and if you schedule this it will be predictable, in the diary, easy for everyone to remember.

Just saw the post about his "moods" definitely have a day once a week were you get to go out. He cant have it both ways

Reading between the lines he's not really pulling his weight with the baby/home stuff at other times? Plus you no longer get a date night and you don't have time to yourself.

You can fix the third thing - let him know you're heading out for a coffee with friend/art class/concert and hand him the baby before you leave. If you don't have plans make some, even if it's sitting in a cafe resting your eyes....

My feeling is that you sent out the Original post and when you didn't get the response you wanted you have been adding other stuff to get ppl to agree with you.
The problem isn't that he goes out on a Friday, its that you don't seem to have any life outside the family.
Go out with friends, or alternatively join a class. Just get a part of your life that is your own

Your mindset is wrong. He isnt helping out when you ask him. It’s parenting. His role as well as yours. He isnt helping you with housework when you ask him. He is being an adult loving in a home with others. This doesnt make him a great partner. This makes him not so shit.

Having to be asked to be an adult is shit.
Going to bed at 7pm on a friday is shit. And selfish.

Sulking when you make plans to go out is so you wont make plans to go out. This is appalling and is often part of an abusive relationship.

Does he do a fair share of domestic work and parenting (not “helping”), in general?

@Cheeseandwin5
This is untrue
I haven't entered this for a slating contest about my partner

Nothing wrong with going out for drinks (and you should make time to do something you enjoy). Every week might be a bit much. Sometimes you just need a quiet weekend.

But he shouldn’t be incapable of parenting. 3-7pm is not a long time. Unless he’s pounding shots that whole time, surely he should be able to still come home and parent. Dh and I crack open a bottle of wine, oh, about now on a Friday and drink for 4 hours or so. We are not falling asleep or unable cook dinner and tidy the house and to bathe our children and put them to bed.

I think it dies him good to go out once a week. You should also get some downtime in return though.

I get it. You agreed to be a SAHM together but now you do everything and you hardly get any opportunity to go out and if you do he sulks.

It’s not always easy to just join a class when you have a newborn and you might not want to leave them at this age, it’s personal preference.

What I would say is when little one is a bit older get your ducks in a row by going back to work.

Oh, so the real issue is that he’s not okay with you having a social life. You need to talk to him about that for sure.

I think yabu. Sorry. He’s home early even though he goes out on a Friday, but is tired. I think you’re being a bit mean to him.

Do you actually want to go out, or do you want him to stop so no one is going out?

@ThroughThickAndThin01 even though he sulks when op hoes out so it stops her wanting to go out? Really? You think thats acceptable?

I wish there was a way to stop people with such low expectations giving advice like it is normal and acceptable.

Him having a few drinks on a Friday night would be ok for most people.

What's confusing here is you don't seem to want to go out, so it's not that you don't get the opportunity you want to just be with him and the kids, and you want him to be the exact same as you and want what you want. His wants aren't really relevant right?

Sounds like you're letting a lot side op. He's unavailable on Fridays and he's on his play station at other times

Why don't you suggest to him that he goes out ever other Friday and he cuts down on other nights out and PlayStation time

What is it with men who have children and don't expect their lives to change at all and carry on as normal. But expect their partners lives to change completely when the dc come along

How 'easy' is the baby? Ours had a witching hour thing from about 6pm - 10pm where they would need to be carried around constantly and rocked and sung to otherwise constant screaming. It only lasted about 10 weeks or so but it was definitely a two man job, it would have been soul destroying pacing up and down for hours by yourself and difficult to have a meal or cup of tea etc. It didnt last long though and after a few months when things settled down I didnt mind him going out. We never spoke about it just both stayed in for those months (I think partly out of solidarity and party we knew if one of us went out the other wouke want their turn and neither of us would have coped very well on our own). If your baby doesn cry much or cluster feed and goes to sleep without too much fuss I wouldnt be as bothered