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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

No judgement please just advice!n

32 replies

Sunny131 · 16/01/2020 19:47

Hi Y'all,
I need some advice, I have been with my other half for 9 years we are living together and are not married just to give you some background.

We argue quite frequently but there is one comment which really gets on my nerves.

Tonight I've come in and I'm knackered from work, I asked him if he fancied a takeaway as I was too tired to cook and he doesn't cook.

He states that we are eating too many takeaways, we must have one once every 3 weeks or so. I'm absolutely shattered otherwise I would have cooked.

He said we shouldn't be eating them especially me as I'm on a diet and trying to loose weight. I haven't said this to him, I have just been eating healthier. My response was that I'm happy with myself and it's not a big deal if I have one takeaway today.

His response was if I continue I'll be double the size and he won't be helping to lug me out of bed.

He claims he's trying to help me by saying these things but personally I don't respond well to guilt tripping.

I'm currently sat upstairs watching tele as I don't know how to react to these comments.

He is a very slender guy and I know I'm not the slimmest but I'm ok with myself. I'm an average UK size 14. I just don't know if I'm in the wrong here or he is?!

I've just said to him I'm not having you talking to me like this, and he stated I'm getting bigger and bigger when my weight hasn't changed!

Any advice welcome!

OP posts:

GoodnightJude1 · 16/01/2020 19:50

Order yourself a takeaway and get him ‘taken away’ while you’re at it.

You’re a grown woman and can decide yourself what you do/don’t want to eat.

BumbleBeee69 · 16/01/2020 19:50

Tell him to piss of.. order your own takeaway lady..

3rdchristmaslucky · 16/01/2020 19:52

Girl get yourself his favourite takeaway and don't share it.
Tell the man child to feed himself.

Delbelleber · 16/01/2020 19:55

Haha definitely order your own takeaway! Tell him it's none of his business what you eat and you'll eat when and whatever you want to. I can't stand other people's comments on weight.

LJenn · 16/01/2020 19:58

Tell him that if he's that concerned about your weight... maybe HE could make you something healthier seeing as though you're wrecked from work all day. Also, if he's trying to "help" so much.. making comments and making you feel like shit won't help😑😑.

Original poster

Sunny131 · 16/01/2020 19:58

Soooo I ordered the takeaway and came back downstairs to get it. He has cooked his own tea yet he won't cook mine and told me I'm getting bigger and bigger and shouldn't be eating it. I told him my weight hasn't changed and he disagrees. I properly don't know what to say to this!

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 16/01/2020 20:01

He's a grown man and he doesn't cook? ...you could dump him for that alone lol.

I'd stop cooking for him entirely.

In the meantime, I agree with the other posters, get a takeaway for you and let him fend for himself.

bigchris · 16/01/2020 20:04

Get rid of him , the rude lazy arsehole

restingbitchface30 · 16/01/2020 20:05

Wow u do need to lose some weight....... him. What an absolute bell he sounds. Why does he not cook?

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/01/2020 20:07

So he can cook, just not for you.

Wanker.

tictac86 · 16/01/2020 20:08

I hope your enjoying your take away. He sounds mean, I wouldn't put up with this but it's easier said then done

Pinkbonbon · 16/01/2020 20:09

Is he normally a miserable asshole? Dies he comment negatively on you or your appearance in other ways?

Original poster

Sunny131 · 16/01/2020 20:09

He states he doesn't know how and he doesn't like it.states because he does the DIY that's enough, when i do that with him and the cleaning and tea everyday. Even when hes off work and I'm in i still have to do the tea. My problem is that i love him, otherwise i wouldn't put up with it... I know that sounds silly!

OP posts:

Original poster

Sunny131 · 16/01/2020 20:12

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 16/01/2020 20:14

He doesn't clean either? Ffs. Please don't tell me you wash all the dishes after cooking for him every night too? While he sits scratching his bahoochy in front of the telly.

1950's called, they want him back.

Never love someone more than you respect yourself!

Original poster

Sunny131 · 16/01/2020 20:15

He comments on how clean the house is when i do the dishes and washing all week and clean through the house on the weekend. And comments on how i spend my money, i have told him it's my money though...he's on double my money but says he's concerned that I'll get him into debt because I've had a vet bill I've been paying off for a while.

OP posts:

Queenoftheashes · 16/01/2020 20:16

Why hasn’t he offered to cook your dinner then? What a cunt.

Original poster

Sunny131 · 16/01/2020 20:18

I understand when he doesn't cook because he's been on a 12 hour shift, but i dont get the fact he cooked his own because i went upstairs!

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 16/01/2020 20:19

Good grief op he is awful. He wants a hot skivvy, not a partner.

Original poster

Sunny131 · 16/01/2020 20:21

My issue is that i do love him and i have been with him for 9 years. I do still stand up for myself but he seems to just say what the hell he likes. I told him earlier i wont have him talking to me like that and he said he doesn't care it needs to be said. It's as if I'm out of control of the relationship, and I'm his house wife yet i work 40 hour weeks

OP posts:

DeeCeeCherry · 16/01/2020 20:22

God he sounds attractive - Not.

mbosnz · 16/01/2020 20:25

How do you love someone who treats you so rudely and contemptuously? I'd be telling him to shut his nasty bloody gob, and I hope he likes it on the sofa, because he's sure as hell not sleeping in my bed tonight.

Pinkbonbon · 16/01/2020 20:27

He did it to spite you because he's a spiteful little man child. It was to punish you. And people who do that are not capable of healthy, give and take relationships.

I don't even think this is a 'put your foot down' scenario... More if a kick his ass to the kerb one.

Googling 'the sunken cost fallacy in relationships' might be worthwhile.

namechange49 · 16/01/2020 20:30

I loved my ex- totally

But he was really horrible to me- he, over the years, called me fat, called me a deeply unpleasant person, accused me of starving my newborn

He moved on to physical violence - but really that's just where they go. It's all part of the same picture.

YasssKween · 16/01/2020 20:30

He doesn't even sound like he likes you, he's horrible to you. Don't you want a teammate who is a proper partner and wants you both to be happy?

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