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Original poster

Help - is this normal pre-date behaviour?

38 replies

ashleyanne2016 · 14/01/2020 00:13

So met a guy just before Xmas at a party, seemed nice shared a kiss at the end exchanged numbers. He texted me over Xmas about meeting up - arranged to met up next week, holidays abroad for both of us hence the delay. All fine. Issue is he keeps instigating texts with how was your day? your weekend ? etc. I reply it's ignored for days on end, I get a text again how was your day etc. Got a text yesterday how was your weekend? again replied - ignored again. Got a bit pissed off over it, texted this morning to say that I wasn't sure about meeting up seeing as his texts seem really insincere why bother texting me when he's obviously not that interested in how my day/weekend actually went as he ignores it. Got told to relax and chill out, not to read into things, we were still meeting up, didn't reply. Got about 8 texts in the space of 10 mins didn't respond to any.

Replied tonight and said I text you back as it's polite and the decent thing to do, not because I've nothing else to do, told him I've actually cancelled a date to see him on the same night and I really can't be bothered if he's playing mind games. That I would have preferred if he's not a texter, just don't text me we made plans, I agreed I'd see him on the night.

He started grovelling saying oh I'm crap with texting, I'm better chatting 1:1, I'm sorry will you still see me?. I haven't replied.

I'm out of a 15 year relationship about 10 months and this is my first date but is this crap normal? My friend said Red flag! would appreciate some wise MN's advice.

OP posts:
Thekindyoufindinasecondhand · 14/01/2020 00:16

Yeah I'd go with your gut on this one. He's acting interested, doesn't seem genuine.

YappityYapYap · 14/01/2020 00:18

I would say it is and can I just say well done for expressing yourself and setting a standard of how you should be treated! It's all "you'll look needy" and "play it cool" these days. Piss off. The only rule for dating is to be yourself. Yourself doesn't like idiots starting conversations that said idiot isn't invested in and someone making no effort when there should be some effort at least!

MotherofDogs3 · 14/01/2020 00:24

Yeah i wouldnt bother if it was me. I was chatting to a guy before who was exactly the same as your guy. I never met him in the end and later found out he was seeing his ex again while trying to meet me 🙄 I just think when a guys interested and genuine it shows even just by messaging you.

Original poster
ashleyanne2016 · 14/01/2020 00:30

Thanks all, I'm generally pretty chilled far from needy and pretty secure in myself but I'm struggling with the entire dating scene now. My niece in her late 20's has floored me with double texting, ghosting, haunting, bread crumbing etc. All sounds grim I might stay single for a bit!

OP posts:
Deadsouls · 14/01/2020 00:37

I think he is being flaky and I wouldn't bother tbh.
Those texts 'how are you?' Etc, then nothing, is like him fishing to see if you're still there and he will get a response.

Like you, I'd think, 'why are you even bothering?'

And to be then told, 'chill out' etc...as though you're the one with the problem! When all you did was call him out on flaky communication! How patronising!

You could just put a lid on it and say something like, 'after some reflection, I've decided I don't want to meet up with you. All the best' or something like that.

Waste of time

TimeForPlentyIn2020 · 14/01/2020 01:42

Did you answer him with a reciprocal question, asking him about his day, or were you just replying with ‘fine’ or somesuch?

Onthemaintrunkline · 14/01/2020 01:52

When in doubt do nowt, an old maxim, but still as pertinent today. Any doubts, don’t go there.

Original poster
ashleyanne2016 · 14/01/2020 01:58

I did respond with questions asking how he was etc. he said the one thing he picked up on was that I was interested in people. I also got sent an aubergine on the very last text I looked it up ha!

OP posts:
Bubs101 · 14/01/2020 02:29

Red Flag. All you're asking for is basic communication and he's telling you to chill out?? Can only imagine what he's going to be like further down the line. It's better to set a precedence for what you expect, or men will take the piss.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/01/2020 02:45

Fuck that. Red flag as far as I'm concerned. Block and don't give him another thought.

notangelinajolie · 14/01/2020 02:57

Messaging and texting isn't real life and for that reason I would give him the benefit of doubt and see him once. Be extra diligent and the slightest red flag I'd be outa there.

katy1213 · 14/01/2020 03:38

I couldn't be arsed with anyone who texts. Either talk to me - or don't bother.

DuMondeB · 14/01/2020 04:12

It shouldn’t be this difficult when you’ve not even been on a date yet!

SnorkMaiden81 · 14/01/2020 04:22

Ugh. The Aubergine.

Envy < not envy

Monty27 · 14/01/2020 04:23

Bin him off. I reckon it might be round robin texts. To see who's most keen.
I'm not cynical. Oh no not me Hmm

Mmer · 14/01/2020 04:27

Just don't respond to his texts. Block his number. That will show him how extremely chill you are!

surlycurly · 14/01/2020 05:52

I wouldn't meet him just for the aubergine alone. He sounds like a timewaster who will ultimately blame you. Bin him

Nothavingfunrightnow · 14/01/2020 07:07

He's a tosser. Bin him. Don't even engage with him. Bin and block.

Legallybleachblonde · 14/01/2020 07:18

An aubergine 🙈 ummm move on OP. It shouldn't be this stressful. Good luck!

hettysdrawers · 14/01/2020 07:22

I had one like this- except he would also arrange to meet (in a 'let's go bowling on Thursday evening in X town' way) then I'd message on the day or the night before to agree a time etc and he'd blank me. He had his WhatsApp time stamp hidden but if I clicked into our conversation I could see he was online and ignoring the message. He'd then text me the next day all chatty totally ignoring the fact we'd been meant to meet.

Called him out on it, and the fact I knew he was ignoring the message when he tried to say he hadn't seen it, then blocked him so he couldn't send me the pathetic 'oh but I do really like you, I just got busy at work' shit. Probably had a girlfriend or seeing multiple people.

Like PP say, bin him, he's wasting your time and as for the aubergine, he can fuck right off Confused

73Sunglasslover · 14/01/2020 07:44

Definitely one to walk away from. He's being disingenuous, unreflective and a bit bullying. And this is usually the best bit of a relationship!

Hadtoask · 14/01/2020 08:14

What does double texting signify? Sorry OP. I’d like to know pls

ISpeakJive · 14/01/2020 08:44

Oh no! Not the aubergine!!!!! 🍆

Dump!

Nifflernancy · 14/01/2020 09:25

Gross!!

Bin him off!

TwentyViginti · 14/01/2020 09:34

I know what 'ghosting' is but what is 'haunting'?