To text or to leave it?

[DatingNightmare]

Ok so, went on a date on Saturday. Had a really good time. Ended up spending the night and he stayed until late afternoon. He made comments about 'next time' and he seemed really keen.

However, I've not heard anything since. I know it's not been very long but obviously in the digital era this is confusing me a little. I don't know whether I should be confused or not, because on the one hand pre-date he was genuinely not the constantly texting type.

I'm not fussed about spending the night with him. I would've normally overthought it but dating has made me realise that I'm not really fussed about it and I don't expect it to mean commitment and if someone's feelings changed about me based on it then clearly they aren't the type of person for me.

So, I'm starting to approach dating with a view of doing what I want and if they don't like it, they aren't right for me. So on that basis, should I just send a text? I'm sick of sitting here overthinking and feel like I'd rather just say it. I have a very dry sense of humour and whenever he tried to drop a 'next time' hint or something I was just cracking jokes rather than actually saying yes so I'm now overthinking that I gave off the wrong impression (I have a very dry and sarcastic sense of humour)

However, on the flip side, in my experience of men if they are keen they would text. So really, if he doesn't I should leave it? But on that basis I will always have that horrible gut feeling that I should've.

I won't be upset if it's not going anywhere, we had fun but it's only been 1 date. I just can't stand the anxiety and overthinking and just want to know!

Help!!!

Surely if you're anxious and overthinking it and 'can't stand it's you're the opposite of not bothered though OP.

I think you're right about the fact it isn't a great sign, just in that I'd have expected some sort of 'had a nice time' text, but equally it hasn't even been a day? I don't think you should be over analysing your behaviour that may have put him off though- at the end of the day he still always could text if he really were that keen, a few jokes aren't likely to swing it if he were.

Nothing wrong with casual dating/one night stands but the trouble is - you presumably don't know him very well so you have no idea what it means or whether 'next time's to him means 'I'd like another date's or whether it means 'you put out so I'll keep you in mind for next time I'm in the mood, at some point as it was fun'.

I'd just text something lighthearted, see what you get back and then it should be fairly easy to judge once and for all based on that. It doesn't sound like it's for you though OP, the casual dating lark. How much fun was it really if you feel like this and are posting online about it not even a day later and it's clearly causing anxiety and insecurity even if you'd rather that weren't the case!

Ah bloody hell, just text him. Seriously what's the worst that can happen?

Something funny....just to reignite contact and get the conversation flowing.

@dontgobaconmyheart if I put it into context the next time was on the drive home. He said something about his style of driving and said 'next time I will come and pick you up and take you out. Then you can see how I drive!' It had been the kind of date where we were making jokes about each other etc so I responded 'ooh he reckons theres gonna be a next time!!' He said he had a really nice time when he got out of the car so to text me that would probably not make sense. I also just laughed and didn't say it back so that is also making me overthink!! I'm not very good at compliments . I get what you're saying about the overthinking. But in previous experiences I only get like this when I don't know what's going on. In occurences where it's been a fun date, I've come away having had a nice time and then it's made clear it's not going to happen again, I've barely even given it a second thought. But when I'm left wondering, I overthink!

If I do text I don't know what to say! I want to spell it out that I am interested so if it doesn't go further I have no 'what ifs' that he may have thought I wasn't interested.

If you put out straight the way it usually means it would be a fwb situation.

Can’t really escape the fact most men (not all) will think of you and pigeon hole you, ie girl for fun or girl you could settle down with.

I’d write it off in all honestly. Start afresh with someone new and keep it in your pants if you like like them. If you don’t let yourself freak flag fly!

Let your freak flag fly*

What if hes waiting for you to text? I dont understand why everyone waits for the other person.

He made it clear he wanted to see you again but you didnt confirm so the ball is in your court.

@Breastfeedingworries I just don't agree with that to be honest. If someone wants to wait to have sex because that's important to them, I have no issue with that. If someone is happy to oblige in having sex on the first date, and the moments there, I am too. If they then think of me as a 'pigeon hole' then they are obviously a judgey person and I will definitely not be upset that I don't end up with them. I used to overthink and worry about it, and ended up wasting my time on men only to end up getting dumped when it came down to it. Since I've started not really caring in the long term, I've had 2 short term relationships that ended for other reason unrelated to sex, and they have been the best ones to come from OLD because there is no awkwardness, no topic off limits, and I feel comfortable around them. Sorry for the rant, it's just something I feel quite strongly about.

You met him, shagged him, let him stay over, spent the next day with him and then drove him home. Trust me, he knows you like him.

I wouldn't text him. Let him see what he does of his own accord Otherwise you will never ever know how he feels.

I used to overthink and worry about it

You know you're still doing that, don't you? :)

went on a date on Saturday. Had a really good time. Ended up spending the night and he stayed until late afternoon

As in, yesterday afternoon?

So it’s been less than 24 hours since you last saw him?

Since I've started not really caring in the long term, I've had 2 short term relationships that ended for other reason unrelated to sex, and they have been the best ones to come from OLD

For men, online-dating must be like having a Sex Uber. They can just ask girls out online and pretty much guarantee they'll get a shag out of it.

Yes, of course, girls can too. But we all know that sex means more to women than men. Our standards are SO much higher for sexual partners than men's standards are. We shag men we'd also quite happily date; men shag women they'd never date, or want to date; it's ipossible for us to tell which category we fall into. Unless we don't? shag them.

You last saw him late yesterday afternoon and its lunch time today? Really op? Come on, stop the drama, it's unnecessary. I fucking despise constant texting. Awful

From my experience the ones who like you text you.
I'll get texts before I'm home or to let me know that just got home.

He knows you like he you made that clear. I guess you hear from him nearer to the weekend when he wants to hook up again.
So just wait. Otherwise he may just ghost you or give you a vague reply

Honestly I dom't get all the angst these days. Just text him,something like 'I'm up for another date if you are. How about xxxx No worries if not, just let me know xx'

In my experience the ones who like you want to see you again - and will text/call to arrange plans. The constant texters often turn out to be immature fuckboys.

@AnuvvaMuvva when I say I used to overthink it I meant I used to consciously not have sex on the first date even if the moment was blatantly there and it just meant I still got dumped but further down the line, and the relationship up until that point was awkward and felt like there was an elephant in the room.

If they then think of me as a 'pigeon hole'

They don't think of you AS a 'pigeon hole' , they pigeon-hole (categorise) you as someone who is just looking for a good time, not interested in a serious relationship.

Just text him. No idea why men are always expected to make the first move. If he's at work today, wait until this evening then drop him a 'Hey, how has your Monday been?' lighthearted style text. Then take it from there. If he replies but doesn't mention a 2nd date just come straight out and ask him. No point wasting any more of your time.

I agree with you OP - if a man would think differently of me for sleeping with him, then I'm not interested in him and he's done me a favour. However, I've honestly rarely found this to be the case. I would hold off on texting him though - even if he thought you weren't interested from your comments, he'd still text if he liked you. They always do, even if it takes a few days.

Trouble is with OLD is that we forget that men get messed about just as much as women. They have the same insecurities as us. Your comment about 'who said we would be meeting again' could be playing on his mind.

I can't be arsed playing games and wasting my time. I'd text him 'enjoyed Sat/Sun, would like to see you again - let me know some dates you are free'.

If you don't get an answer (or an answer saying he isnt intrested) you know to move on.

the relationship up until that point was awkward and felt like there was an elephant in the room

There's no elephant in the room. Men never EXPECT sex. You are not obliged to provide sex. People can go out and have fun without ending the night in bed.

Are you in your 20s? If so, I'm really sorry you've been made to feel that sex is an integral part of even very casual dating. It's not. Or at least it doesn't have to be.

@AnuvvaMuvva I think I worded it wrong. I more meant when I've just thrown caution to the wind and done it when the moments right, the relationship has been much easier. When I was seeing someone who I waited in the hope he would see me as 'girlfriend material', it meant that when we got past going out and he would come round occasionally to watch tv I was sat thinking should I? Is it ok now? Is it too soon? Should I have condoms in or will that make it look like I do this all the time? And to be frank I just can't be bothered with it. I'd rather do it when the time is right and if that timing is too soon for the man, then that's their issue.

@SaintGarbo that is kind of how I'm feeling about it really. If I look back, I don't think I made any comments about seeing him again. Instead I made a lot of jokes about NOT seeing him again. I'm very blunt and sarcastic and sometimes I do forget how that may come across to someone who doesn't know me.

Bit of a spanner in the works though. Just found out something about my last short relationship that ended 2 days before Xmas because I found out he'd been out all night taking coke and cancelling plans, and messaging other girls while we were literally sat together. He's already with someone else. He met up with her BEFORE I dumped him, and now apparently hasn't 'touched the stuff' and is flaunting her all over Instagram. Already feeling pretty worthless and crap right now, so not sure I can handle reaching out and getting rejected.

Send the text. X

Meltdown over. He's text

........and??????