As the title suggests really. After 20 years and 1 dc I’ve well and truly broken his heart. This isn’t the first time I wanted to split, I had an affair when our dc was 6 months old and confessed as I felt so guilty. We worked through it but 6 years later I feel trapped. My husband has known only me since we were teenagers. We are now early thirties. Even though I initiated the split I’ve hurt him so so much. He didn’t see it coming.
I made a list of over 40 reasons to split. There’s no question that we should but why does it hurt this much? He’s asked me to give him a week and we were meant to go away Saturday just the two of us, he wants to go through it properly then.
I’m not eating or sleeping and constantly wondering if I did the right thing. But I did this because I believe we are different people with different priorities. Our 6 year old was picking up our disdain for each other and is always better with one of us. When we are all together it’s not great.
I’ve considered harm, Samaritans etc, I’ve had postnatal depression in the past after a traumatic labour which I dealt with anti depressants and I’m certain my husband had ptsd that he refused to deal with. He’s now blaming himself for our break up and all I want to do is comfort him but it’s not fair.
I’m not sure why I’m posting I’m just hurting so so much I just want the pain to end.