Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Trust Issues with partners ex FB

30 replies

AdrenalineJunkieMummy · 13/01/2020 00:44

Basically I love him to pieces but I can’t be dealing with this horrible feeling he’s given me. Just to clarify I’m quite laid back with men having female friends etc but I feel so uncomfortable about this.

He arranged a holiday abroad with his ex FB told me he was, and that there was nothing there & was I ok with it? I asked a few questions, like is it just you two or more? His response was she’s picking me up from the airport and we are staying in a hotel together then we are going on a cruise with the rest of our mates for 4 days & there will be no WiFi so I won’t message you then I will get off the cruise on my birthday where she will spend the next few days with me spoiling me and celebrating my birthday!

He has said they tried to make it work in the past but she’s very selfish only ever does what she wants and other silly things like because she’s a vegetarian 🤦‍♀️ So it was mainly just sex because he was desperate.

I told him he can do what he wants I’m not going to say no but I really don’t feel comfortable so he got more mates involved as it was mainly the alone part together that I didn’t feel happy about. Plus why would you want to pick someone you supposedly don’t like who is selfish to spend your birthday with? I did say this was his choice but I don’t know how I will feel about us when he gets back.

So to the point sh*t hit the fan and he hasn’t been feeling very well so apparently he’s now staying out there longer to relax as the cruise was a disaster. I just found out the ex fb is now using her week off to look after him in her home for the week Instead of having fun. I read this on his Facebook wall that she posted. He never mentioned on the phone that he was staying at her home. I feel it’s completely clear that she wants more she’s trying so hard.

I don’t think he would cheat & that’s not really what I feel bad about it’s the fact that he has a lot of friends that are female and he can often be overly friendly with them too. But it was just this one lady I felt suspicious about and didn’t like the idea of them spending a lot of time alone together & he’s now in her home staying abroad for longer knowing that I would be so hurt if I knew.

Am I suppose to pretend I don’t know & be completely fine with this because I’m extremely unhappy, he’s done the one thing I asked him not to do as I said I wouldn’t know where we stood when he came back! Is this whole thing totally justified & acceptable?

OP posts:
SeagullOnTheWind · 13/01/2020 00:50

I'm usually the one to defend mixed sex friendships but this sounds a bit suss

rvby · 13/01/2020 00:54

Do you mean Fwb as in friend with benefits? Or fb as in facebook??

lilmishap · 13/01/2020 00:56

So they're back and he is staying at hers because he's ill?

MashedSpud · 13/01/2020 00:56

Nah, personally I’d dump him.

Would he be so accepting if the roles were reversed?

Brusselsprouts21 · 13/01/2020 01:15

I'm sorry but this looks to me like this has been planned from the beginning. I would get rid of him. This is not something you do when your in a relationship with someone.

AdrenalineJunkieMummy · 13/01/2020 01:50

Yes FWB sorry only just joined & didn’t know that abbreviation. Thought FB meant f*ck buddy not Facebook. Yes apparently he’s ill so he will stay abroad for longer but neglected he’s at hers & she’s got the time off work to look after him because of a bad nose bleed..I’m quite bad with sympathy but I feel unless somethings broken he can look after himself he’s a grown man! Thanks for the input people, I wasn’t sure if I was over reacting.

OP posts:
ChristmasSweet · 13/01/2020 05:55

He's shagging her. Dump him. If he could have had a relationship with her, he would have. And now despite her being 'selfish' she is taking care of him when ill? Selfish people don't do that.

ChristmasSweet · 13/01/2020 05:57

And sorry but it's a nose bleed that's caused him to stay for a week? What is he, 3? Grin That's dramatic as fuck.

OhWellThatsJustGreat · 13/01/2020 06:01

What @Christmas said, she can't be that selfish if she's off work to look after him.

I would seriously reconsider this relationship if I were you, especially as he's chosen to spend his birthday with another woman over you. I get it's his choice, but that is a bit off to me.

Touchofclass · 13/01/2020 06:10

I agree with pp this was probably planned. She probably had the week booked off work anyway and they knew this was part of the trip.
How long have you been with him?
I would leave them to it and move on, this might become a yearly event now he knows you will accept it. You've shown your hand with your boundaries and he will now see it as he can get away with it.

SimonJT · 13/01/2020 06:15

Not the point I know, but who would want to go on a cruise. I’m impressed a nose bleed has stopped him travelling 😂

FB or not, you clearly don’t trust him, that’s a huge issue as personally for me no trust equals no relationship.

I had an FB, I was still ‘with’ him for the first 6-8 weeks I was dating my boyfriend, FB and I previously dated and we have been very close friends for a very long time. He often stays over, I spent xmas with him, not a problem as my boyfriend trusts me and is well aware that I’m capable of keeping my knob in my pants. If he chose not to trust me, then he wouldn’t be the one for me.

LJenn · 13/01/2020 06:16

So sorry to be blunt here I know you're going through a lot but.... you KNOW what to do here.. you know in your gut this is off, listen to it👍🏻. Do they really think you're THAT stupid? Dump him immediately. You deserve better!

Weffiepops · 13/01/2020 06:16

Dump him, if he isn'tshagging her, he wants to. Why were you not part of his birthday plans or invited on the cruise?

thickwoollytights · 13/01/2020 06:18

How long have you been in a relationship with him?

SaintGarbo · 13/01/2020 06:42

It's the lying/not telling me about being at her place that I'd have the problem with here. I'd dump him for that - let alone if he is shagging her.

BrusselPout · 13/01/2020 06:49

This is all kinds of weird, have you only been together a short while, otherwise why weren't you celebrating his birthday together? Why does a nosebleed stop him coming home and require a week of her being off work and giving him attention?

forumdonkey · 13/01/2020 07:21

Put to one side if they're shagging each other, how's his decisions making you feel, hurt, humiliated, disrespected? For that reason alone, you should tell him to fuck off. He can only make you feel like this if you allow him to. Pick your self respect up off the floor and walk away.

Btw do you think they went on an amazing cruise and didn't fuck?

booboo24 · 13/01/2020 07:21

Well he's showing NO respect for you and your relationship is he? Why weren't you included in this holiday? She clearly wants more, and if its 'just' sex and she offers it on a plate then I don't for a minute think he'll turn it down, they must be pretty close to be spending this time together. Theyve both tried to make it work in the past so they clearly want that ultimately. Not a problem if they're friends now and there has never been anything more, but this isn't the case here. Also, he chose to spend his birthday with her? I dont say this lightly but I would have not hesitation in telling anyone in this situation to dump him in his return, he sounds awful

booboo24 · 13/01/2020 07:24

Ps my last nosebleed was so heavy it was bouncing off the floor and splattering the walls! I was SO scared that I phoned my mum as I'd never had one like it and I happened to be in the house alone. She came round mopped me up, sat with me for half an hour, I then got changed and drove 80 miles for a meeting! He's a drama queen too!!

AdrenalineJunkieMummy · 13/01/2020 09:18

We’ve been together 6months it was booked a month ago ...I never seem to make it much further then this point! I would never be able to get childcare for this length of time & it’s an adult holiday (I prefer family holidays tbh)
Suppose you make a good point he never really did even ask if I wanted to join it’s for him and his American friends & it cost like £2000 so I would have never been able to afford that anyway.

OP posts:
YasssKween · 13/01/2020 09:37

Why do you "love him to pieces" when he is so horrible to you?

Do you actually think this a remotely relationship worth investing in considering you have children who must already require so much of your time and energy and he's already treating you like shit six months in?

Hanab · 13/01/2020 09:43

Seriously! Put more value in yourself! If there was nothing untoward happening he would be blatantly honest with you and you would not have to find out Via favebook

Hanab · 13/01/2020 09:43

Facebook 🙈😂

SandyY2K · 13/01/2020 09:55

So he arranged this holiday while you were together. I thought it was planned before you came on the scene.

I personally would see this as the end.

One week extra? What's wrong with him exactly?

If he's that I'll he would need medical attention. I bet he had no intention of returning when he said and he enjoys sex with her...that's what held them together.

She's harder that selfish if she's taken time off to look after him either..telling you she us selfish is a line to throw you off and not suspect he would get with her again....he may not want a relationship with her....but he is ok with sleeping with her.

I'd tell him your done...it's over. If he asks why...tell him you don't trust him
since he omitted to tell you he was staying a week in her house.

Don't let him take you for a fool.

thickwoollytights · 13/01/2020 16:49

We’ve been together 6months

I could NOT NOT NOT be bothered with all this stress and drama when I hardly know someone. 6 months is no time at all

I'd get rid of him straight away, now. He's a tosser imo

Swipe left for the next trending thread