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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Trust Issues with partners ex FB

30 replies

AdrenalineJunkieMummy · 13/01/2020 00:44

Basically I love him to pieces but I can’t be dealing with this horrible feeling he’s given me. Just to clarify I’m quite laid back with men having female friends etc but I feel so uncomfortable about this.

He arranged a holiday abroad with his ex FB told me he was, and that there was nothing there & was I ok with it? I asked a few questions, like is it just you two or more? His response was she’s picking me up from the airport and we are staying in a hotel together then we are going on a cruise with the rest of our mates for 4 days & there will be no WiFi so I won’t message you then I will get off the cruise on my birthday where she will spend the next few days with me spoiling me and celebrating my birthday!

He has said they tried to make it work in the past but she’s very selfish only ever does what she wants and other silly things like because she’s a vegetarian 🤦‍♀️ So it was mainly just sex because he was desperate.

I told him he can do what he wants I’m not going to say no but I really don’t feel comfortable so he got more mates involved as it was mainly the alone part together that I didn’t feel happy about. Plus why would you want to pick someone you supposedly don’t like who is selfish to spend your birthday with? I did say this was his choice but I don’t know how I will feel about us when he gets back.

So to the point sh*t hit the fan and he hasn’t been feeling very well so apparently he’s now staying out there longer to relax as the cruise was a disaster. I just found out the ex fb is now using her week off to look after him in her home for the week Instead of having fun. I read this on his Facebook wall that she posted. He never mentioned on the phone that he was staying at her home. I feel it’s completely clear that she wants more she’s trying so hard.

I don’t think he would cheat & that’s not really what I feel bad about it’s the fact that he has a lot of friends that are female and he can often be overly friendly with them too. But it was just this one lady I felt suspicious about and didn’t like the idea of them spending a lot of time alone together & he’s now in her home staying abroad for longer knowing that I would be so hurt if I knew.

Am I suppose to pretend I don’t know & be completely fine with this because I’m extremely unhappy, he’s done the one thing I asked him not to do as I said I wouldn’t know where we stood when he came back! Is this whole thing totally justified & acceptable?

OP posts:
RLEOM · 13/01/2020 18:06

Jesus Christ, he's really having you on, isn't he? Leave before it gets too messy.

PicsInRed · 13/01/2020 18:43

What the fuckety fuck did I just read. 🤔

For Christ sake, woman, have some self respect and dump him. In time, you'll look back on dumping him and it will feel a lot better than anything he ever did. 🤨

DUMP. 🗑

BaolFan · 13/01/2020 18:47

He's fucking her.

Dump him.

Elieza · 13/01/2020 19:05

He’s not contacting you because there is no WiFi. Yet his plans have changed and he’s in her house now where presumably there is WiFi and he’s still not contacting you?

He’s not contacting you because he wanted to ‘keep one on reserve’ ie he had the hots for her but wasn’t sure if she’d reciprocate so he was keeping you hanging on a thread so he wouldn’t end up with nobody if it turned out she wasn’t interested. I guess she must have been interested if he’s have been in touch with you more. He’s keeping schtum as he doesn’t want any unpleasantness while he plays happy families with his burd.

He’s ignore your feelings, disrespected you and is gaslighting.

Dump and move on. You deserve better.

MsDogLady · 13/01/2020 20:17

He is taking you for a fool. He is most certainly cheating

When you confront him for his lack of transparency about staying with OW, he will shift the blame to you by saying you would have jumped to the wrong conclusion. Don’t fall for his manipulation.

It’s time to move on from this loser.

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