Hi everyone.
Im unemployed and I hope I can bore someone in to helping me (and maybe others) through writing this thread.
I want to bring you up to date with my situation.
I worked for 5 years in a sales role and left September 18 without another job lined up. I left due to some pretty horrendous stuff that happened in the work place.
For a few months I was unemployed and saw a therapist who helped with what had gone on at work. I grew in confidence and got myself in to recruitment. I wish I hadn't. It knocked my confidence. It wasn't what I expected or wanted. I slacked off and I was fired after 4 months due to being late three times.
Again, a few months passed and I got another role. This role was for a startup. It wasn't exactly what I wanted but I seemed to do well. However, I was made redundant after 7 months.
That knocked me for six but I kept going and within a couple of weeks I was offered another role in customer service (October 19) but hated it and quit after 2 weeks.
THEN I received a job offer in November 19 but the role fell through due to a restructure. Not cool.
It's been a turbulent year and a half (since I left my first job).
Anyway to the matter at hand..
I've been with my partner for 2 years. She's always had a stable role, working for an FMCG and doing very well.
By November 19 I couldn't afford the rent or bills. My partner was supportive and said that she would pay for them until I got a role. Fast forward to the end of December and with things starting to really slow down, I wasn't ever going to get the role I wanted. Yes, I should have just gotten a temporary role but I just kept searching for the right thing. I couldn't bare to waste my time any longer.
By the end of December my partner started to really resent me. She didn't want to hear about jobs (it's all I could talk about), she was angry at not being able to do nice things, she spoke of how the last year had made her feel and that she just wanted me to have some more 'umph' about me.
It stung. A lot.
I am not delusional at all. I know this is my fault. I lost my way and I'm someone who doesn't like doing things they don't want to (I know that sounds stupid but I just won't do something I don't like, no matter who I hurt). Ive been selfish.
I've moved out of the house my partner and I were renting, as she wanted me to sort myself and get back to her when I had.
I'm now living with mum and dad.
I want more than anything to get my life in check and be happy. I also really want my partner to be happy but she has lost a lot of faith in me.
It's now January and the job opportunities are certainly there for me to take. I've had one interview and have two more this week.
I saw my partner this weekend but I can tell she's fed up. She now has very little money due to me not being able to afford to pay half of the rent.
We've always been able to go on nice holidays etc. I feel awful and I know how unhappy she is. She has outbursts frequently about the situation.
I'm so upset. You can see that I've not had the best employment history (well not for the last year and a half). I'm not someone to rely on others for money. I've had partners previous to her and I've ALWAYS paid my way. I just don't know what to do in this period of time whilst I don't have a job or what to do to get myself motivated to stay in a role/ be successful. I used to be.
I suffer from depression but it's never really held me back and only back in September of 2018 when I started therapy, did I realise that I was suffering.
Just any help or people who have been through the same please comment. I don't want to lose my partner and I certainly want to just get back on track.
Thanks.