Unemployment and relationships

[confusedlass]

Hi everyone.

Im unemployed and I hope I can bore someone in to helping me (and maybe others) through writing this thread.

I want to bring you up to date with my situation.

I worked for 5 years in a sales role and left September 18 without another job lined up. I left due to some pretty horrendous stuff that happened in the work place.
For a few months I was unemployed and saw a therapist who helped with what had gone on at work. I grew in confidence and got myself in to recruitment. I wish I hadn't. It knocked my confidence. It wasn't what I expected or wanted. I slacked off and I was fired after 4 months due to being late three times.

Again, a few months passed and I got another role. This role was for a startup. It wasn't exactly what I wanted but I seemed to do well. However, I was made redundant after 7 months.
That knocked me for six but I kept going and within a couple of weeks I was offered another role in customer service (October 19) but hated it and quit after 2 weeks.

THEN I received a job offer in November 19 but the role fell through due to a restructure. Not cool.

It's been a turbulent year and a half (since I left my first job).

Anyway to the matter at hand..
I've been with my partner for 2 years. She's always had a stable role, working for an FMCG and doing very well.

By November 19 I couldn't afford the rent or bills. My partner was supportive and said that she would pay for them until I got a role. Fast forward to the end of December and with things starting to really slow down, I wasn't ever going to get the role I wanted. Yes, I should have just gotten a temporary role but I just kept searching for the right thing. I couldn't bare to waste my time any longer.

By the end of December my partner started to really resent me. She didn't want to hear about jobs (it's all I could talk about), she was angry at not being able to do nice things, she spoke of how the last year had made her feel and that she just wanted me to have some more 'umph' about me.
It stung. A lot.

I am not delusional at all. I know this is my fault. I lost my way and I'm someone who doesn't like doing things they don't want to (I know that sounds stupid but I just won't do something I don't like, no matter who I hurt). Ive been selfish.

I've moved out of the house my partner and I were renting, as she wanted me to sort myself and get back to her when I had.
I'm now living with mum and dad.
I want more than anything to get my life in check and be happy. I also really want my partner to be happy but she has lost a lot of faith in me.

It's now January and the job opportunities are certainly there for me to take. I've had one interview and have two more this week.

I saw my partner this weekend but I can tell she's fed up. She now has very little money due to me not being able to afford to pay half of the rent.
We've always been able to go on nice holidays etc. I feel awful and I know how unhappy she is. She has outbursts frequently about the situation.

I'm so upset. You can see that I've not had the best employment history (well not for the last year and a half). I'm not someone to rely on others for money. I've had partners previous to her and I've ALWAYS paid my way. I just don't know what to do in this period of time whilst I don't have a job or what to do to get myself motivated to stay in a role/ be successful. I used to be.
I suffer from depression but it's never really held me back and only back in September of 2018 when I started therapy, did I realise that I was suffering.

Just any help or people who have been through the same please comment. I don't want to lose my partner and I certainly want to just get back on track.
Thanks.

Bit harsh.

You asked for some perspective. You got it from all walks of life 🤷🏻‍♀️

Are you still dumped?

I wasn't dumped. Xxxxxxx

I agree op that the opinions of others have been harsh. You have openly admitted your faults. I don’t think your partner is being supportive if she won’t even let you talk about jobs.

You have said that you were treated badly enough in a previous job which resulted in you having to have counselling. You also said that you suffer from depression. So understandably would be wary of taking on another depressing and soul destroying job. Good on you for fighting back and not accepting the condescending and mean replies on here.

I wonder how many people don’t bother writing posts on here for fear of Mumsnet bashing.

Untruegame what a hero.

Thank you for understanding / making the effort to understand.
Totally agree. There are so many keyboard warriors out there that think that it's acceptable to treat others this way. Good night x

Is how you have responded on here how you behave at work when you don’t like something? I think your responses show a very very fragile ego that cannot bear to be questioned or in the wrong unless you are in control of it. You need to continue with therapy.

Yes you had admitted to your faults with your ex partner but unless you have something to show her, she’s not going to be able to move past her resentment and no one can promise you that getting a new job will solve this. I don’t really know what your question is in your OP to be honest - you came here to look for reassurance and are very upset that other people have been in your partners shoes and are giving you the harsh reality of how it feels to be her. You don’t know how she feels in all honesty, you only know how you feel. I have had depression and I’ve also had to support 2 children alone for many years. I don’t know what you expect from a parenting site where many people slog out hundreds of hours a month in any job to make ends meet to feed their children. They don’t have the option to indulge in waiting for their ideal job to come along. You don’t have children so have no idea how it feels to have no choice but to do this

One answer to this is what you and others have pointed out, you should have got a temporary job in the meanwhile but you did not. Therefore you let your partner down and she doesn’t feel she can rely on you anymore. All you can do is apologise and try to put things right but you need to accept that she might not be able to forgive you

I think you have been very very lucky to secure good employment with your work history and this is something you need to focus on maintaining long term now. Continue with therapy and get help for your depression.

Sometimes we do not realise that we are creating conflict and avoiding difficult situations at the same time until it is pointed out to us. Admitting to being an inherently selfish person has caused conflict in your RS when you avoid work situations that don’t suit you. You need to work on this side of your behaviour in the long term

Honestly, if I were you, I’d take some time to reflect on myself. When things dont go your way you seem to struggle to deal with things in a mature manner.

Honestly, you need to grow up.

You dont rely on people for money.....so who is funding you at the moment?

You have struggled with work. I get that, I left a job due to poor mental health before it was awful. But I made sure I had something to go to. Did counselling and got help while I worked. Because I genuinely do fund myself.

You are an adult. You cant just 'slack off' because you dont like job and then get sacked, when someone else financially relies on you to pay your half of the bills.

Your reaction is very immature.

I couldn't be with a partner I couldnt rely on to be a grown up at work and make sensible financial decisions.

If this excellent job offer is real, dont fuck it up. Stick at it, for while, Your CV is very unattractive at the moment. Then look for something else. Dont slack off, dont end up getting the sack. Be responsible.

"Katy go choke on a fat one "

Despite the name, doubtful this is a "lass".

That partner made the right choice.

Wonder if partner asked for mumsnet advice and got a "LTB"?

Xxxxxx.

Lovely sock puppet OP, did you knit it yourself?

Agree with PiR, this poster is likely male. And a perfect example of a cocklodger or fannylodger. Well done to her/his "partner" for kicking the workshy unit back to parents.

Amazing isn’t it how the poster @untruegame has only just joined the site to post on this thread. Truly amazing. They may now quickly make some other posts of course

I wouldn’t support someone who expected me to carry them financially whilst fannying around waiting for the perfect roll. You could have waited tables, worked in Tesco to earn money

It's a no from me.
You're an angry, arrogant cocklodger.
Hopefully your gf has run to the hills.

Your attitude shines through--no doubt you will be out of a job again soon due to it.

Off you pop

Cheers guys xx

It's good to admit your faults. But that's not enough - you need to think about how you'll behave differently in the future. So that's the advice - behave differently. You can't be so caught up in want you want and deserve in your working life that you end up living off your girlfriend.

Tbh it does sound like you've had a hard time with jobs etc, so I do sympathise with that. The word unemployment is like a sin on Mumsnet even though half of the people on here claim to be sahm!

However you attitude in responding to posters has been pretty shit and you could've got a part time job somewhere to help with bills etc while you look for something better. This would have made way more sense.

None of us enjoy doing jobs we don't like, but the reality is most people have to suck it up because we need to pay bills. It's beyond unfair to expect one partner to carry the financial burden alone, and then to expect parents to do it for working age adults isn't any better. The 'ideal' job on paper isn't necessarily going to be fantastic in reality. Plus any job will do whilst looking for a replacement (also a big motivator).

Might it be worth you taking on something part time - anything - and just knuckling down to it as crap as it is, and using the rest of the time to retrain in something you might enjoy doing? A qualification might make you more confident and able and your position in a company more secure.

I'd have dumped you the second you dropped a job without another lined up.

I'm glad your partner has the good sense not to continue to enable a selfish, freeloader with a professional victim mentality.

Good luck with your new job and I hope you get things sorted out with your partner.

Thanks x

You don't have kids so why live together in the first place. Date each other and keep your finances to yourself. Then it won't matter if you're not earning as you have no rent and bills to share. Though I would hope you pay something to your parents.

I've just been offered an excellent role and now you can all sod off