When you know it gone on his side

[Passthebubbly]

I just know, 20 years together. 2 kids, great life, some hardships on my side with sick parents but in the whole we have been a team.
This last year I feel he has become more and more distant from me. AirPods in if he is at home and where he is physically present he is not actually present. He just shows no interest anymore and the kisses and cuddles at start and end of day have stopped. Sex would it happen if I did not attempt it. Feeling so sad and just don’t know how to get the spark back or make him see me again

You need to step back and take a long careful look at the complex dynamic you are at the centre of. It seems you are in a tug of war with regards to time and emotional energy with your DM and your marriage.

Currently your DM has won and your DH has dropped the rope.

You are torn, exhausted, depleted and not where you want to be.

The most important people in this system who have not been mentioned are your young DCs. Are they your priority?

It seems for all of their young lives you have given a lot of your finite emotional and physical energy to your parents. Was your NPD DM dictating the terms, manipulating and monopolising your time and energy around your DF’s care for the last 12 years as well?

This is when your marriage and family life began to erode. Your DCs have been short changed. And as they enter teenage years they will be short changed further as your NPD DM increases her demands on you.

What do you want for their future?
Who are you going to prioritise?
How are you going to choose to allocate your finite time, emotional and physical energy?

YOU are the only who can decide how this plays out from now on.

Which ever way your marriage goes your relationship with your DM is the issue and your DCs (and your own MH) are the collateral damage.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

That’s the one dynamic that you can

Wow that was the kick up the arse I needed. You have made me really think Gutteron and you are right. Totally right

Your NPD DM has had enough from you.

You can’t be in two place emotionally or physically at once.

She has had her life and by the sounds of it one with plenty of people dancing to her tune.

Your DCs need a vital, fully focused DM - working in positive partnership with their DF to create a calm and peaceful home.

Tell your DM that carers are scheduled and you will drop by once a week for a cuppa.

Tell your DH that you are sorry that you lost focus but you want to reinvent and reinvest in your marriage and family. It might take time - but consistently put in the actions and see where it takes you. Prioritise finding joy.

Good luck. You might need therapy to support you putting in and holding boundaries with your DM and to deal with the grief of losing your DF.