Does this seem like light ribbing or mean comments ?

[Trixie120]

Sometimes I genuinely have difficulty knowing when people are saying things from a sly place with malice behind it, or if they are just having a laugh with you and mean no harm.

I didn't react to any of these comments on the spot, because I'm trying to just let stuff go but it's got me thinking.

I was with this friend in a café, I ordered a milkshake and forgot to ask for no whipped cream. When the cream arrived I just scooped it off and put it into my bowl. Next time we were all together she recited the milkshake incident to them all in front of me and said I was 'like a child.'

I went to see her when she had had an operation in hospital. I don't drive and she made a comment about "How I know about public transport better than anyone." again in front of others there . Not in a "oh if you need help getting somewhere then she can give you info" way either.

One night at a hen party we stayed in a room together, she was throwing up from alcohol at 3am and I rubbed her back to comfort her. The next morning she told everyone what I had done and was laughing at it. She didn't even thank me, even though she woke me up at 3am and I could have just ignored her.

At her wedding day when we were getting ready I was on my phone a little, and what. Then she announced in front of everyone in a sarcy way if I was going to be on my phone during the ceremony ?

I went for a drink with her and I had my handbag on my knees. Sometimes I do it, i don't know why but I don't think it's a big deal. She commented, "Oh, you're holding your handbag again are you."

At their wedding, they had considered setting me up with someone but he wasn't really for me. The groom was very drunk and came over and asked me, "Does he make you wet?" which was very embarrassing. I just said "he's not for me sorry."
Then when I saw my friend, apparently they had talked about it and the groom told her i had been "deadly against it." not true at all, and was acting like I was really fussy and harsh about their friend.

I went to school with her and I have often wondered if it comes from a place of insecurity. I always recall one incident where she came skipping over and told us something 'funny' our classmate had said, that I had 'dodgy fashion sense' and that our other friend had 'gained a lot of weight.'

She can be very nice and supportive but she doesn't make as much effort anymore. The comments only seem to be about me and nobody else. Does it sound like i'm just being sensitive ?

I think you've posted about her before? I remember the back rub thing. What advice were you given last time?

This is an absolute no-brainer.

She’s an undermining wanker and her deep, deep desire to ‘win’ - to triumph over others and cope with her insecurities (the insecurities we all have) in this gross malicious way - means dropping her from your life immediately is the only intelligent thing to do.

Otherwise it’s like hitting yourself with a hammer and complaining it hurts. Yeah no shit. So stop it happening. You have control here - end the frenemy-ship.

I expect you know lots of lovely people who dont need to belittle others to deal with their own insecurities ... you dont need the stress of someone like this ... let her latch onto someone else as soon as you can and her revolting husband.

She's not a nice person

I think you'll find her friends stopped bothering with her, bit because she was snobby, but because she's a bitch.

I'd still keep in contact with the group, no point in letting her drive you away, but call her out on it every time. Have a few replies that you can use in your back pocket

Oh don't be rude Sharon 'smile at her'

I sit with my handbag on my lap, so what Sharon?

I don't like whipped cream Sharon 'shrugs shoulder with confused look on your face'

Are you 12 Sharon? 'laughs'

Would you rather I just left you in the toilet to puke?

And the age old MN response did you mean to be so rude Sharon

I would ghost her and spend more time with nicer people. You are putting up with abuse from a 'friend' I hope you're better in relationships

Thanks so much for the replies. I think they have given me the strength I needed to know that I can walk away from any friendship which is making me feel bad.
Someone posted that I was envious of her situation. Of course I wish I had more money and could afford more things , but i'm not envious of THEM in particular. What her husband said was vile, I agree. Aside from that he's always been respectful to me, so I let that slide.
She has a younger sister and it comes across as her being jealous of the attention this sister gets, she's the baby of the family. So I think the jealousy may extend to other areas.
I feel more confident and powerful now about the situation and that things will be different from now on.

I also remember this post from previously.

Our advise is still the same OP; she's vile...ditch her.

She's not your friend. She just likes to take the piss out of you in front of people. I'd phase her out.

I agree it would be a shame to have to lose other friendships of the group because of one person. I like those comebacks and I think I can use them. I can imagine it resulting in some of the other girls exchanging looks and sniggering, this has happened before.
I remember once we were in an Indian restaurant and I asked if they did sorbet rather than ice cream (was trying to eat healthily) and two of them exchanged looks and started laughing like it was hilarious.
I do feel sorry for my friend if she is insecure. I'm not sure if she still is insecure in her looks or this has changed with age.

If you don’t like it then walk away.
Me and my best friend are absolutely vile to each other, but that’s the dynamics of our friendship and we wouldn’t have it any other way!

Urgh please just get rid of her - all these types of comments she’s been saying to you are so familiar to me. I had 4 “frenemies” at school and kept in touch for years after. They would always put me down and make me feel inadequate but i actually thought this was normal as I wasn’t used to anything else It took me until I was in my 30’s and had my DS that I had a massive wake up call and thought what the hell am I doing associating with these toxic bitches!

She sounds like a vile bully.

You let the husband's comment slide because he's always been nice to you? If one of my friends' partners made a comment like that to me I'd be absolutely horrified. Please value yourself more.

The friends sound pretty pathetic too, in all honesty. They see her speaking to you like that and don't say anything because they don't want to become her target.

I would ditch the lot of them. I think you deserve better.

She is not a friend. Drop her, ASAP.

OP, your 'friend' might appear to be enjoying that she has married into money, and has a cleaner and all the other trappings but she has only achieved that by marrying into it, and she knows it - digs at others are a form of reinforcing her position and I doubt she's happy in herself and probably can't be genuinely happy for others either.

I suspect you're not imagining it. We only see the words written down but you will have experienced them in context.

Anyway, she might project 'happiness' but very likely it's superficial and she will always be comparing herself (looks, money, possessions) to everyone around her. Ultimately, it's an unsatisfying way to live a life.

And what a skanky comment from her husband. Revealed his true self whilst drunk by the sounds of it. They probably deserve each other.

@whynosnowyet. Great comment re Maddy68.
I’m the worlds greatest pisstaker and know an insult when I hear one.
These are crappy comments and deliberate. So what if you forgot about the cream. And put yr bag on yr lap. They don’t warrant any mention at all. Its just being careful.
I would be thanking you and apologising if I was sick and kept you awake from 3am!
So sorry you are the target of her insecurities. Please don’t take this crap.

I had a ‘friend’ like this. She had been a really close friend during college but gradually got more and more bitchy with lots of nasty comments that she’d say were a joke. She was also quite insecure as she’d been overweight as a child and bullied, I was never anything but supportive but in the end I had to call it a day. I never called her out on her bitchiness as I felt like she’d be secretly pleased she was getting to me. If I had I think I would have just said something like ‘wow, did you mean to be so rude?’

She doesn't have it all in her eyes because she doesn't behave your looks.
Agree totally with the post:
The problem is that she will never consider herself to be pretty. That is very difficult for someone who is surrounded by pretty friends. You have to see it from her point of view too. Yes, she has a rich husband now, but she will always be worried about him going off with somone prettier than her even if he wouldn't. So her only weapon is to put you down to make herself feel better. This friendship can never work and you have to accept it.

Doesn't have* your looks

I agree with the PPs. There is really no point of mentioning some of the things she did, it's just to draw attention to me and embarrass me. That's true she has married into it, she admits openly that her husband pays the mortage etc. And that's fine, nobody is judging her, but she clearly has her own insecurities.
I believe she has seen me as an easy target as I am a little vulnerable and I can be shy.
Another thing that comes to mind, before she met her husband and I was in a relationship. I hadn't been doing anything inappropriate maybe just a bit giddy but she started commenting the next day how I was 'all over' my boyfriend that night. I said I wasn't, and she said, "Yes you were, you were all over him."
Looking back it reeks of jealousy and is just nasty because I wasn't doing anything to hurt anyone. It was a time when she hadn't had much luck relationship sise and again was probably due to being insecure.

It sounds like everything you do irritates the shit out of her. So you'll be doing both of you a favour by dropping her like a stone.

Maybe I do irritate her. She has commented on herself once at least about how she cries easily and is soppy.
A few years ago my brother was quite young, my parents went away and I babysat.
She asked if I was going out that night, I said I couldn't and she replied "meh you suck", I explained that I wanted to but my brother was too young to leave on his own etc. And she said "you really over think everything."

Crikey, she's a bitch isn't she? She seems very keen on the put-downs and enjoys belittling you in front of other people. You don't need anybody like that as a 'friend' do you?

Why have you put up with it for so long?

There’s no point listing all the shit things she’s said - that’s just identifying with it all at this stage. Let go.

Just phase her out, go grey rock and detach. Nothing else to say really.