Does this seem like light ribbing or mean comments ?

[Trixie120]

Sometimes I genuinely have difficulty knowing when people are saying things from a sly place with malice behind it, or if they are just having a laugh with you and mean no harm.

I didn't react to any of these comments on the spot, because I'm trying to just let stuff go but it's got me thinking.

I was with this friend in a café, I ordered a milkshake and forgot to ask for no whipped cream. When the cream arrived I just scooped it off and put it into my bowl. Next time we were all together she recited the milkshake incident to them all in front of me and said I was 'like a child.'

I went to see her when she had had an operation in hospital. I don't drive and she made a comment about "How I know about public transport better than anyone." again in front of others there . Not in a "oh if you need help getting somewhere then she can give you info" way either.

One night at a hen party we stayed in a room together, she was throwing up from alcohol at 3am and I rubbed her back to comfort her. The next morning she told everyone what I had done and was laughing at it. She didn't even thank me, even though she woke me up at 3am and I could have just ignored her.

At her wedding day when we were getting ready I was on my phone a little, and what. Then she announced in front of everyone in a sarcy way if I was going to be on my phone during the ceremony ?

I went for a drink with her and I had my handbag on my knees. Sometimes I do it, i don't know why but I don't think it's a big deal. She commented, "Oh, you're holding your handbag again are you."

At their wedding, they had considered setting me up with someone but he wasn't really for me. The groom was very drunk and came over and asked me, "Does he make you wet?" which was very embarrassing. I just said "he's not for me sorry."
Then when I saw my friend, apparently they had talked about it and the groom told her i had been "deadly against it." not true at all, and was acting like I was really fussy and harsh about their friend.

I went to school with her and I have often wondered if it comes from a place of insecurity. I always recall one incident where she came skipping over and told us something 'funny' our classmate had said, that I had 'dodgy fashion sense' and that our other friend had 'gained a lot of weight.'

She can be very nice and supportive but she doesn't make as much effort anymore. The comments only seem to be about me and nobody else. Does it sound like i'm just being sensitive ?

I had a friend like that. Always making little comments designed to undermine me and make me unsure in myself. Nothing so anyone else would ever notice even if it was in front of them, but these things kept piling up. She made me feel fat and ugly and stupid. I've cut her off now and I'm much happier without her in my life. In fact its opened my eyes to the fact shes actually quite unpopular.

She's trying to chip away at insignificant things to make you feel insecure about every move you make. It's classic childish bullying, and no, the comment about public transport is not normal or innocent, she's having a dig at you because you can't drive, and trying to embarrass you.
She sounds insecure and a bit of a dick really. I couldn't be friends with someone who did things like that to me everytime I saw them.

She puts you down to make herself feel big.

Stop contacting her and find friends that treat you as equal. She is a cow and her husband sounds vile.

I’d try to make new friends and no longer share anything with her. Be cool and don’t talk about anyone behind their back. Maybe move her to the bottom of your list.
You don’t need to feel this way.

She is downright nasty. She is probably doing it to make herself feel better. Agree with others, distance yourself from her, you sound like you have been a lovely friend, supportive, she has taken you for granted. She will get a shock when you are not there at her beck and call.
Also that comment by her husband is absolutely disgusting, he sounds vile too. You are better off without the two of them.

She’s not your friend lovey. She’ll not change.

Thank you so much for the replies. I thought maybe it was just me being sensitive.
I excused her husband for saying that because he was very drunk and he is normally much more polite than that.
I agree that she probably now feels like someone and now has this status.
I've tried over the years to toughen up because i've had that 'too nice' personality. I was a people pleaser and wanted to be friends with everybody.
Now I think a lot more about myself and won't hesitate to stop bothering with people.
I hope this does not come across as arrogant but I was always considered very pretty (not everyone thinks so obviously) and I know she always felt insecure in her looks. Our other friend was/is also very pretty and I think that's why she took so much delight in telling us the harsh comments that had been made about us that day.
Something similar happened with another friend in the group. Not as much now but myself and the other friend i mentioned used to get random messages from men on Facebook and propositions.
I used to screenshot it to this other girl in the group and joke about how disgusting and creepy they were. She started saying stuff like I probably had a reputation and they were probably all talking about me and saying I was easy, and that I must have been giving off a vibe to make them message me like that.
I was hurt because i've never invited that sort of behaviour whatsoever and I felt like it was slut shaming. I confronted her and she did apologise, and said me and my friend were only getting this attention because we were attractive, and she hasn't done it since.

You're definitely overthinking this. It's just conversation between friends !

I think most of the examples you've given could be something or nothing, all comes down to how she's saying them really. But you obviously feel she's being nasty, so don't doubt yourself. And don't waste any more time on someone who makes you feel like that.

That comment from her husband though 🤢

It just seems funny that they are only about me, and always done in front of others.

It's a shame because she is part of the group of friends we are in and I don't want to lose the group. Unless I only hang out with her on a group basis and just try to shut her down if she makes comments.

As I don't have any ties really i've been able to live abroad and such. She told me one day that I 'wing it' in life, but i also sensed some regret that she had never done the same.

It’s horrible isn’t it?
My mother and sister both did it to me. If I objected they’d say ‘only joking’.
Mother has died and I’m NC with sister, life’s much better now.

You obviously feel envy to her lifestyle and husband and want her to be envious of how you look. You see it as the advantage you have over her. She clearly isn't your biggest fan either.

Just socialise in the group and stay out of her way.

I don't feel any envy because I find her husband a tad controlling. I think that with this life she now feels like somebody. I do not want her to be envious of me because this is where the sort of catty remarks come from. I wish she were more confident in her own looks.
I have never had any issue with her however I do feel that we have grown apart.
But you're right, it's best to just socialise in the group and stay away.

She sounds extremely nasty.
The comment from the husband was vile.
She sounds jealous of you despite her seemingly ‘having it all’.
Don’t let her continue to behave this way. Challenge her comments.
Tell her how rude she’s coming across and use the clever comeback “0h did you mean to be rude?”
I suspect she knows what’s she’s doing. One or two comments may be said in jest but she is vilifying you.

maddy68 are you the so called friend?

If you socialise with their group, these other people may continue to side with her by not calling her out on this behaviour towards you. They do that because they do not want to be targeted either.

You are worth more than crumbs from this whole group of people.

Hmm it's tough because if you called her out on any of these things she could easily feign disbelief and claim she was 'only joking' but I do sense a bit of malice in it. Either that or sheer thoughtlessness. I have a similar friend and I can never work out if she does it intentionally or if she really is that unaware. Either way you don't have to put up with it. Surround yourself with people who lift you up and make you feel good about yourself not those who bring you down.

Your not being sensitive, she a bitch. She making herself feel better by putting you down in front of other people. She's going to keep doing it unless you call her out on it or drop her. Don't laugh her comments off, be ready with a comeback or just tell her to piss off/grow up

I had a friend like this, we were quite similar and close and shared our insecurities but she started to make comments about the fact I couldn't drive, my table manners, my job, etc all in front of other people. It's always just as a joke' Except it isn't.

You are the person she used as a scapegoat and it makes her feel better. She is probably jealous and that is a very powerful emotion.

Next time she makes a comment pat her on the arm and say 'you are so funny with your little comments, smile, flick your hair then turn your back on her of walk away.

I honestly don't think the friend is being malicious? Friends rib each other , I also think that comments such as you've got your handbag on your knee again is nasty? It's an observation of something a bit quirky that you do ,

I guess if you're not enjoying the friendship though then leave it , find friends more like-minded

Sometimes it's a struggle for people to understand the way things have been said when they are reading them. If it's making the OP feel bad, it's being said in a malicious or sarcastic way, intended to embarrass them. Also difficult to understand of you have never been on the receiving end.