My partner kissed someone else

[HitByABrick]

Namechanged for this for obvious reasons.

My partner of 8.5 years is a taxi driver. I'm a taxi operator at the same company. We've both worked there for a number of years.

This morning, one of the ops called my partner, and I assumed she was trying to get him to come out on his day off to cover a job. He told me he needed to talk to me.

At 0530 this morning, someone called the office and told the operator that she'd been having an affair with my partner for the last 2 years. I've since listened to the call recording, and she asked for me by name, obviously hoping I was on duty.

My partner has confessed that about 18 months ago, he kissed her in the car when he was working. He said they'd been FB friends for a few years as he plays football with her partner. Apparently they used to chat on messenger about wrestling as they're both fans.

He took her in the car on this night, and she came on to him. Told him that her bf was being a prick and she wanted a kiss. He refused. She carried on, and he's told me they had a kiss, and a bit of a grope, and that's all. He said he was flattered as she's a bit younger than us, and nobody ever fancies him usually so he was shocked. Because what you usually do when you're shocked is stick your tongue in someone's mouth, obviously.

I feel like my world's caved in. We are one of those couples that make everyone sick because we're so happy. He's my best friend.

I'm scared there's more to come. I've been on MN for years and know The Script. I'm scared he's minimising. I've told him that he needs to tell me absolutely everything that's happened, because if anything further comes out, there'll be no return from it.

I just need advice. My head's battered. I'm not going to throw away a really happy long term relationship for a kiss... But it's not going to be all there is to it, is there? Let's face it, he's only confessed because his hand was forced.

I honestly genuinely believed I knew him well enough to know if he was lying, but he's been lying to my face for the last year and a half, so that's clearly nonsense.

Anyone that's been through this, how did you deal with it?

TIA and sorry this is so long.

I could see her number on the system right now if I wanted to. Unfortunately she was wise enough to call off a withheld number.

We have to have the customer's mobile number because we have a text back service where they can track their car when it's on the way. I've listened to the recording though, 3 times, and I actually wish I hadn't because it's made it worse.

@zoobincan I friend requested her on FB and sent her a message. She hasn't responded to my request and it's still pending. The message hasn't been delivered. I would have thought that after that phone call on Sat morning, she would have been prepared for me contacting her tbh. The message was meant for me, she asked for me by name when she called.

I could see her number on the system right now if I wanted to.

Yes, but legally you cannot use it for your own personal reasons.

No that's correct. That's why I've tried to contact her on FB.

It’s a bit bloody cruel of her to not respond immediately to your contact after she’s thrown a bomb into your world.

You need to step back from the situation a bit I think.

You’re saying you love him and you’re really close and happy but clearly this isn’t true.
If he was happy and you were close none of this would be happening.
Your love is based on lies and it’s really concerning that this person has gone to all this effort and suddenly vanished- your partner has clearly spoken to her.

You need to outlay to your partner to tell you the truth immediately.
Any cracks in the story and you will not give him another chance/ if you hear anymore from this girl that doesn’t match the story you already know then you’re finished.

He needs to know the only chance he has his honesty.

Actually I would insist your partner contact her/ take you there himself to have a calm discussion or he can fuck right off.

I’d want to see this play out in front of my eyes. Body language is powerful.

Hey OP I think he has probably contacted her; I know you say he hasn't had opportunity but trust me he will have found a way.
He's probably told her not to talk to you and he will make sure stuff is ok between them or whatever else he thinks she wants to hear to keep her quiet.
The next time you hear from her will be when she realises he isn't going to deliver on his promises.
So at the moment he is fighting 2 lies trying to keep the middle ground stable, this is where you will get the truth. Listen very carefully about what he says because he won't remember all the lies now because there are too many.
Careful questioning will highlight all the inconsistencies, I'm sorry but there will be.
As PP said no big decisions yet just listen absorb and think.

Ask for his mobile phone. His reaction will tell you. ☹️ I'm so sorry you are going through this. 💐

Is he on contract op? Can you find her number on his paperwork?

My guess from what you’ve been told this far is that they had a full blown affair which ended some time ago. Since then she has tried to rekindle but to no avail. Hence her saying he’s not been on shift for the past 6 months. Something happened in the past few days to cause this attempt to contact you. I’m sorry OP but his account just doesn’t make sense. I hope you’re ok.

He will have her phone number. It may be disguised under a different name, but he will have it. Is he on a contract? Even if he claims he’s deleted her number it will be on his old bills. I’m sorry OP but I expect he’s massively minimising. She wouldn’t be in touch like this over a one off kiss.

I would have thought that after that phone call on Sat morning, she would have been prepared for me contacting her tbh. The message was meant for me, she asked for me by name when she called.

I would guess that either she was drunk when she called and now regrets it or else your partner has already spoken to her and bought her silence.

Im so sorry, i think there’s something more to this than he’s admitting.

When I told him last night to friend request her on FB, he couldn't find her. He went to his block list, unblocked her and then requested her. His is still showing as pending, the same as mine.

She was drunk, but not incoherent. She was cocky in her tone. 'Is he coming to pick me up, or not?'

He offered to give me his phone straightaway. There's clearly nothing on there.

He said the last messenger conversation they had was 18 months ago. That she had threatened to tell me they'd been fucking. He said why the fuck would you do that? She said... I'm so disappointed you think I would do that, I might actually do it now out of spite. He said the last thing he said to her was fuck off, and deleted and blocked her.

Obvs this is his story.

I'm just... It's a bit like a bereavement, I suppose. Every emotion is coming out at 10 minute intervals.

"I might actually do it now out of spite"? We, that isn't a loving, shocked faithful partner response! That's a response trying to shut down the totally reasonable questions you have given he's just admitted cheating (and was forced into admitting it). I wouldn't believe a word he says. And yes, do contact the boyfriend. He deserves to know too, and it may well speed things up in terms of the truth coming out.

@BorissGiantJohnson it was the OW said that to him. Apparently.

No no he said that's what OW said in her last message. But you know... I can't trust a fucking word out of his mouth now, can I?

You say he hasn’t had chance to speak to her OP as he was at cinema with children, he could have spent the whole time there messaging her, sorry but I really think he has been in touch which is why she’s not responding to you.
Sorry you are going through this, I experienced something similar and it wrecks your head. Can you get some support from trusted friend/family?

Sorry I misread. Still his story doesn't make much sense. A younger, attractive woman happened to get in his cab and started pressuring him into giving her a kiss, and he was so shocked he snogged and groped with her, then had a weird convo where she threatened to tell you they'd shagged, then he told her to fuck off over messenger and blocked her. Then 1.5 years later she rings up trying to talk to you. That is bullshit. Absolute bullshit.
Sounds like they've been having an affair, he's been fobbing her off for 6 months trying to break it off without pissing her off enough so she tells you. She's twigged and rung his work, even though he's told her he's not been working for months to try to put her off doing exactly that. Sorry he's a cheat and a liar op.

Surely if you met some crackpot that was threatening to tell lies to your wife you’d tell the wife, not hide it and let it come out in dribs and drabs later?

I also think he had plenty of time to contact her when he took the kids out.

The only thing I'm clinging to here - why won't she contact me? If what she says is true, and she's brave enough to front it after a drink, why not just get it out there? She wanted me to know... So why throw a bomb into my life and walk away?

He knew her. They were FB friends. Obviously this is the first I've ever heard of her, but I've always been the type to respect my partner's privacy and not be bothered about who he's talking to. It would annoy the piss out of me if it was the other way round. That bit me in the arse, didn't it?

Because it's not over between them yet? Or at least he's convinced her of that for now to shut her up for a bit longer.