Would you let your partner throw things when angry?

[lilcreed]

Tonight I was in bed with my partner watching TV. This is a little embarrassing but I’ve had a really bad tummy at the moment and passed some wind (he does this all the time- as couples do).

He got angry, shouted at me and as he flipped the
covers to get out of the bed he threw the remote in my direction. It hit my brow bone. He said he didn’t mean to and that he was sorry and he walked off.

I feel really upset about it. I also feel upset that he’s walked away without seeing if I’m ok. He’s sulking downstairs watching tv.

Thank you all for your comments. I am most certainly using this time to reflect on what I really want.

You’re all right. It isn’t good enough and isn’t acceptable.

I could never be with anyone who couldn't control their temper. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life walking on eggshells (if you don't now, it's highly probably you will eventually if you stay with him) because something you did—or didn't do even—could set him off?

I can see how it would be terribly disappointing to give up the house and the future you thought you had just as the hard work comes to an end and the enjoyment should start. Embarrassing too, yes. People have seen you excited, projecting happiness, planning for the future then oops, no, not doing that. Financial pita too having only just got the mortgage.

All of those things are pissers. Oh well. It being bloody annoying doesn't make the reality less real.

In years to come you'll regret the time you wasted delaying doing the things you knew you would eventually have to do.

That future you dreamed of while painting the living room? It isn't going to happen with him.

The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off

The tool throwing in the past was a red flag. You'll spot that kind of thing faster with future boyfriends.

Leaving the remote aside, have you asked him why something as trivial as a fart made him get so angry? I think the drip feed about his dad reveals a lot, if you needed counselling he must be bottling a lot up.
I think the panic to ring WA, red flags etc are a bit hysterical, a one off in 6 years in the heat of the moment isn’t necessarily an abusive relationship. He’s admitted it was wrong, but I think you’ve both got a lot to sort out and talk about.

Agree with JK about people panicking e.g. calling WA etc.

However, I still think its very odd behaviour all-round, completely out of order and uncalled for.

Hope you can use the time fruitfully for reflection OP.

You also said that he throws his tools at work when angry so it's clear he does have form for violent behaviour even if not towards you until just recently.

You're young. You've been together since you were 17. Just because you were together then doesn't mean you have to stay together. Do you really, really want to be tied to him for the rest of your life?

Well I have almost trained DD5 out of occasionally throwing stuff in a temper so no, i'd say a fully grown man should not be throwing remote controls in the direction of his Ill (if a little stinky) beloved. Fuck that OP, I'd get rid.

Not sure how minimising it and making excuses and continuing to sulk is admitting it was wrong in any meaningful sense.

Just realised that you are the poster whose FIL has been sent to prison for viewing child sex abuse and whose MIL is supporting him.
God, how bad do things have to get before you leave this relationship?
You are 23.plenty of time to find a non-violent man who will not expose your future children to convicted child abusers.
In years to come, you will really regret staying in this relationship if you don't leave

Sounds like in his family the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

@Isthisit22
I’ll review my comment if this is that poster, christ that relationship is a disaster. OP run away.

Thank you all for your comments. I will take on your advice. Thank you for all taking the time. This is the last comment I will be posting as I feel that there are things being presented that I don’t want to get into as part of my recovery process. Thank you again.

Get out. Don't put up with a man who throw things at you. (Also, he doesn't like you farting? What a child! It's not like you did it in his face while he was eating his tea. You should be able to pass wind in your own bloody home!)

Apart from anything else, it was incredibly childish behaviour. It's the sort of thing that my DD1 (10) has done regularly the last few years; she has attachment issues connected to her adoption which we've been getting her help for.

An adult should be able to cope with his anger issues, though, or else he shouldn't be in a relationship at all.

You're 23. You've got your entire life ahead of you. You don't have to be stuck with this man.

...and is outraged that I would think any different. He’s making me feel like I’m mental! That’s what abusive people do. They make you think you’ve misunderstood. Or that it was an accident. Or that you deserved it and it won’t happen again if you only do things better so as not to upset him. I grew up with DV. If my DH threw anything in my direction, our marriage would be over.

You again? How many more threads?

Hopefully posters will respect OPs wishes and move on.

No need for nastiness Brigid.

@bluesea
If you look at previous threads you’ll understand Brigids frustration.
. paedophile Fil
.controlling Mil
.porn addict DP
. she’s a teacher dithering whether to talk to Fil when he comes out prison
.DP lies about his DF convictions as he wants to stay in touch
.Mil wants them all to be happy families
.DP obeys his DM
that’s what I can remember!!!!

Fantastic summary JKScot4

JKScot4 thanks for that I remember those!

All the same op? Ffs

Everyone knows how long it can take a woman to leave an abusive relationship. Why all the "ffs" and eye rolling. She can post as many times as she bloody wants! She's now been hounded off her own thread. Well done.

Sounds like an accident, but equally sounds like he wasn't bothered when it hit you. I'd be cross

Well said @Chewchewismyspiritanimal

This is supposed to be supportive advice and help, not orders and frustrated anger (sometimes understandable, but it should be kept to yourself!). Hounding a poster for not recognising mn pearls of advice and immediately acting on It is not going to encourage them to either return or accept that advice. That kind of attitude makes most people defensive and less likely to see the wisdom.