How often have sex in a relationship - first year?

[user2348]

Hi there,
I'm 41 (he's 45) and my relationship is now quite settled and secure - only about eight months in...first months involved more sex, and we see each other several times a week. But don't have sex every time - is that normal? He says he used to have a high sex drive, but now it's prob medium. I've not been in a relationship for a long time and feel I don't know what's normal! But I also feel like I want to ask the question to others if this is...as aren't you meant to be jumping each other every time you see each other for at least a year or two? We have good sex, but I'd like him to initiate it more. But I'm also not dissatisfied, and tbh my sex drive isn't what it was in my 20s either. Thanks for any thoughts!

To add - we both work and typically the times we don't have sex are midweek when we've been at work. He commented the other day that he's glad I don't pressurise him for sex mid-week as he's dated other girls who have.

Well everyone is different I suppose. I'm 11 months into a relationship both late 30s. We have sex everytime we see each other (4 or 5 times a week) but I've always had a high sex drive and clearly so does my boyf.

Your fella may just have found his 'normal' but it may not be enough for you.

Everyone is different.
In my 30’s i could have had sex everyday and then more at the weekends.

Now I’m Late 40’s 2-3 times as week is enough.

No need to worry unless you actually want more than you are having.

Gosh it makes me question how normal we are!

I’m 29 my partner two years younger. We barely have sex in the week and between maybe 2 and 6 times at the weekend. I think it’s due to tiredness midweek and the kids. Saying that we only have the girls half of the week?

We’ve just gone 8 days without it as I came on

There’s no normal amount it’s what you’re both happy with. I can go weeks without wanting it and then have it every day for a week.

That sounds normal. If you're not happy with how often, it's worth talking about with your partner and just checking everything is okay and there's no problems. Communication is key. DP and I had sex every time we saw each other for the first sort of 6 months, then we started doing more stuff that wasn't just him coming round on an evening for dinner and sex. We still have sex fairly often for two people that don't live together, and that's worked for 2 years

Hiya op, newish relationship here too. We usually stay together every second night and don't have sex all the time. He's 49, I'm 47.

He has a very manual job but also trains with a sport twice a week so is often knackered. I work 12 hour shifts so am also tired by the time night rolls in. Mornings are usually our time

As others have said, it all depends. I had a fwb before and we could be three/four times a night as we didn't see each other often.

The only amount that actually matters is you and your partners, and the best way to figure that out is by talking with them about it honestly.

How many times on average a week? Or is it more just weekends.

I've got an app to track my cycle and put in various symptoms. You can also input when you have sex and it gives you an average over a timeframe. DPs and I first year says every 3 days average. And the first 5 months our opportunities were very very limited and we didn't have much sex.

I have noted DP gets tired through a manual job so is more up for it at weekends. Age is a factor too. From what I've heard menin their 40s don't want it as much as men in their 20s/30s (generally speaking).

DP reckons men and women's sexual peak interchange. Men want it a lot when younger which tails offa bit, women want more as they get a bit older. I'm sure he said he read that somewhere.

Normal is whatever you’re mutually happy with. It’s trickier if one of you isn’t happy, obviously. And from what he’s said about being glad for no mid-week sex, it sounds like his sex drive is somewhat lower than yours and not really something he’s able or willing to change - you’ll have to decide whether the rest of the relationship outweighs lack of sex.

Honestly, it would be a deal breaker for me, I’m sure once or twice a week if fine for some people but I’d be disappointed. Three years together: boyfriend and I see each other a handful of times a week and virtually always have sex evening and morning when we do. We’re pretty evenly matched.

I could have written your post.

Newish relationship here, we are both early 40s. I want it MUCH more than he does. Which makes me a bit insecure, especially given that I seem to always be the instigator.

We see each other approx 3 times a week. Sometimes we have sex one of those times, sometimes two, sometimes none

Six months in here, both early forties, don’t live together but “stay over” at one or the others house probably 5-6 nights a week.

Everytime we are in the same bed it’s evening and morning at the moment. Barring illness etc it would become an issue for either of us if it dropped off much from that.

Oh we never got anything done during the first year as we had sex every chance we had. We are 8 years in now and it's calmed down a lot. We are 57 and 62.

Every time we see each other older than you all ... but we live too far apart to see each other on work days

16 months in. Every time we met for the first couple of months then it died down from his side and I was really upset but he gets really tired at night time and just no time in the mornings. So it's 2/3 times a week and every morning when on holiday. He admits his sex drive is a lot less than it used to be and a break does improve it but I have calmed down a lot too now so 2-3 times a week and we are together nearly every night.

Oh I'm 56 and hes 61. He's gorgeous and I fancy him like mad.

20 months in. About one-two times a week, we live together but I have my daughter and the walls are paper thin. We only have sex when my DD with her dad or the odd time really early in morning.

I am happy with that. I don't have a big sex drive. He like it more I think.

I think one of the more damaging stereotypes people tend to bring into their individual relationships is the idea that men get hard with a stiff breeze, and all want sex with anyone at any time. Perpetuated by men because...men are Studs. Perpetuated by women because...men are Dogs.

My wife and I are 44 and 47, and have been together for eight years. The first three years, it was a total sex fest driven by her libido, ten times or more a week, with our longest stretch over 300 consecutive days. A totally unrealistic rate to expect to maintain, and it has dropped off to a more manageable level because my libido has dropped, and I just can't physically do that any more. Hers hasn't dropped as much.

Don't really remember where I was going with that, so yeah...

with our longest stretch over 300 consecutive days. A totally unrealistic rate to expect to maintain

Don’t see why this would be “unrealistic” unless there were days you didn’t see each other to be honest .

Unrealistic in the sense that life happens, illness, fatigue, life stuff...

Oh blimey I’m even more insecure now I’ve seen the other posts

Ten months here, he only stays over once a week, so generally 2-3 times a week. Sometimes we don’t have sex, otherwise it feels like that’s all we do when we’re together.

A year in and we have sex once or twice a day, but we are 24 and 27.

I have no idea, because (like just about everyone else) I don't keep a record. All that matters is that you're both happy.

There are loads of surveys out there, and tbh it can't be known whether they're accurate so there's no point in comparing yourself with them or anyone else's experience.

boyf