DP secretive over phone

[Redpolkadotdot]

Everywhere DP goes his phone is in his back pocket, when it's charging it's in the kitchen and he can see it from living room. If I'm in the kitchen cooking and he's in another room he'll take the phone away with him. Same when he goes to toilet or into bath/shower he always take it with him. He will never leave it in the same room as me.
Few weeks ago I was having a nap and he was came into bedroom for a few minute, he lay down and quickly fell asleep so I told him to have a sleep and I'll go back in with DC, he said OK but could not have leaped out of bed fast enough to get his phone from front room to take into bed with him, whereas if it was I'm his pocket I would have barely got a reply from him.
This morning is alarm from the day before went off early (I was already awake) he didn't need it and it didn't wake him up so after about 10 seconds I went to switch it off. Found it tucked under the bed and notice when I switched it off airplane mode was on, so it's no as if he had it there incase any important calls etc!
I've mentioned it before and he always claims its 'habit' or has even tried to turn it round and claim that's how I am with mine. (I'm not!)
Am I being over dramatic about this? I know a lot of people like to have their phones on them but I've tried to sum up the extremes of it and it just doesn't sit right with me somehow.

Ex was like this with his phone. It was always on silent too as he'd forget to take it off silent when out so if I called he didn't hear it. It went everywhere with him although very occasionally was left on charge in the kitchen. He wasn't too happy when he walked in 1 time to see it in my hand. I never found out why.

He also changed his passcode at some point. I never found out the reason but messenger came through on the tablet one day and he was messaging a colleague (nothing bad there but very clearly friendly and definitely mentionitis going on).

After we split I searched his stuff and he had a 2nd phone so I do believe the initial possessiveness over his phone meant stuff was going on. Just before we split I got friendly with someone and I was very aware that I displayed these same behaviours with my phone too. I was past caring then though tbh. I had also had the 'well you're on your phone all the time' accusation too when I mentioned this. This was crap. Yes if I was sat down but I didn't carry it around the house with me or permanently be on it even when doing something else.

Deliberately let your phone die.

Then randomly say you need to look something up on Google and pick up.his phone or if hes got it, say "give me your phone a minute will you mines dead".

He should hand it straight over without hesitation . Why wouldn't he? If hes hiding something he'll panic. His reaction to this random on the spot request should speak volumes.....

Definitely hiding something. When any of my exes did this, they were cheating on me. They all turned it round on me, too. "You're crazy." "You're paranoid." And my favourite: "If there's no trust, we shouldn't be together." He was the same man who despised cheating with a passion and told me he'd leave me if he thought he was going to cheat. 😂😂

OP, don't give him a chance to delete evidence. If you've already brought it up, leave it a month and then ask to see his phone. Not later or tomorrow, now. Alternatively, try and snoop down it or leave him.

Oh RLEOM - have we been dating the same man?

Yep, another one here who agrees that this screams of him hiding something. Particularly the airplane mode to prevent him being caught out by any messages etc coming through.

I'm not afraid of confrontation so one evening randomly, when he is fairly relaxed and not necessarily acting sneaky I would quite simply and succinctly request to see his phone. Literally as blunt as "I would like to see your phone, could you please pass it over". His response will tell you much of what you need to know. If he goes on the immediate defensive, refuses to let you see it, claims he just needs to check something on it (i.e. giving himself time to delete anything) etc then I would simply push back harder. Explain why you have suspicions and demand access to it immediately. If he refuses I would quite simply tell him to go. As there is clearly things he does not want you to see and that is really all the proof you need.

If he has nothing to hide he will pass it over. He may complain a little as no-one likes to feel under the spotlight, but ultimately if he is not up to anything he should pass it over with minimum fuss.

I never understand people who want to play the long game, delve into phone bills and bank statements etc. Putting people on the spot unexpectedly and gauging their reaction is by far the best way of detecting wrong doing. You don't need to catch him with any definitive proof to end a relationship. You are allowed to end relationships for no reason at all if you want to!

Sorry OP but I think huge red flags! Doesn't necessarily mean he's having an affair could be porn. My husband was exactly the same. Porn plus affair... hugs xx

I agree it looks suspicious. Have you looked through his phone before?

Sorry OP. Major red flags for hiding something.

I carry my ph everywhere too but.... I wouldn’t jump up to grab it if I saw someone walking towards it. Sorry OP I think he is hiding something.

Hope you're ok op x

I also carry my phone everywhere with me, but, it's also my step counter, watch, sat nav, mobile bank, camera etc.

That said, if DP picks it up, that's fine, if a message arrives on whatever app, and I can't open cos I've got my hands full for example, i tell DP to open it (he knows my passcode) and read it and respond however he pleases.

Equally, if I pick his phone up, he doesn't panic. We have nothing to hide and we trust each other.

Mine was the same. Porn. Kik. Ow. 3fun. Craigslist. Gambling. My phone once genuinely died and I asked to use his maps to Google where I was driving HIM to before we set off and he refused to hand it over. That was a champagne moment

Airplane mode at night I understand as it stops any messages or unwanted distractions coming through.

I think I'd just pick it up in front of him and look at it. If he got shirty I'd tell him he's being really shady about his phone, you could give him your examples. If he wrestles it off you or throws a wobble I think you have your answer.

I'd not like my dh going through my phone but if it meant that much to him it wouldn't bother me. That said I'm always leaving mine lying abound, I left it in his car the other day

If he has something I hide he’s not being very subtle about it. Surely it would make more sense to be more chilled about his phone and simply make sure there was a passcode nobody knows, and then turn off notifications for messages and WhatsApp etc?
He’s an idiot if this is how he goes about hiding something.

I take my phone everywhere with me too but I’m not hiding anything. Xx

@zoobincan same re flight mode every night. We all do it in my house including DH and my two DS who are 11 and 14 and hopefully not having affairs 😂😂😂