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Original poster

DP secretive over phone

66 replies

Redpolkadotdot · 10/01/2020 11:01

Everywhere DP goes his phone is in his back pocket, when it's charging it's in the kitchen and he can see it from living room. If I'm in the kitchen cooking and he's in another room he'll take the phone away with him. Same when he goes to toilet or into bath/shower he always take it with him. He will never leave it in the same room as me.
Few weeks ago I was having a nap and he was came into bedroom for a few minute, he lay down and quickly fell asleep so I told him to have a sleep and I'll go back in with DC, he said OK but could not have leaped out of bed fast enough to get his phone from front room to take into bed with him, whereas if it was I'm his pocket I would have barely got a reply from him.
This morning is alarm from the day before went off early (I was already awake) he didn't need it and it didn't wake him up so after about 10 seconds I went to switch it off. Found it tucked under the bed and notice when I switched it off airplane mode was on, so it's no as if he had it there incase any important calls etc!
I've mentioned it before and he always claims its 'habit' or has even tried to turn it round and claim that's how I am with mine. (I'm not!)
Am I being over dramatic about this? I know a lot of people like to have their phones on them but I've tried to sum up the extremes of it and it just doesn't sit right with me somehow.

OP posts:
peachgreen · 10/01/2020 12:26

I take my phone everywhere out of habit and there is genuinely nothing on there I wouldn't want my husband to see. Having said that, I don't panic when he picks it up or whatever.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 10/01/2020 12:27

I'd be making a joke and say "wow, your sure attached to that these days. Do you think you have a problem?"

Don't do this because it's not a joke if you mean it - it's passive aggressive and he'll get defensive.

Just tell him outright how it's making you feel and ask if there's anything he needs to tell you.
If he says no, ask if you can take a look.
If he won't let you, you have your answer.

Ariela · 10/01/2020 12:33

Android phones at least you can turn the airplane mode on and off regardless of the screen lock being on or off

Sunflowersok · 10/01/2020 12:37

Why don’t you ask to borrow his phone and say yours is being temperamental at the moment? Say to ring a parent someone he can’t really say no to. Ring them for a chat and mid convo go to the bathroom. Put on speaker in bathroom and have a nosey mid convo. Clock his reaction over it too

Bansku19 · 10/01/2020 12:43

It is strange that he puts it on aeroplane mode. I put my phone on silent mode for the nights.

Ontheverge96 · 10/01/2020 12:44

Don’t want to be the only negative one but my partner is like this. I had a gut feeling he was hiding something so I checked one night while he was asleep and found him on fabswingers.com POF adultwork.com onlyfans and admireme. That was a lovely 3am confrontation🤦🏽‍♀️ It could be nothing my partners always like it and upon my findings I did realise that the only time he’d been doing anything bad was when I had this ‘feeling’ it was a one time occasion I’m sure of this because I basically turned his phone inside out.
If you feel like somethings going on trust your gut and have a look! Hopefully it’s nothing x

Andersonx3 · 10/01/2020 12:53

Please don't judge, but I've been this person. I was in an unhappy relationship and was getting male attention elsewhere, I was 17. I kept my phone with me at all times, turned notifications off for certain apps like Snapchat/Facebook messenger, kept it under my pillow at night. I'm not saying your DP is up to anything but it sounds like he's taking the same steps that I did when I was hiding someone.

Not that it excuses my behaviour, but the person I was hiding is now my DH and we have an 8 week old baby!

YouJustDoYou · 10/01/2020 12:54

This was exactly the behaviour for my dh. Turns out yes he was having affairs.

TheCatWithTheHat · 10/01/2020 12:54

It could be suspect, but I was accused of this by my girlfriend at the time (I’m a guy). I genuinely wasn’t hiding anything - I just feel anxious when anyone has hold of my phone as everything of mine is on there - bank apps, emails, Facebook, credit cards etc...

I often take it into the bathroom to play Candy Crush while I’m sat on the loo, and also leave it on silent with the screen hidden as I get distracted by notifications when trying to watch TV. Sometimes I’ll even leave it on the other side of the room so I don’t keep checking it - and I’ll do this when I’m alone too.

I don’t have anything to hide, but then I wouldn’t have been happy if she’d asked to look at my phone. Although ironically it ended up being her who was speaking to and seeing someone behind my back before she broke up with me, so maybe she was projecting her own behaviour on me.

AngusThermopyle · 10/01/2020 12:55

Do you have a close trustworthy friend? If so, at an agreed moment, get them to call you on DH's phone saying they can't get through on your phone snd need to ask you something quickly - then he will have to pass it to you to chat to friend. This circumvents asking to borrow his phone and him making some excuse before deleting stuff.

forumdonkey · 10/01/2020 12:59

@Ariela, you can't do that on mine.

My DP has his phone with him all the time for work and his DC's but he'll leave it behind on the table in a restaurant to go to the toilet, or laid unlocked on the bed to use the bathroom. He'll also pass me his phone to show me things on it and use it as a sat nav so all calls and messages come through while we're driving in full view of me.

IMO sleeping with it on airplane mode under his pillow is a massive red flag

SandyY2K · 10/01/2020 13:00

He could put it on silent, rather than airplane mode. He doesn't want messages coming through when he's not awake and in control.

Onemansoapopera · 10/01/2020 13:08

Airplane mode is really indicative of dodgy goings on. He's 100/% up to something on there question is what .

billyt · 10/01/2020 13:12

I'm a bloke and I take my mobile with me to the bathroom unless it's just for a pee. Grin
And actually Airplane mode isn't always 'really indicative of dodgy going ons'.... I put mine on Airplane mode sometimes as it stops me being pestered by adverts when I'm playing a game.

Some of his other reactions are dodgy, though.

zoobincan · 10/01/2020 13:15

Airplane mode is really indicative of dodgy goings on.

Is it? I put mine on airplane mode every night, no dodgy goings on here. It save the battery because apps are not running in the background and it prevents it lighting up like Blackpool illuminations if I get any texts/calls/notifications. I know you can go into settings to change all this or use DND but I really find swiping down and putting airplane mode on is the easiest and most efficient way for me.

Onemansoapopera · 10/01/2020 13:15

Overnight though?

Onemansoapopera · 10/01/2020 13:15

Good way to mute those good morning and good night texts don't you think

zoobincan · 10/01/2020 13:16

I know we cross posted and you were taking to the poster above but yes, overnight. Overnight is the only time I use airplane mode because when I'm awake I want my phone to be active.

Onemansoapopera · 10/01/2020 13:17

Fair play, that's your reason.

AnArrestableOffence · 10/01/2020 13:36

You can probably tell by the other things going on in your relationship whether or not it's in trouble.

That said, there are setting to prevent notifications coming through with every app on Android. I think in some popular messaging apps you can even turn off notifications for specific people.

I've put my phone on airplane mode to not be bothered by messages at night before. If I put it on silent, I don't hear my alarms (though I'm sure that I could set alarms to override that setting if I cared).

MikeUniformMike · 10/01/2020 13:43

Dodgy. I'd look out for other signs.

crazycatladi · 10/01/2020 13:54

Go with your gut. A women's instincts are never normally wrong. I would say sit and explain to him how you feel but if he's not the understanding type your gonna have to wait until you can get his phone and have a snoop!

Hope it's a better outcome than my past experiences 💕

Pumpkinpie1 · 10/01/2020 14:14

I carry my phone with me all the time ,
But it’s to check the time because I don’t like wearing watches

SharkInfested · 10/01/2020 14:19

@zoobincan I take my phone nearly everywhere as well, do you not think it's suspicious that he got up from a nap to go and get his phone from the living room and bring it to the bedroom when OP was getting up to go to the living room?

If my OH is napping and I go to wake him up or something I don't take my phone and then if I fall asleep and he gets up I just stay in bed. Also if it was on charge in the kitchen and then my OH went in to cook I would go and move it to charge elsewhere.

Those things are suspicious to me.

zoobincan · 10/01/2020 14:21

do you not think it's suspicious that he got up from a nap to go and get his phone from the living room and bring it to the bedroom when OP was getting up to go to the living room?

It could be, then again it could not be. In that situation I would have asked DH to bring my phone through because I like it there when I wake up and I would be too lazy to get out of bed Grin

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