Unappreciated stay at home mum

[Ontheverge96]

My partners just an arse! We have two children 20 months and 6 months and I stay home with them while he works full time. I take care of the house, kids and dog yet nothings ever enough. I do at leat 2 wash loads a day have a toddler to tidy up after and other day to day house work like hoovering/mopping doing the kitchen/bathroom.
I’m just sick of him constantly moaning about crap if he comes in from work and I haven’t washed something that he didn’t even put in the wash bin or I haven’t yet had chance to tidy the lounge because I’ve been doing teas baths bedtime then prepping his lunches and teas. It’s just wearing me down, my partner does very little he supposedly washes the pots but this happens probably 3 times a week. I know he works and I don’t expect him to do much in the house but just a bit of appreciation wouldn’t go a miss😩 he’ll ask me to go somewhere or do something for him and he genuine thinks that’s the only thing I have to do that day like the kids just get up feed their selves wash their selves get their selves dressed then the washing fairy comes in and does a load for me then washes the breakfast posts then our invisible cleaner comes in and sorts our daughters room that she trashed the night before then tidied the now wrote off living room, then before we know it the kids are cooking their lunch again and feeding their selves meanwhile I’m sat on my arse🤦🏽‍♀️ Like I think this is genuinely what he thinks I’m so sick of him coming in from work and asking what I’ve done today looking round the house turning his nose up because the 3rd wash load I didn’t quite fit in is still piled in the kitchen and the kids dinner plates are still in the sink.
I’m just ranting, being a stay at home mum is hard it’s exhausting! Just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this and how do you get them to understand? I feel like my only option is going on laundry strike for a few days and burying him alive in mucky washing🤷🏽‍♀️
Seriously tho any ideas?x

Have either of you put any legal protections in place to try to secure your home and financial vulnerability? Leaving employment when you’re not married leaves you hugely vulnerable and unmarried couples have zero rights or legal protections. Your boyfriend sounds utterly shit, but he was like this before you had kids with him? You thought he’d change?

Differences in legalities between cohabitees and married couples
Your boyfriend is showing your kids a vile example of male behaviour to think is normal or acceptable

@Pilot12 'He would regularly go to the kitchen and help himself to drinks and snacks, never ask me if I wanted anything. '

!!!!!! Wanker!

Be careful here OP, your resentment could build up and force a real wedge between you. You need to think about how you can take preventative action. Do you have to be a SAHM? Could you take a part-time job? You also need to talk to your husband about the realities of how you're feeling. It sounds as though there's no understanding on his part about your daily hardship. Address it now, so your relationship isn't at risk.

Go bk to work part time believe me its must easier than been at home. I work full time. X

@CustomerCervixDepartment
We’re unmarried yes but the house we live in was bought for me by my dad so my partner has no claim to this.

@LiquidGold20 I’m worried about the resentment too, truth be told we have more issues than what I’ve mentioned on this thread. I tried speaking to him last night and it didn’t end well he just shouted me down about how he’d love to see what I do all day and I’m lazy. He thinks I should be strapping the kids in the pram all day to tidy up after him and I refuse to do that. I left the room to avoid a snap bigger than he or me would ever expect. I can feel that one day I am going to explode and he’s going to get it all full force,

So snap, it won’t make him give a shit or respect you. You’ll have to think about what you’re willing to show your kids is decent, tolerable behaviour, because their father isn’t it.

I worry about the kids too both girls and I don’t want them growing up thinking this is how a man acts. They love their dad soo much both massive daddies girls, their the only reason I put up with it. That and if we was to split I wouldn’t want him having them on his own, not to be spiteful or to use them as a weapon just because he doesn’t look after them properly.

Make that clear to him, you are a sahm so you look after the kids and kids stuff whilst he's out at work. The rest of the time he should be 50/50 in the house!

Totally agree - your hours are the same as his hours. You start 'work' when he leaves for work and finish when he gets back. Why wouldn't all chores and childcare outside that be shared 50:50.

he’d love to see what I do all day

Which is your opportunity to say, "great! Take a week off, and i'll visit my parents... alone." Call his bluff.

OP, I'm guessing he didn't take any shared parental leave? Why on earth not?! :( I feel like a broken record on these threads, and I'm sorry it's too probably now too late to change in your case, but why do so few couples have the man take any parental leave? It only needs to be 3 months at the end of maternity leave... or even just 1 month, where he has to do everything himself day after day while you're at work. And he can be held to the same standards that he set you for house cleanliness or dinner ready on the table.

I didn't know how hard it would be to have 2 pre-schoolers day after day before I had them. How exhausting, and mind-numbing it was. But somehow we expect men who WOH to magically know and sympathise. Why would they if they've never had to do it themselves?

Why are we not demanding that they take their turn on parental leave, and learn how to look after the kids themselves?

Why will he not let u work xx

So hang on....he goes off to the gym, you make his lunches and do his washing and all the cooking. What are you? His mother?

Do you get the same amount of time to yourself as he gets down the gym?

You need to tell him you are no longer doing his lunches or washing

I would say on repeat, that’s not my responsibility. You are an adult. Washing machine is over there.

Then ignore.