New boyfriend; boys' holiday

[WhatDoYouSuppose]

Feeling a bit flat this evening.

Been seeing a guy for a couple of months. Seems to he going ok... see each other 2-3 times a week but it's all been very slow and steady - no great declarations or excessive messaging or anything. We both have busy lives but make time for each other too.

On our first date, he told me he had a boys' holiday booked this month and that time has now arrived.

Now, I'm not a paranoid/suspicious woman but I'm not I'm idiot either. The place they're going to is beautiful but is also well known for party people going to shag about etc. He and his friends all work hard and they plan to go there drinking and to have a laugh. I've wished him a safe trip and told him I hope he enjoys himself and i meant it. I'm not a twat - I'm not going to give him a hard time before he goes away! It's only been a 2 months after all.

The men he's going with are all married/in relationships but I dont know them or what they get up to on these holidays. And I don't know this guy well enough to know his character in ths respect.

I have no expectations of hearing from him while he's away but, if I'm honest, I'm kind of not expecting to hear from him when he gets back either. And the not an idiot part of me wonders if it's worth just letting it fizzle out.

Any words of wisdom?

It sounds like you don't need words of wisdom. You're playing it cool which is something i should have done with now ex bf years ago but tbh he was a twat. How do you really feel about him? If the relationship shows signs of going the distance then you'll soon know by his behaviour when he gets back. Give him a chance and see if he's serious. Give him the elbow if he plays around. Good luck x

DH went on his last annual lads hol a couple of months after i met him. I too went away with Dsis. These things happen when you meet someone new. I'd say don't sweat it and just pick up where you left off when he comes back if you're keen to.

25 yrs later and he's been on his hols with me ever since

I really like him.

I don't know if it can go the distance. It's fat too early to tell. We get on well and enjoy each other's company. I dont think he's one for rushing into things any more than I am.

I've already decided I'm not going to contact him, I'm not exactly sure when he's back tbh! I'll wait and see if he contacts me. How will I know if he's serious? How will I know if he's played around?

ItsJustTheOneSwanActually

Thing is, I don't actually have an issue with a boys' holiday. I'm planning on going away with a mixed group of friends later in the year. I wouldn't want him to stop that either. I wouldn't expect him to stop them even if we stayed together. And, like I say, the other guys are married anyway.

I just don't know how you trust someone in those situations. Or know whether you can.

I think only a couple of months in you just have to hope for the best and give him a chance.

Are you a jealous type by nature? I think you are overthinking this. How old is he? I go on lots of holidays with other fellas and it’s rare that any of them do anything like that. Why not just chill and see what happens.

I'll wait and see if he contacts me. How will I know if he's serious? How will I know if he's played around?

I was thinking the same! Do you know any of his mates or wives/gf's of them well enough to ask in a casual kind of way? How was the holiday etc? I don't know, it's a difficult one. If he doesn't get back in touch for a while after he gets back (although not knowing exactly when he gets back doesn't help!) then that might indicate he's been a bad boy.
You sound very cool about all this OP! His loss if he loses you

Just carry on playing it cool.

I bet money youll hear from him :)

If you do... dont rush to reply, stay cool.

Youll know its all fine when he arranges to see you next.

ItsJustTheOneSwanActually yes, you're right. I know!

Zzzz19 no, not jealous at all. As I've already said, I wouldn't expect 'boys holidays' to stop and I like to go away with my friends too. I'm pretty relaxed about things. I think it's more the not knowing the people he's gone with and knowing the reputation of where they're going tbh.

BooseysMom I've got a rough idea of when he's back just not sure if it's one day or the next. I dont know any of these wives/gfs at all. I've met a few of his friends - just not these ones!

I'm not anxious or worried about it. Just 'aware', I guess. I don't want to waste my time or he made a fool of really!

If you do... dont rush to reply, stay cool.

Tbh, neither of us are attached to our phones. We reply when we get the message - immediately if we're nearby, hours later if not.

I'm not interested in playing games. I'm too old for that! I'll just reply when I get it. If everything is fine, I wouldnt want to worry him as much as anything.

This was the same for me when we'd been together just over three months. He'd told me what had happened on previous holidays when he was single but he kept in touch with me a lot and I think it was his way to show me, it was me he was invested in.

Please tell me where they are going...I quite like the sound of it

I would come from a place of trust until you have a reason not to.

forumdonkey tbh, I'm not really expecting to hear from him and I won't get in touch with him while he's away either. I've got loads on so wont have much time to think about it really.

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking, Jane

So you have been seeing him a few times a week and don't plan on contacting him on his return???
If I felt so ambivalent about someone then I would end it anyway.

In fact send him a text telling him you cannot be bothered - at least he can enjoy his holiday as a singley.

Well tbh, I messaged him the morning he left wishing him a safe trip and a good holiday.

He messaged me on Friday and we exchanged a few messages. I haven't heard from him since. He returned yesterday.

Given that he is the one who's been away and will be the one catching up with things on his return and I've been at work today and have been busy with my children, I don't think it's unreasonable to wait for him to get in touch really.

He'll get in touch if/when he wants to.

The thing is you just will never know and that’s the risk you take with people when you meet them, you just have to take them at face value. None of us come with any promise or guarantee in life. If he gets in touch then he likes you, but you will never know what happened on holiday really

Tbh, if he doesn't get in touch I'll know anyway.

If I haven't heard from him by this time tomorrow, I'm going to block him.

I’m sorry but this doesn’t sound great.
2 to 3 times per week sounds serious enough to keep in contact when one of you is away.
By that I mean he could have sent good morning, good night texts which don’t take much effort.
Add to he’s been back for a day and still hasn’t contacted you.
I’d bin this one.

Yeah. I'm going to.

Ugh I remember this feeling. I was always like you op, I protected my feelings (when I had them) and let the guy step up.

I really hope he's been in touch. If not, it sucks because you liked him.

But remember - if not him, someone better.

Thanks.

No, he hasn't. I'm giving him until this evening - that will be 48 hours since he got home and then I'm just going to block and forget.

I'm not one for checking up on people but I must admit that yesterday, I did check his WhatsApp. Hes not very active on there usually - he only has me and a couple of friends as contacts on there and it often takes him a while to reply because he's not attached to his phone - but he was very active yesterday amd last night until around 2am. So he had plenty of time to send a "I'm home" message if he'd wanted.

I'm sorry @WhatDoYouSuppose it doesn't sound great.

If it was me and I was really interested you'd be on my mind a lot and I'd want you to know that whether I was on a lads holiday or not.

You'd certainly be first point of contact on my return.

Maybe that's just me but I don't think so.

Thank you. That's pretty much the feedback from other people I've mentioned it to aswell. Sometimes it's nice to get an objective perspective x

Blocking is a bit drastic though, and also looks like you are spitting your dummy out. If I was you, I would just leave it and carry on with your life. Maybe block him after a week.
I absolutely agree that I would expect him to have been in touch by now but, like you said, you have declared love for each other and it still sounds fairly casual. He doesn't owe you anything at this point.
Do what feels right for you but, personally, I wouldn't block for a few days at least. You may always wonder if he did message and had a good reason for how long it took.