New boyfriend; boys' holiday

[WhatDoYouSuppose]

Feeling a bit flat this evening.

Been seeing a guy for a couple of months. Seems to he going ok... see each other 2-3 times a week but it's all been very slow and steady - no great declarations or excessive messaging or anything. We both have busy lives but make time for each other too.

On our first date, he told me he had a boys' holiday booked this month and that time has now arrived.

Now, I'm not a paranoid/suspicious woman but I'm not I'm idiot either. The place they're going to is beautiful but is also well known for party people going to shag about etc. He and his friends all work hard and they plan to go there drinking and to have a laugh. I've wished him a safe trip and told him I hope he enjoys himself and i meant it. I'm not a twat - I'm not going to give him a hard time before he goes away! It's only been a 2 months after all.

The men he's going with are all married/in relationships but I dont know them or what they get up to on these holidays. And I don't know this guy well enough to know his character in ths respect.

I have no expectations of hearing from him while he's away but, if I'm honest, I'm kind of not expecting to hear from him when he gets back either. And the not an idiot part of me wonders if it's worth just letting it fizzle out.

Any words of wisdom?

have not* declared love for each other

See I don't get this blocking thing. It seems mardy and childish.
I would certainly wait for him to get in touch and if he doesn't, well then you know!

But don't block him.

I would only block because i dont want to risk him getting in touch at a later date.

I wouldnt bother blocking, let him recover from the boys trip and see how he contacts you. Will you know if he strayed? probably not, does anyone truely know without being on the holiday......

He did message eventually.

He said he's home and he's ill. That's all.

It could be he has nasty D and V or Flu.
I'd send a cheery - Get Well soon, and get on with your life. He might well come crawling back with a horrible tale of illness.

Or it might all be true - he may actually be unwell.
My WhA shows as online when it’s running at the background and my phone is on for whatever reason.

You are either overthinking it or somehow insecure/overreacting. It’s early days, it’s always a grey zone in any relationship. Nothing yet cast in stone. Etc.
You can make all kinds of assumptions and build scenarios - or, alternatively just go with a flow and see.

I understand what you're saying, MMomDD.

But surely some sort of emotional closeness has to develop at some point or how does it progress?

He is genuinely unwell.

Op - other than his trip - you said the relationship was developing normally.

But he had his time with his friends. What did you want - him texting you all the time?
Why?
Not only this is an early relationship, you also don’t know about his dynamics with his friends and what sort of communicator he is.

Why are you this jumpy and seemingly insecure?
You aren’t yet ‘official’ I presume but you seem to be expecting a behaviour as if you are.

Well no, I suppose a single message every couple of days.

What's 'official'? What constitutes official?

OP - you made it sound like it was still at a casual stage - seeing him for a coupe month a couple times a week. So - you have seen him about 20 times in total about? And no big declarations have been made.

Are you sure he is assuming you are in an exclusive relationship already? You clearly seem to assume that. But for many people it would not yet be the assumption until the couple talks about it.

Maybe he's feeling the same as you?
That he doesn't want to push too hard or message to much as he presumed you think it's still just casual?
Maybe he just wants to bombard you with "I'm poorly, come and look after me" or "I really missed you, are we still ok" but he is holding back as he doesn't know where he stands?
Send a cheery "gosh hope you are better soon, let me know if you want me to pop round in my nurses uniform" wink wink message and see what happens from there.
And maybe have a talk in a few days about where the relationship is going and what you both expect from it, tell him to be honest and you be same

Hmmm that's a tough one op. I wouldn't call time just yet. I'd send something nice and leave it then for him to make an effort to instigate the next meetup.

And if you do continue dating, I'd clarify where things are at in his head sooner rather than later. Because not knowing has become a problem for you.

I hope it all works out for you. I nearly finished with my now fiance in the early days because I thought he was messing me around. In reality I had been so cool and aloof he thought I had no interest in a relationship with him. Thankfully we managed to have a conversation before we both swanned off opposite directions feeling disappointed.