Feeling like Emma Thompson in Love actually

[LikeEmma]

I have name changed as did not want to link other posts which may be outing to this one.

DH returned home from a trip recently and gave me some handcream as a gift which was a lovely treat and I was delighted with the sentiment. This morning, I was looking for a phone charger in his suitcase and I found a bottle of expensive perfume in there.

I was a little shocked as I did for a split second think OW (we haven't been getting on well lately) but then thought perhaps it would be a valentines gift for me.

Would you confront this or wait and see if the object materialises?

Bluntness, of course she doesn't trust her husband

There's a whole difference between not trusting and not getting on. Sometimes I don't get on with my husband, doesn't mean I don't trust him though.

And the amount of women who wouldn't just ask their husbands but sit all quietly pretending and playing games, is really very sad. If your automatic reaction isn't to ask, but to play games, then your marriage is fucked anyway.

Try and get a look at his phone. Fuck waiting for another month to confront him!

My extremely distant XH who adore(d) his daughter and actually ranked her above her mother (cue huge and potentially dangerous acting out problems later) came back for a business trip with 3 strands of pearls: pink, grey and - well, pearl.

He asked me to choose which strand I wanted. I asked him why 3 [deer in headlights look, I got that a lot] ... AND THEN SUPPLIED HIM with the answer - oh, your sister!

Innocence/denial is truly dumb

Yes, and he did buy her perfume whilst ignoring his wife. It is so lucky I no longer give a S - because his contempt and disregard was truly soul scarring.

He is a sad disconnected human being who uses other people and has no inner life and no friends. I am flawed but try really hard to be authentic and my friends recognise that and accept me anyway. I know which one I would rather be...

Is his phone fingerprint security?

Get him really drunk and then open it.

@Bluntness100 - you are so lucky. "Sometimes I don't get on with my husband, doesn't mean I don't trust him though."

It is really hard describing an abusive deceitful relationship where you are not respected AT ALL and have to enter into the world of deceit and manipulation in order to negotiate with the actual truth.

This is the loneliness of it. People cannot wrap their heads round it, because ordinary decent human beings simply do not behave this way. But 1 in 25 personality disordered people, do.

It has taken me over 10 years of grief and therapy to accept it and know that [his behaviour] does not define me. People who are not abused, have no idea what it is like

If he didn't give it to you straight away, I'd assume it isn't for you. My next thought would be that a colleague asked him to get it in Duty Free.
I wouldn't jump to the assumption that there's another woman involved.
Ask him.

He didn't take it to work @grapefruity

Oh I'm sorry.
But there's no way I could sleep without knowing nevermind wait until Valentines Day. Hopefully there's a reasonable explanation.

@LikeEmma it could be for a friends partner and he just forgot To take off today. Would he really leave it in the case if he was having an affair

Just ask and judge his reaction carefully

Valentine's day is a long way away to wait and see if your husband is buying presents for OW.
I would do the whole tidying up thing as I'm always sorting out or bedroom and tidying stuff up to get it out the way. Is there any way you can pass it off as thinking it was aftershave for him (like the box not being pink or anything like the Jean Paul Gaultier tin) and say I sorted the case out and popped your aftershave you got on the bed. Just his reaction to it.
If it is obvious it's a female perfume box even on quick glance then say you picked up the case and it was open and it fell out and you are worried you broke the bottle inside and you sorry if you ruined a surprise x

Another one who wonders if it could be for someone else? X

Oooh @FoxOnABox you crafty devil
Love it 😂

Has there been any other reasons to make you think he's cheated?

I never understand why everyone goes all cloak and dagger on this type of thread.

I'd just ask him!

Is it a perfume you wear, OP?

Because if your OH is cheating he’s not actually going to say so, is he...

is this a perfume you wear?
Did he travel to a country that gives a big discount / tax free price? Could it be a requested buy from a friend?

No it isn't a perfume I have worn.

Please don’t ask him.
Watch, wait, be vigilant and maybe do some digging.

I would wait it out, does he have a track record of nice valentines gifts though? My stbexh didn't ever get me a card in 26 years so I would be suspicious as hell

Yes he has been very thoughtful with gifts before but usually a last minute man.

I will wait it out until February and hope the perfume is coming my way.

So you're lining yourself up for a MONTH of torture ? This will play on your mind every day. Unhealthy and unnecessary.

You know your husband. Ask him. On the spot. His reaction will give him away, I know it would with my DH.

Well...the perfume appeared on the sideboard earlier this evening! And his friend came to collect it for his girlfriend. So luckily my catastrophic thinking was just that.
Thank you all.

Phew glad it turned out alright!

Yeah we were right ! Helping a friend