Feeling like Emma Thompson in Love actually

[LikeEmma]

I have name changed as did not want to link other posts which may be outing to this one.

DH returned home from a trip recently and gave me some handcream as a gift which was a lovely treat and I was delighted with the sentiment. This morning, I was looking for a phone charger in his suitcase and I found a bottle of expensive perfume in there.

I was a little shocked as I did for a split second think OW (we haven't been getting on well lately) but then thought perhaps it would be a valentines gift for me.

Would you confront this or wait and see if the object materialises?

I have put a tiny little snip on the bottom of the packaging and taken a photograph of it. I guess I will wait and see if he gives it to me and I will confront if he doesn't.

If he’s a “ plan ahead” type of bloke or very thrifty I would assume he was taking advantage of the discount. Does he buy you perfume as a gift routinely?

Wait and see.

Perhaps he’s just waiting to surprise you with it another time.

Like others have said, could have been asked to pick it up for someone else. I’ve gotten people to buy me make up from duty free before. Thinking about it now I guess this could have put them in a compromising position with their wife. Just ask, if he says it’s for X you could always check with them?

I don't understand why everyone is suggesting all this subterfuge of taking photos and marking the box. Believe me I've been through having a cheat as a DH, looking for signs and always second guessing...it does no good when you are actually aware of the OH showing signs of cheating. Why wait until another month for Valentine's Day to find out the significance of this perfume bottle? It could be a totally innocent explanation. Unless there is something more to this that the OP hasn't divulged?

For those thinking the OP confronting her DH will just result in him having an excuse...if he is cheating, he'll have an excuse tucked away anyway. Prolonging the situation over finding a perfume bottle with NO other indicators of an affair is just silly when a simple question can be asked.

I would just ask him.....otherwise it will eat you away.....if you know him well enough you should be able to gauge whether he is lying or not x

Do you wear perfume? And would you wear that particular expensive brand?

I think perfume is a pretty personal gift. I know if I found it in my dh's suitcase, I know it wouldn't be for me (some organic essential oils or something else similarly wanky, yes, probably for me). Of course, I highly doubt that if he was going to have an affair, he would be doing it with the sort of person who wore expensive perfume either!

If it seems like an odd gift for you, I would be a bit suspicious, unless you know his mum loves Chanel or whatever.

why don't you just take it and put it with the rest of your perfumes, see if he says anything or acts differently??

A colleague of mine has asked for a particular perfume when I've been going abroad, because you can't easily get it in this country. Could that be a possibility?

I'm not sure that I could wait a month to find out tbh!

OP will know if he’s a planning in advance type of guy and she says not and is suspicious. I would be heartily miffed to get hand cream instead of expensive perfume.

I’d leave it a few days or up to a week, keep checking and if it’s not in the house, throw it in a convo about seeing the perfume in his case, when was he going to give it to you? There’s no way I could hold it in for over a month. Quite detrimental to your MH surely. If he bought it for someone else he would want to offload it quickly. Has he been to work or had any time out where he could potentially met up with someone since he got back? If he has and it’s still there, it’s unlikely he bought if for someone else.

Would he have been expecting you to go into his suitcase? He’s either supremely arrogant or very stupid if it is for someone else!

I would just take the perfume, say nothing and then wait for his reaction. That will tell you everything.
If he says nothing, you have your answer. It's for someone else.
If hes asks you did you see it, play dumb, I think the very fact he gave you hand cream speaks volumes, why on earth would he buy you hand cream and then buy perfume for Valentines. Men just aren't that organised.
He got you hand cream to throw you off the scent.???
You were never meant to see that perfume.
I hope I am wrong.

Just ask. Any lie he comes up with now could come at Valentine's Day. The reaction will be informative and it removes a need for this silly subterfuge.

Imagine you are him and it's perfectly innocent and he got it for his mum/sister/any other platonic female friend whatever. His wife, who he already isn't getting on with, waits over a month to interrogate him about it (complete with pictures). Tying to trap him won't do your relationship any favours.

Ask.

I had a boyfriend that cheated. One day a woman called up for him, when I said he wasn't home she just said to tell him xxx called.

Thing is, he had loads of friends and it could have been innocent but I got a very definite sense of doom. So when he got back, I simply said "xxx called, who is she?".

He froze for about a second before feeding me some line. I cannot remember the line, I remember the freezing. The freezing told me everything I needed to know.

Much later on after we broke up, he admitted he'd slept with her.

I never really understand these threads, you obviously don't trust your husband. If I found perfume in my husband's case, I'd shout, oi, who's the perfume for. I wouldn't come on mumsnet and say nothing to him, and weirdly Mark thr packaging, then wait it out.

So the bottom line for me is you think fundamentally your husband is cheating, you don't trust him and you don't want to address it. This is what I'd deal with.

I would definitely just ask him, if you ask out of the blue you'll be able to tell by his reaction if he's lying or worried that you've found it.

My first thought was, as others have said, someone may have asked him to get it for them at duty free. Or you could be completely right that it's a gift for you for Valentine's Day, a lot of people would buy perfume in duty free to save a bit of money.

The problem is if you leave it and you don't receive the perfume for Valentine's, will you believe what he says then about why not? I feel like you have more chance of believing him if you put him on the spot now.

OR why don't you empty out his suitcase under the guise of doing his washing? (assuming that would be fairly normal)

Leave everything non-washable - ie the perfume - in a little cluster for him in the bedroom. Don't mention it and see what he says.

Only thing is this might upset him if he genuinely has bought it as a gift for you.

Offer to help him unpack his case with him? See his reaction when he either remembered the perfume and worries that you mustn't unpack or forget and see his face when you find it in the suitcase. A month is too long and there are too many plausible explanations anyway. You need immediate facial reaction without accusing.

Ask him if he's got the phone charger in his case and act as if you're going to fetch it and watch his reaction.

Bluntness, of course she doesn't trust her husband. She said in the OP that they weren't getting on well. She's later said it's very unlikely to be a Valentine's Day gift for her. Presumably you get on well with your husband, which is why you feel you could ask him. She's not in the same position.

I think there's a lot over overreaction on here. It's totally plausible he bought it in duty free for Valentine's Day, they probably had loads of advertising boards up suggesting this. It's only just over a month away, assuming he isn't a frequent flyer, most people would think of Duty Free as a great place to buy perfume, even if maybe it's not the saving it once was.

I'd just sit tight; if it is a gift for you he'll be disappointed you've stumbled across it. Obviously if you already had any suspicions, that's different, but if this came from nowhere it's a dramatic wild assumption.

This is bizarre to me. You have a perfectly legitimate story, you were looking for a charger - not snooping. Just ask him outright and note his initial first second reaction before any mask or lie can slip on.

Don't string this out until Valentines day, how agonizing!

Just to add to previous post.
If you’re worried that he’s having an affair and that you haven’t been getting on recently I would use this as a reason to go to couples counseling or at least sit down and go through why you’re not getting along at the moment.
Me and my husband were having issues and really should have opened up a lot sooner than we did about what are issues were.

I'd wait and see. You've got a plan.

Could it be he got it for a friend for their partner ?? When I travel for work I’m always being asked to get fags or booze or perfume 🤷🏼‍♀️ As it’s cheaper. Or it could be for you.