My partner has distanced since having our baby.

[kerryanna98]

Morning. I'm not writing this post to achieve anything out of it I just want a little bit of advice.
Our little girl is 3 weeks old and my partner doesn't seem interested in me. He moans if I ask him for any kind of help, even if it's to cool a bottle. He sits on his phone 24/7 even last night we went bed to watch a film and he started playing a game. He's snappy with me, eye rolling me and I just feel in general like I've got another child. What happens now? Today I'm writing him a letter whilst he's at work and I'm going to my mums for the day but I need to get everything across to him. I'm doing everything like I'm single and being treated like I am single and I can clearly see he doesn't have that love there for me anymore. I'm heartbroken everyday, some of the things he says to me sometimes too are awful. The other night he started playing with me and I got abit excited so I said let's have sex yeah and his reply "nah you're alright" and started sniggling. I'm at breaking point. He has nowhere to go and no family down here so do I just end thing but let him stay for a few weeks until he can sort somewhere? He's my daughters dad so I wouldn't see him on the streets.

Why would you let him stay "for a few weeks"? Presumably he hasnt got a job, if he hasnt got any ties to an area or his own accommodation. Hes basically let you know that hes a pathetic selfish loser, so why is it your problem where he goes? Presumably he could get a bus or a train back to his family.

He sounds awful. Did you plan this baby together? It sounds to me as if you already know you should end the relationship. The fact that he has nowhere to go is not your problem. You will have enough on your hands as a single parent (he really doesn’t sound like he’s going to be any support either way). End the relationship and ask him to leave.

I can't kick him out, he works yes but his family love a couple of hours away and his mam has recently gone into a temp accommodation so he can't even go back there. This baby wasn't planned but I'm gutted. If he goes back where he was he will be in trouble again and I want to just be fair and give him a little time to find a home. If he moves back he won't really see our little girl at the moment as I wouldn't allow her to stay out over night just yet etc. This is really hard and I can't even cope right now. I can feel my stomach genuinely going funny.

He doesn’t seem to care about your feelings does he. I’ve a 13 week old baby and my partner showers me with all the love possible. Just how is is meant to be.
Don’t settle for anything less

Sorry OP sounds like he’s checking out and he certainly isn’t interested in being a father. I’d focus on your LO, don’t enable or help him.

It's just his attitude with me, and the looks he gives me. Constantly screwing his face up to me and giving me dirty looks etc. I'm trying my absolute hardest to give our baby the best and look after him too but he appreciates none of it! I'm so heartbroken I just wanted a healthy and happy family. We even said we'd try for another around April/ may but I'm booking in to have the coil in a few weeks time and that will last 5 years. Hopefully in that time I meet someone who actually loves me and make a family. Doubt anyone's going to want me now though lol x

How long have you been together? What was he like before and during pregnancy? Has this happened since the baby has been born? Why do you think nobody else would want you?

Sorry for all the questions, just trying to get some perspective

We've been together a year. We had a stressful start to the relationship. Our flat got condemned then we was stuck at my parents for mums etc. He turned himself around and really made a change. The way he treated me, back to work etc. He was lovely. He's always got a "I don't care attitude".

I just think no one will want me, it's a big responsibility taking on another mans child.
Not that I'd be intending on moving on yet anyway.. the thought of another relationship repulses me right now x

Why are his needs more important than yours here?. Where he goes is not your concern. Trying to further enable and or rescue this man here as you have done will not and does not work; he has to want to help his own self. He won't be fair and he is a supremely selfish man who also does not need looking after, you're not his mother. He further thinks you're a mug.

And do not stay with this man for the sake of your child; would you want her to grow up thinking yes, this is how men treat women. You're her blueprint also for how she will and is viewing relationships here.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

And why do you think nobody else would want you?.
Is that what he says or implies; that no-one else would want you?. Yet another reason for him to be gone from your day to day lives if he says that.

You need to completely reassess your whole approach to relationships going forward. This whole relationship reads like a disaster from the start.

Better to be on your own now than to be so badly accompanied.
You will never meet Mr Right if you remain with Mr Wrong for your own reasons. He has never cared either, he put on an act of niceness for you. What you are seeing now is what he really is.

I've told him over and over the last week that he's pushing me away and he still continues to do what he does. I only currently care because if he has nowhere to go he won't have our daughter and that's not what I want. Just because he's being a dick to me doesn't mean my little girl should miss out on her daddy. This is super hard. I'm just looking around my flat at pictures of us breaking down. He was my first love.

He's never said I look nice, never complements me. Moans if I ask him for £3 for some hair dye. Moaned yesterday because I went to my friends for a coffee because he doesn't like her husband even though her husband isn't living there anymore. I'm isolated. The only places I can go without him getting moody is with family really.

Thanks all for your messages. You're all definitely making this easier for me❣️

He sounds like a man child. I would write :

Dear X,

Ever since we have had the baby, you have been strange with me. You sigh when I ask for help. You give me funny looks. You don't want sex. You are distracted by your phone.

You aren't caring for me, which you should be, given the trauma I have been through to have our child, and you're not taking any responsibility for the baby. I had really hoped that you would man up at this time, but clearly you don't have it in you.

This is hugely upsetting and for this reason, I think it's for the best that we take a break from our "relationship" just now. Please start looking for somewhere else to live.

If you think you can be a good and present husband and father in the future, then maybe we can try again, but please be aware, that I may have moved on by then, as I have no intention of being a single mother.

Regards
Kerry

What's the point of him? You and your little girl don't need this in your lives. Where he goes is not your concern, the gutter would be too good for him.

On Monday he woke up late so had the day off, I was so busy all day putting washing away etc and trying to settle my little girl in between. I didn't even have one mouthful of food all day and had to ask him to feed her etc. ASK HIM!! my nan made us a homemade pie and I asked him to pop it in the oven and he moaned.. I ended up doing it after he ate all through the day I still had to feed my little girl just as I dished up. I needed food as I was going in and out of dizziness. I just genuinely don't think he cares about me or loves me, I Think I'm routine to him and it makes me really upset x

Ahhh... so he's an abuser as well.
You need him gone OP.
And fast.
Sod worrying about him.
He's a grown up and he will have to look after himself from now on.
He is not a good man.
He is NOT a good dad.
Move to your mums and give him 1 week to get out.

We've had sex 4/5 times since I've given birth. I stopped bleeding after a week. But he made a comment about me not basically doing much work in the bedroom and that I never have. I wouldn't be able to sit on his dick after just giving birth, and I've got lots of lush bedroom outfits but I don't even want to put one on in case he makes me feel stupid. Sometimes I sit and get myself ready for 2 hours just to make myself feel better, and on the hope that he will say I look nice but he NEVER has. It really upsets me, it makes me feel like he thinks I'm disgusting. I want to be me again and feel beautiful😔

So you were only together for less than three months before falling pregnant. I think it's time to admit this 'relationship' isn't working and to start protecting your DD.

That's besides the point how long we was together before pregnancy. It was a mistake yes but I wouldn't change her for anything! We tried and it's failed clearly!

That's my point. It was too soon, you didn't know each other and it hasn't worked out. You however have an opportunity to do what's right for your DD and not have her be in a abusive environment. Time to focus on her and stop worrying about him.

Strikes me OP you are very focused on how he is with you- do you not care about how he is with your child?

In the nicest way you both sound a bit immature. Your BF in particular sounds like a man child. For starters medical professionals told you not to have sex for several weeks post-partum for a reason. You are at high risk of a uterine infection whether bleeding has stopped or not. Did you have any sutures? Secondly spending 2 hours dolling yourself up for him to not even notice you is awful, especially as you’re feeling vulnerable right now. My advice would be give each other some space. Stop having sex with him and concentrate on your newborn baby. You are trying to be everything you were before your were a mother only 3 weeks post partum! This is an incredible pressure to put on yourself! You should cloth yourself in what you feel comfortable in and put makeup on if you want to do it for yourself...not for him! Obviously the novelty of having a baby has worn off pretty quickly for your BF who’s neither mature enough nor responsible enough to care for your child. Only he can make the decision to step up and be a father to his child. If you left for the night and went to your mums without a word what do you think he would do? Would he be relieved/ take the opportunity to sit on his games console all day and night? Would he call you non-stop asking you to come home/ ask how the baby is?

I wouldn’t write a letter. It won’t make him suddenly become a decent person and in all likelihood he will mock you with it.
Kick him out. You won’t have any peace until you do.

I think you got pregnant very quickly into a relationship that was already rocky. It happens, so you should never feel guilty for it.

How old are you both? He sounds very immature. Also, stop doing things to please him. You dont want to put on fancy underwear then dont. You dont want sex dont have it. Listen to what your own body is saying. Hes not complimenting and he makes you feel like shit. You wont think it now but there is a man out there who will love you for you. You can do so much better.

How do I sound immature? Im trying my absolute hardest to keep a family together. The other night when he started playing with me and then joked it off when he said no about sex it humiliated me and I felt red and embarrassed inside. The makeup side to things I do that for myself because it makes me feel better. I'm doing the best I can for my little girl because single. I'm just confused that he has everything around it him yet still seems like half the time he can't stand me. I've not been immature about this atall and I would say I'm handling the situation very well. I'm young, scared and emotional never did I expect to be a single mum at 20 years old with a new born baby but it's happened.