My partner has distanced since having our baby.

[kerryanna98]

Morning. I'm not writing this post to achieve anything out of it I just want a little bit of advice.
Our little girl is 3 weeks old and my partner doesn't seem interested in me. He moans if I ask him for any kind of help, even if it's to cool a bottle. He sits on his phone 24/7 even last night we went bed to watch a film and he started playing a game. He's snappy with me, eye rolling me and I just feel in general like I've got another child. What happens now? Today I'm writing him a letter whilst he's at work and I'm going to my mums for the day but I need to get everything across to him. I'm doing everything like I'm single and being treated like I am single and I can clearly see he doesn't have that love there for me anymore. I'm heartbroken everyday, some of the things he says to me sometimes too are awful. The other night he started playing with me and I got abit excited so I said let's have sex yeah and his reply "nah you're alright" and started sniggling. I'm at breaking point. He has nowhere to go and no family down here so do I just end thing but let him stay for a few weeks until he can sort somewhere? He's my daughters dad so I wouldn't see him on the streets.

Would love to dress up in the bedroom but I fear him laughing at me to be honest.

Personally I'd start trying to accept that this relationship isn't going to work out, was probably never going to work out, and start planning for yours and your daughters security.

There is no shame in an unplanned pregnancy and no shame in being a single mum, it sounds like you want the best for your daughter which is great but you also need to think what's best for you, and this man isn't it.

All you go on about is you and him, you have a 3 week old baby and you’re obsessing on him and sex, jesus get your priorities straight. You seem fixated on having a man ‘no man will want another mans child’, how about making the best life for you and your very new baby? You sound about 16 🙄🙄

Jkscott4, nothing I would priorities more then my daughter love. I'm screaming out for help from the person who's meant to love us! Yes the sex bit did annoy purely because he made me feel embarrassed. Couldn't give two shits about sex. I just want my daughter to have a father like I did! And currently whilst he's got a "I don't care attitude" it's draining the life out of me.

Your main focus and priority is your three week old baby, screw him. I think it’s a classic case of getting pregnant far too soon into a relationship then realising the person is an absolute prick when it’s already too late. It happens a lot, you’re not a unique case. Accept he’s a dick and that the relationship is probably going nowhere and move on.

Finding someone else really isn’t a priority, your baby is.

Also your DD will still have a Dad even if you’re not together.

I'm not wanting anyone else for a long while believe me. But I'm also not wrong if I did move on, at the end of the day everyone deserves happiness so why shouldn't I just because I've got a baby?

I mean this is the nicest possible way because I think you need to hear it.

You need to stop fixating on the way things 'should' be and deal with the way things are.

This man is not a good partner or a good dad.

If you lived on your own you'd still have the same amount of work but you wouldn't be made to feel shit.
Your main priority has to be your daughter.

When you have a small baby you don't have the excess energy to look after him too.
Do you honestly think if you let him stay at yours he would look for somewhere else??

But I'm also not wrong if I did move on, at the end of the day everyone deserves happiness so why shouldn't I just because I've got a baby?

Of course there's nothing wrong with people who have children starting new relationships but the red flag here is the fact you haven't even thrown your first partner out!

You seem to be equating happiness with having a partner but the best thing you could do would be to learn to be happy just you and your daughter then if a partner comes along you are choosing him because you want to and not because you need to.

@kerryanna98 he’s treating you with contempt because you got pregnant and now have a baby so his lazy and care free life is over. He is clearly resentful of that! A mature and responsible individual would not behave like that. They would accept the hard work and responsibility because that’s what you sign up for when having a baby. This has little to do with age and everything to do with maturity. I had my eldest DC at 18, my DH was 19 and guess what?! He showered me with love and supported our family! I was walking around in a fog for a good 6 weeks with a postpartum belly and stretch marks looking like absolute hell but my DH still told me I was beautiful!
Your BF has done nothing to support either of you emotionally or practically! I suspect he will only realise what he’s lost when it’s gone! You have done everything in your power to get him to change his tune...he hasn’t. LTB!

Why is he on his phone all the time? Get a look at what the hell he up to. Actually I'd just tell him to leave, he sounds like a bell end.

Thanks ladies. I think he doesn't like to complement me because he doesn't want to make me feel good about myself.

He moans if I go out with friends yet will walk in from work and go straight on his phone and that's it not even a conversation about how his day was. It's sad.
I have a baby to interact with 24/7 that's it or my mum. I'm going to go insane..

Why are you putting up with this? Please tell me he is paying all the bills?

This guy doesn't seem to be a good man and it usually takes a while to know someone so what you are seeing now is probadly who he is. Too late now but you really rushed this relationship so please don't think about a new relationship even if you feel lonely. As a mum you have to put your child first so that means only introducing her when you know someone really well and that takes a long time.

What can you do? If you stay he will damage your self confidence further and make leaving even harder. However you have such a young baby it is natural to want a family.

What is the housing situation? Are you financially relying on him? Could you go back to your mums?

It seems like he has had a troubled past and you can love these types of people better.

To put things into perspective I'm a first time parent to a beautiful 5 week old boy.

I've spent these 5 weeks doing absolutely everything to make my other half feel loved, supported and attractive.
I've done loads of cooking, cleaning, nappy changing, feeding ect and spending as much time as possible doting over my first and likely only child.
Certainly not looking for any hero medals here, I would have thought this would be fairly standard behaviour.

I even feel guilty now I'm back at work and currently sleeping in spare room, due to 12hr shifts and carrying firearms at work (not a bank robber).
However as soon as I'm home I'm back in the mix.

The difference might be I'm 43 and aware of this massive responsibility.

This certainly isn't a dig at your age but he sounds like a big kid and way too immature to have one.
He needs to shape up or ship out. Don't let him mess you about he should be bending over backwards to make you happy.
You've just grown what should be the most important thing in his life for fuck sake.

Best of luck, I honestly mean that.

I'm aware of the responsibility that comes with a child. But digging at someone that's carried and birthed your child for 9months is not ok. He had two weeks off work too so he could've fed her a few bottles whilst I stand there cleaning up and beautiful home I've put my absolute pride and joy into. He works from 7-5 so I would never expect him to start changing her when he gets in or feeding her.. he's keeping a roof over our heads and providing and I look after the baby that's how it works. But it's the remarks and the digs, the attitude and mannerism that's getting me. To be fair he's come in from work this evening and has been really helpful and I haven't even had chance to have a word yet.

I hear that you are really doing your best OP but he is emotionally abusive to you, he does not want you to feel good about yourself, he wants to feel he has power over you. Abusers don't stop they just get worse. This does not sound like a good man to have around you or your baby.