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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Advice please

26 replies

Lmmm82 · 07/01/2020 16:49

Hey ladies, just need some advice on a situation;
I dated a guy for a couple of months, we were both so passionate with each other and had a true bond. The sex was amazing! He then started saying this won't work in the future and was scared of a relationship. We argued a couple of times, but we always managed to work things out. After 5 days of no contact he started to message me again and I phoned him up, he apologised for some of the things he's said. He said that he was lonely, he missed me and liked me and wanted to restart things. Then I saw him back on a dating app, I screen shot his profile and sent a text on WhatsApp to him-I told him I thought he was being genuine about restarting, but he was just full of lies and bullshit and manipulating me again into liking him! He responded by saying he wanted an open vibe, which is massively insulting. I then blocked him on WhatsApp. I posted an Instagram story about letting go and accepting that people aren't what they claim to be, he reacted by saying 'or maybe what you want them to be'. We both then went on to have another spat and he said he'll stop communicating with me. He doesn't seem to acknowledge that he's used and disrespected me.

Am I being stupid for feeling sad about losing him?
Do I wait a couple of weeks/months, unblock him and see how he reacts?
Or do I move on for good?

Why do us ladies always fall for dickheads!!!

OP posts:

12345kbm · 07/01/2020 16:57

An 'open vibe' - sounds like a catch OP.

KatherineJaneway · 07/01/2020 16:59

You move on for good. It's not stupid to be sad about what might have been, but he clearly isn't the type of man you want.

Pinkflipflop85 · 07/01/2020 17:10

Just move on.

Emmelina · 07/01/2020 17:10

So he dumped you, didn’t contact you for 5 days then suddenly “I’m lonely, I miss you, can we start again”

Loosely translated into “I’m horny and want a shag while I keep looking elsewhere”.

BorissGiantJohnson · 07/01/2020 17:18

You can't be serious?! Of course block him for good and move on permanently. He used you for a shag. He's a knob and you're nothing but a vagina to him.

ohwheniknow · 07/01/2020 17:21

For goodness sake, block permanently and stop giving him headspace.

ohwheniknow · 07/01/2020 17:26

Oh, and "true bond" in less than two months? That looks like the car crash you described? Don't be ridiculous.

scoobydoo1971 · 07/01/2020 17:29

Don't feel sad...replace that with glad that you discovered he is pulse-man (anything warm and alive will do when he is having sexy thoughts). You found him out before any more damage is done, and should now block him on every channel as he doesn't think anyone is special (apart from himself). Don't put your emotional stuff on social media websites if you are feeling vulnerable as some people can take advantage of that.

Original poster

Lmmm82 · 07/01/2020 17:40

As a 33year old man, I would have expected him to have some maturity and decency!

OP posts:

Closetbeanmuncher · 07/01/2020 20:29

I'm afraid age doesn't come into it OP, garbage is garbage.

Agree completely with @ohwheniknow and @Emmelina.

Do I wait a couple of weeks/months, unblock him and see how he reacts?

...Not unless you like head games and STDs

I then blocked him on WhatsApp. I posted an Instagram story about letting go and accepting that people aren't what they claim to be

...Please stop doing this, you're embarrassing yourself

ConfCall · 07/01/2020 20:38

Move on with dignity OP. Block him. And no more cringe-making social media venting.

It’s so disappointing when a new relationship you thought was promising, falls apart. It’s really ok to be sad about it, but you need to be strong and sensible otherwise he’ll keep you under his thumb for as long as it suits him.

75Renarde · 07/01/2020 21:11

Why ARE people so cruel on here at times? OP has made a perfectly understandable mistake. She was lied to and manipulated. Shes not embarrassed herself at all.

Improvementsunderway · 07/01/2020 21:23

You probably thought he was someone else. Also, u have to come to terms with the fact youve been played with. One more learning experience under your wing so that u dont fall for the same crap in the future. He is a twat and not the man u need in ur life so count ur lucky stars you didnt waste more of ur time with that ass.

Closetbeanmuncher · 07/01/2020 21:46

@75Renarde

Being lied to and manipulated is not embarrassing, but posting cryptic quotes about it on social media certainly is and furthermore gives this loser a new angle to manipulate her from.

Call that cruel if you want, I stand by it.

75Renarde · 07/01/2020 21:55

It is cruel. To say that to another who has posted for help.

You could just have said, dont do it anymore, no good will come of it.

It's your choice of words that speaks volumes.

Closetbeanmuncher · 07/01/2020 22:51

To be cruel would be to tell her to keep posting about it on social media and to block and unblock after two weeks.

The last time I checked I was advising a grown woman, not telling a child santa isn't real.

You're entitled to your opinion over my choice if words though Ren, of course.

BumbleBeee69 · 07/01/2020 22:53

He responded by saying he wanted an open vibe

This is who he is... this will not change with you.. someone else maybe but it's not going to be you OP.. sorry

Closetbeanmuncher · 07/01/2020 23:01

To reiterate to the OP....

*Block forever
*Stop the social media cryptic posts
*Yes he's garbage and will be garbage no matter how old he is
*If he pays you lip service and gets into a "relationship" he will continually lie and cheat on you
*Try and avoid getting invested too early on when dating etc.
*Read up on future faking
*Put on your big girl pants and fix your crown.

75Renarde · 08/01/2020 00:21

And you know, your advice is sound. Very. Cannot disagree. A lot of people dont really understand full NC. And actually why should they if theyve never encountered this kind of behaviour?

It was a shock to me when I first saw it in 15. OP isnt embarrassing herself, she is understandably confused.

Original poster

Lmmm82 · 08/01/2020 09:41

Thank you ladies for your comments.

I guess I shouldn't have posted the Instagram post, but I was testing the waters to see if I'd get a reaction from him...and obviously I did.
Anyway I guess we all learn from out mistakes!

OP posts:

PinkMonkeyBird · 08/01/2020 10:45

Yeah, just block and move on. It's a shame it ended the way it did, but ultimately, he's turned out to be a total dick, hasn't he?

TwentyViginti · 08/01/2020 10:53

Run of the mill player and hole seeker. Wise advice not to emotionally vomit all over social media.

'open vibe'

BumbleBeee69 · 08/01/2020 22:18

you deserve someone so much better OP.. good luck

justtheother · 09/01/2020 02:25

I am so sorry but it seems like this man is taking the piss out of you. He has come back to you when he is horny, but he is clearly trying to keep his options open for something 'better'.

You deserve more than this. Don't be someones back up till they find your replacement.

And it is ok to feel hurt and sad as you clearly had feelings for this person and he has let you down and treated you awfully.

My advice is to permanently block him as you deserve better.

TPR93 · 12/01/2020 23:13

You wasnt both having an affair was you?...

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