Husband can't get over my past

[Kidsdub]

My DH had yet another argument about my past sexually partners I had more than him. Over the years when this subject came up he'd say u never mention him so like how many have u had ? I get defensive etc and we'd argue and eventually get over it. It always comes up again and again he'd say u never mention that one. Lately we have not been getting on but I thought we were getting on better than this comes up again. Again he says I lied and never mentioned that one, I've only had 7 boyf before him but he'd had only 2. He is saying I'm a liarer and it's not how many it's the lying. We are together 17 years and not once has he had trust issues in out relationships I've never once been untrustworthy. Hes now saying he can't believe me and cant move on. I dont think I've lied but because he makes me feel awful I may have but thought I told him everyone.

I’ve been with my husband a long time. He has no idea of my sexual history. He knows nothing of who i smelt with

I don’t know the full extent of his.

Why does we need to know each others one night stands for??

I've a friend whose DH is like this. He once went through all hers and all her friends (including mine) Facebook photos going back years looking for pictures of her with other men from before they met. Not ok.

''He is saying I'm a liarer and it's not how many it's the lying. We are together 17 years and not once has he had trust issues in out relationships I've never once been untrustworthy. Hes now saying he can't believe me and cant move on.''

I'm so sorry, but there's a script cheaters follow and what he is saying and doing is straight from it.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1634754-Men-affairs-what-is-the-script

Seems to me like it won't be long before he starts accusing you of cheating on him. He is laying the foundations for it.

I've been with my DH for 20 years. Do you know what? I can hardly remember who I slept with before (not loads). It is ancient history. Do you know what else? Not once in 20 years have either of us ever talked about our sex lives before we met.

I’ve had twice as many partners as my dh. I’m not even sure I could name them all off the top of my head! It’s something we discussed really early in our relationship and it’s never come up again because it’s a non-issue. Who cares?

He sounds really insecure, but also like he is projecting some guilt about something onto you.

Hes now saying he can't believe me and cant move on.

tell him ok how does he want to organise the divorce.

I also wouldn't be surprised if he is cheating. Either way he sounds tedious.

He’s an insecure, judgemental twat! And that’s coming from someone who had one partner!

I’m guessing he’s awful in other ways too, OP?

This is abusive.
Tell him if he talks about it again he is out on his arse.
And mean it.

It's none of his business OP.

Tell him that and that if he's going to continue to bring it up and cause problems then the doors over there. He doesn't have to stay with you.

I worked with a girl once who used to beat up her blokes past girlfriends if she come across them. There was no reasoning with her at all, she was a bit fucked up.

Thank you all for your replys. Its not a recent thing it has come up throughout our marriage. It always upset him and caused issues. Lately things are not great we've had to deal with a lot of stress with one of our children and its put a huge strain on our marriage. I've no reason to think he's cheating. But I think he may want out. He's really hurt over this didn't sleep last night and saying today he's very hurt.
I never thought he was abusive ,we argue things are stressed but not abuse ?

has he always been this controlling and jealous because it won't ever get better.

It IS abuse though.

WTF is wrong with him?
It's like saying "How dare you have sexual relations with other men before you knew of my existence?!"

I'd hold him to it. Tell him if he really can't get past the fact you had other sexual partners before you met or requires an itemised list of what you have been up to before you two even knew of each other's existence then he clearly has issues he needs to work on and is free to leave.

@TheInebriati, that's a good one and I'd wish I'd read it before the XP had his Midlife Crisis.

The warning signs for me were The New Hobby - so often out of signal, didn't hear the phone, out of charge etc, Change in Habits, and The Script.

@Kidsdub

One giveaway was references to other men, accusations of affairs. There was one incident, a quiet drink with a former colleague who is married that got bigged up into a night on the lash and going back to his hotel. Whatever he was getting up to was blamed on this innocent evening several years previously.

@Kidsdub, I would guess that your DH is picking a fight because he is up to no good, and that it will be blamed on you because you had had more partners.

He's really hurt over this didn't sleep last night and saying today he's very hurt.

He's 'very hurt' over something that happened before you ever knew him? Something that happened almost two decades ago? He's not 'hurt', he's using it as a club to beat you into submission. And yes, that IS abusive. And it sounds as if it's working because you're questioning yourself.

If you think he may want out of the marriage, thank your lucky stars!
And please schedule an appointment with a good solicitor, right now. You need to get legal advice to find out exactly what your position is regarding marital assets (especially a family home) and possible maintenance.

He's really hurt over this didn't sleep last night and saying today he's very hurt.

He is hurt because you had a life before you met him? Seriously? Did he think you were lying in a box waiting for him to discover you and wind you up to perform for him? This is stupid twattery. He isn't hurt. He is creating a scenario so when he finally leaves you he hopes you will have drunk the koolaid and believe it was your unreasonable behaviour BEFORE you married that broke the marriage.

Make him own his own choices ffs. He is such a loser.

He's not happy about something that happened over 17 years ago?

Are any of these past partners still in your life? What kind of details have you and your husband discussed about past partners?

It's abusive to repeatedly put you on the spot and interrogate you about your past. It's verbal/emotional abuse, implying that you've had too many partners, and calling you a liar.

After 17 years together he’s still picking over old bones such as your previous relationships?! That is bang out of order and sounds like it’s the only stick he has to beat you with whenever you have an argument. If you were telling him these men were better lovers or something I could understand why he would get upset/ argumentative about it.
I suspect the real reason he’s bringing this up is because he’s cheating/cheated and feels guilty so he’s projecting the blame onto you in the only way he knows how. That way he feels justified in what he’s doing or has done.

Over the years when this subject came up he'd say u never mention him so like how many have u had ?

You've told him it's 7 partners and presumably maintained that. Calling you a liar is a form of gaslighting. He has nothing to be hurt about, OP.

He’s using your past, something that you can not change, as a stick to beat you with in order deflect the real problem, his insecurities.

You need to accept that this is who he is and if it wasn’t your sexual history it would be something else because his issue isn’t your sexual past, it’s his insecurity.

I’d tell him that you’ve been with 50 other men plus him.. let him really stress n overreact😬
Then I’d tell him to pack his bags n bugger off

He is an abuser - if you want to keep dealing with this and it getting worse every year, then stay. I would recommend leaving.

Sorry OP but that’s the biggest heap of shit I’ve heard. He didn’t sleep because he’s so hurt. What a crock.
Tell him to fuck off and get over himself.