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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being too sensitive?

37 replies

LittleAndFierce · 07/01/2020 12:45

I just need to vent and I don't really have anyone I can speak to, also I need to know if I'm being oversensitive.

My partner and I have been together for 6.5 years. He has went back to university to study while I work full time. I pay the majority of our bills including mortgage, electricity, gas, food etc he would say he uses his money to keep us going throughout the month but that's due to the fact my money is spent in days on bills! At Christmas I spent around £200 on him and he did not buy me as much as a box of chocolates. He promised me when he was paid he'd treat me, I still haven't even received a box of chocolates.

We had an argument a few days ago due to him saying I wasn't "pulling my weight" with chores. I had been working 42 hours each week and have been very unwell which resulted in me being on antibiotics for two weeks. First argument we have he brings up that I hadn't been cleaning up or making dinner, the antibiotics had been making me sick several times a day. He had been off university for three weeks over festive period. He said some really nasty things - I'm lazy, a slob, a lazy bstard, a bstard in general, brought my parents into the argument, he called me dirty and useless. The thing is, I can't seem to get over the things he said. I have brought it up to him and told him I feel he crossed a line. He said a hurried sorry but it was not a genuine apology and I've went over his words in my heads for days.

I feel he takes me for granted - he does not stop and consider how easy his life actually is. It would be nice for him to appreciate what I do for him more and acknowledge that I work hard to allow him to achieve his dreams. Am I being silly? I feel totally taken for granted.

OP posts:
12345kbm · 07/01/2020 12:49

You need to finish the relationship as soon as is humanly possible. Just get out of there. He's treating you with contempt and has absolutely no respect for you.

Longblondeandblueeyes · 07/01/2020 12:50

Hang on, so you pay all the bills and work full time, and he calls you lazy? And also names, like Bastard? Doesn't care for you while you are ill. And didn't get you a Christmas present?

I would dump him, he sounds like a total twat.

Longblondeandblueeyes · 07/01/2020 12:51

Is Uni far away? Does he stay on campus or commute?

hellsbellsmelons · 07/01/2020 13:23

Wow - he sounds vile OP.
Why are you with him?
Does have any good points?
You are working and paying for everything and while you are ill he has a go at you for not pulling your weight and being a lazy bastard.
You know what to do OP!
What is the living situation?
Could he go to a friend or family member?
He IS taking you for granted.
He is also verbally abusive towards you.
He doesn't care about you at all.
He has no respect for you what-so-ever.
Time to cut and run OP.

Whynosnowyet · 07/01/2020 13:25

Get rid op.
Today.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/01/2020 13:29

And you are with this user of a man because?

He really does not care at all for you and you are allowing yourself to be used.

Why is your relationship bar so very low here?. Work hard to achieve your own dreams also, not someone else's.

mamato3lads · 07/01/2020 13:32

Cheeky bastard!! He is having a laugh....taking the piss and getting away with it. Either deal with him or leave him. The resentment will build otherwise and you'll be miserable

He's projecting his own faults onto you...trying to manipulate and control you. Tell him to Do One.

X

namechange4eva · 07/01/2020 13:37

Awful! You deserve sooo much better! He either genuinely realises he has been a prick and apologises (and works at being a better partner) or I would seriously think about being on your own with the option of meeting someone who treats you like any self-respecting person should be treated.

Windmillwhirl · 07/01/2020 13:38

He's an absolute user. Sponging off you while he invests in his career and future.

I hope you leave him, he's horrible.

inwood · 07/01/2020 13:39

You need to get rid asap. He is taking you for a mug.

HollowTalk · 07/01/2020 13:43

What on earth would someone have to do before you'd dump them, OP? You are being treated really badly and taken for granted on a massive scale by a man who is horrible to you.

BumbleBeee69 · 07/01/2020 14:02

He's ripping the PISS out of you.. I bet when he qualifies he walks out on you anyway.. he's using you to pay for his further education.. don't be a MUG OP.. kick him out.. Flowers

MarieG10 · 07/01/2020 14:05

He is your cocklodger...until he finishes university and I bet he will then line up his new woman. I suggest you do a Lord Sugar in him ..."you're fired"

ChangedMyNameYetAgain · 07/01/2020 14:21

You are funding his lifestyle and he's taking the piss. Get rid.

OhMeows · 07/01/2020 14:35

Is the mortgage in both names?

Pinkbonbon · 07/01/2020 14:39

Wtf would you stay for a second after someone called you a bastard?

Fuck that.

People who love you...or heck, even like you, do not talk to you like that.

It's abuse.

He's also a big old user too by the sounds of it. Get yourself out if this 'relationship'.

JKScot4 · 07/01/2020 14:41

What?? He’s been lying on his arse for 3 wks whilst you work, he should be doing all the chores.
I’m raging on your behalf, tell him to get to fuck, asap!!

ravenmum · 07/01/2020 14:49

Why are you trying to get this awful man to appreciate you?

BumbleBeee69 · 07/01/2020 14:51

I had a friend who funded her Fiance through Medical School, then he specialised.. took every summer camp in the USA.. she worked full time, taking the bus to Edinburgh.. whilst he DROVE alone (she paid for his car) because he needed the head space to focus Confused ... into Edinburgh.. YEARS this went on... YEARS .... claimed it was all for their future.... he paid for nothing...

as soon as this he qualified ... he packed and left.. and he didn't look back... She was destroyed.. she waited for him to qualify.. she waited for the big wedding... she waited for the kids... she waited... and he USED her...

She took years to get over what everyone else could see clear as day...

KatharinaRosalie · 07/01/2020 14:54

Wow. So you were working 42 hours per week while being ill. He was sitting on his arse. And he said you're a lazy bastard because you didn't cook him dinner? Did I get this right?

strawberry2017 · 07/01/2020 14:55

You deserve more! I'm sorry but you are financially supporting a man child - what do you get out of this exactly.
I'd be telling him to leave. Cheeky bastard.
I'm sorry but if your sat at home for 3 weeks then you do the house work and you don't bitch about it.

TheReef · 07/01/2020 14:58

I'm not surprised you can't get over what he said. He's crossed a line and he can't 'unsay' these things. He's the one taking you for granted op, the dynamics as so out of kilter it's unreal. I'd ask him to leave

RebelWithVerySharpClaws · 07/01/2020 17:42

He definitely crossed a line - calling you names, calling you a bastard, that is unbelievably disrespectful, showing real contempt. And all this while you are working your arse off to fund his studies. I would end this now OP. The attitude he has shown you is the attitude of an abuser. If he feel its is OK to be this disrespectful perhaps he is planning to leave when he qualifies. You should look after yourself, at least live separately and let the twat pay his own bills.

Interestedwoman · 07/01/2020 18:40

You're not being oversensitive, that's verbal and emotional abuse, and verging on/actually is financial abuse.

I would split with him- there are loads of men and they're not all like this, so you don't have to put up with it.

75Renarde · 07/01/2020 18:52

I've had something like this happen to me. I was called lazy because I took a 30 min nap in the day between working as a teacher and picking my children up from school. I earned vastly more money than him, have quals coming out if my arse, supporting him, yet I was lazy.

People who do this have NPD. No ordinary, caring person treats another this way. In a relationship you are a team. Sometimes one gives and sometimes one takes. And vice versa.

Be careful how you get rid, he could be dangerous.