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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being too sensitive?

37 replies

LittleAndFierce · 07/01/2020 12:45

I just need to vent and I don't really have anyone I can speak to, also I need to know if I'm being oversensitive.

My partner and I have been together for 6.5 years. He has went back to university to study while I work full time. I pay the majority of our bills including mortgage, electricity, gas, food etc he would say he uses his money to keep us going throughout the month but that's due to the fact my money is spent in days on bills! At Christmas I spent around £200 on him and he did not buy me as much as a box of chocolates. He promised me when he was paid he'd treat me, I still haven't even received a box of chocolates.

We had an argument a few days ago due to him saying I wasn't "pulling my weight" with chores. I had been working 42 hours each week and have been very unwell which resulted in me being on antibiotics for two weeks. First argument we have he brings up that I hadn't been cleaning up or making dinner, the antibiotics had been making me sick several times a day. He had been off university for three weeks over festive period. He said some really nasty things - I'm lazy, a slob, a lazy bstard, a bstard in general, brought my parents into the argument, he called me dirty and useless. The thing is, I can't seem to get over the things he said. I have brought it up to him and told him I feel he crossed a line. He said a hurried sorry but it was not a genuine apology and I've went over his words in my heads for days.

I feel he takes me for granted - he does not stop and consider how easy his life actually is. It would be nice for him to appreciate what I do for him more and acknowledge that I work hard to allow him to achieve his dreams. Am I being silly? I feel totally taken for granted.

OP posts:
stophuggingme · 07/01/2020 19:01

Men like him are a disgrace. Perfectly happy to exploit your general industriousness and sensible responsible side whilst totally incapable or unwilling to ever step up to the plate because their heads are so far lodged to their arses.

I speak from personal experience.
They don’t change.
Leave while you are presumably young enough to start afresh. Having said that I would leave a twat like this if I was 70.

Don’t let him rob you of any more of your life, your health or indeed your finances. Leave him to rot. He’s a prick.

stophuggingme · 07/01/2020 19:02

@75Renarde if she tells him she’s lost her job he will probably vanish the useless toad

Spacedust1 · 07/01/2020 19:05

Dump him

Scapegoatforlife · 07/01/2020 19:11

Does he have any redeeming qualities ?

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 07/01/2020 19:12

Well tell him not to miss his chance of moving out to lovely clean uni accommodation he can look after and pay for himself.
As you work 42 hours a week and haven't eaten properly for nearly two weeks your place should be immaculate without him in it!

Schmoozer · 07/01/2020 19:14

Wow he is taking the piss !!! 😮

ConstanceL · 07/01/2020 19:14

This man has done a real number on you if you are questioning if you are being too sensitive. He sounds vile.

75Renarde · 07/01/2020 20:26

@stophuggingme

Totally agree. Shes just a meal ticket.

Plumbus · 07/01/2020 20:48

I feel he takes me for granted
He does.

he does not stop and consider how easy his life actually is
His life is easy.

I've not found anything redeeming about him based on your post.

What do you get out of this relationship?
(What does he study out of interest?)

7yo7yo · 07/01/2020 20:51

You’ve wasted 6.5 years, don’t waste another 6.5.

Zaphodsotherhead · 07/01/2020 20:54

I know so many men who have been funded by their wives/girlfriends through university and then left the relationship as soon as they qualify. My own XH did the same, only he was forced to leave his course before qualification due to him not putting the work in.

So shore yourself up for the future, OP. Whatever it is, whatever you choose to do, make sure you have an escape plan and some savings. You may not need it, but, by the sounds of it, you will.

Divebar · 07/01/2020 21:09

Well it was certainly the case for my friend .... she helped support her partner while he retrained to become a teacher. ( degree and PGCE) She paid for improvements to his flat and even his child support. Once he qualified he encouraged her to take a job back in her home town and he was going to join her after a years working in London. Of course he dumped her after she’d arranged a new job and was married to a colleague ( another teacher) within 9 months. He then emigrated to NZ leaving his children in the UK. My friend has to date spent the last 10 years largely single and has unfortunately missed the opportunity to have her own children. Do not be this person in the hopes that he will come good.

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