Narcissist

[whydoidothisallthetime]

So I have just ended things with my narcissistic ex probably for the 10th time, after finding out he gave a girl his number and then met up with the girl he cheated on me with for lunch while I went and visited family!

I'm so sad....I need some help!

I'm so scared of him getting a new girlfriend that's why I keep going back....how do I stop this?

Narcissists are evil. Don't beat yourself up.....I keep going back too
You give the benefit of the doubt, because you're a normal person.
You can't treat a narcissist the same way as a normal person.
It's about raising bars.... & dodging bullets.

I just wish he would leave me to move on but he won't and it makes it so much harder!

I'm so scared of him getting a new girlfriend
Eh? But he is cheating on you anyway.
So he has you AND other girls!

Have some self respect please!!!
And get yourself to your local GUM or SHAW clinic - quick sharp.

Just block, ignore and delete him from your life.
I've been there with the narc. Took him back 4 times. What a fucking mug I was.
He's still cheating and lying and charming his way around everyone he can and keeping the OW thinking she is the one!!!
I do feel sorry for her.
Don't be 'THAT PERSON' OP.

Get yourself some counselling.
Understand why you have such a low opinion of yourself that you are willing to be treated like shit and cheated on.
THEN and only then can you move on with your life.

Don't leave it up to him - take back your own power.

Go properly No Contact. Block him everywhere. Tell friends you don't want to hear anything about him - if they cannot stick to that, dump them too.

This also means you don't spend your own time checking his social media etc, because he is blocked.

If he turns up at your house, ignore him knocking. Unless he persists with the knocking, shouting etc, in which case call the Police, because some weirdo won't stop knocking on your door.

He will leave you alone to move on when he gets nothing from you worth hanging around for. But he's like any dog - you only have to throw him the occasional bit of meat and he'll be hanging around for more. If he gets no meat for 28 days, and meat on the 29th, he learns he just has to wait 29 days.

No more meat ever. That's your ending.

He has just ripped me of all my confidence....I feel like I will never meet anyone else and it's a scary thought!

Get into counselling. If you want this guy back or think he could reel you back in, you need help.

You have to take responsibility for your own life and choices. You know he will never bring you anything but heartache.

I'm looking into counselling. Just not sure it's something I can afford!

He just says the right things but acts in a way that shows he really has no respect for me

Honestly? You can't afford not to have counselling.

I am in contact with someone.... surely once a month is better than nothing?

I can't live like this anymore so guess I need to do something!

You need therapy OP. BACP have fees on a sliding scale and I believe you can get a counsellor for around £30 an hour if you hunt around. You need to look at it as an investment in yourself and cut back on other things if you can, to pay for it. Commit to it for at least a year. Anxiety UK also does low cost therapy for those under a certain income and on benefits.

It helps to get away. Move to a new area, get a new job, even if it's for six months or a year. If you can, book a cheap holiday abroad, there are plenty of offers right now in order to break that connection. You need to go completely no contact and see it like coming off heroin because that's what it's like. Your brain is addicted to the situation OP and you need to go cold turkey.

Do the Freedom Programme if you have one on near you. Contact your local DV organisation as they may have group sessions or something similar to the Freedom Programme on offer.

Actions NOT words OP!!
ALWAYS - He is SHOWING you who he is.
Stop listening to his bullshit - that is all it is - BULLSHIT.
The issue is that you already know this.
Big girl pants on. Bend down and pick up your self-esteem and leave this steaming turd behind you!

Where do I start with a counsellor? Going for an assessment on Friday....but what do I say? I know I'll cry but I can't help it

Tell them what's going on and cry if you want to cry, they've seen people cry before. Write it down first and take that with you to refer to if you think that will help.

Go with the flow. They’ll guide you. It’s perfectly ok to cry. I’ll lay money on it they have a box of tissues there. They see it loads so don’t worry. You got this!

You start by telling them you are addicted to a narcissist.
They can unpick it all from there!

Will they help me give me the strength to finally block him and not care what he's doing 😫

Like giving your number to someone is bad right?
He has mad me think it's not that bad as his mate is worse than him

They can help but only YOU can block him.
Tell him you gave your number to another bloke.
See how he reacts to that!
If it's OK for him to do then it's OK for you as well!
RIGHT!!?????

Oh I did....he just got mega angry at me saying I can't say anything then if I have done the same, but forgives me....blah blah!

I'm just so fed up with everything!

He knew I was worried about going away....and then he does the one thing I was worried about and meets the girl he cheated on me with.
Lied about it tho....I had to check his locations on his phone!
Still tried lieing until he knew he couldn't get out of it any longer.
Fucking idiot!

OP, don't go for counselling; you need therapy.

Having read how disempowered and confused you are, you will need something that delves deeper than counselling, which is more superficial.

Really?
What's the difference?

@whydoidothisallthetime - Essentially counselling deals with the here and now; and psychotherapy deals with the past. Counselling - symptoms; therapy - cause. The first provides only limited help to those whose problems come from their childhood.

Have you done the Freedom Programme course? Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

It's info not therapy but the group courses are free, confidential and supportive. You won't have to talk, you can just listen. But alongside therapy it might help you finally break free and take control of your life again.

I really don't get why everyone jumps to 'you need counciling'. I've got over narcissists and grown from the experience without the need to for out a ton of dosh. You also don't have to have initially had low self esteem yo be targeted by them. They are expert at getting into peoples heads and decking with them. So let's start there.

One, learn everything you can about narcissists. I recommend YouTube vloggers on the subject. Melanie Tonia Evans is good. The book by Lundy 'why does he do that?' Too. Oh and seen as it is specific to your issue run - read up on 'narcissistic triangulation'.

Also, block him on everything. You can never get permission from the narcissist to walk away from them. And they will never give you closure. YOU must take responsibility for closing the door to them completely. And stop them coming back in.

Be sure to remove mutual friends from your life. As the narcissist will use them to worm his way back in. Also, change all your internet passwords ect and make sure your social media is set to private.

Finally, you can do the freedom programs online if you want. I hear its 12 pound so guess that couldn't hurt.

But knowledge and blocking all contact are your main defense against these monsters. You probably don't need therapy.

You need to block them on everyrhing

I'm just so fed up with it all