Message or continue to ignore?

[PumpkinP]

I’ve posted about my ex on here before.

Basic back ground is we have 4 children together
Ex left me when I was pregnant with the youngest and decided he wanted no contact at all. He left me alone to raise 4 children with no family help either. He didn’t see any of them for 2 and a half years and then randomly contacted me asking for contact. I was very reluctant for obvious reasons but due to having no family and life being obviously tough (he doesn’t pay maintenance either) after a lot of consideration I decided to let him see them again. He saw them ONCE after all that time and then told me he actually didn’t want to see them again! This led into an argument where he said he will never see them again, he will never step up or take any responsibility for them, that I “tricked” him into having them. all four was me “tricking” him apparently. And that he never wants me to contact him again unless it’s an emergency, and then he will “help”.

Well after that I blocked him on WhatsApp and Obviously decided I would never contact him again, emergency or otherwise.

Anyway This was back in June. In October it was my birthday and he sent a message saying happy birthday. I thought it was odd but ignored it. Then in December he sent me a message saying he had put £200 in my account (small amount after not paying for almost 3 years!) again I ignore, he text the following day asking if I got his message and ofcourse I again ignored. This brings me to nye when he texted “happy new year to you and the kids” I was literally like wtf, this is a man who has told me never to contact him again . I didn’t reply and then he called me and I didn’t answer.

My plan was to just completely ignore him and never speak to him again but I’m wondering if I should send one last text to basically tell him never to contact me again? I didn’t want to ever speak to him again but I’m worried he might turn up at my house.

His behaviour is very erratic and very odd!! I really don't know what I would do if I were in your position. I think I would probably text and thank him for money (that's common courtesy at leadt) but make no further contact with him and ignore further messages. I would also open a savings account for all 4 children and put £50 into each of their accounts. If he messes with your head then that is bad enough but to mess with the childrens' minds/hearts is unforgivable.

I don’t really want to thank him for the money as paying for his children is (or should be) a given, not something I feel I should be thankful for, atleast I wouldn’t want him thinking that.

I would also open a savings account for all 4 children and put £50 into each of their accounts.

Don't do this.. FEED your kids with the money OP.

Do not thank him for money due to your kids all this time.. he's not doing you a favour, he's paying what is WAY overdue... FFS

and NO do not respond .. the guy is an utter disgrace

Block him so he can’t call and text.

Block him. He doesn't get to dip in and out of your lives as he sees fit. Do not thank him for the money. The tight dick should be paying a damn sight more for 4 kids.

Ignoring him is telling him not to contact you.

Are you able to block the route he's contacting you via?

Ignore him and certainly don’t thank him for the money. He wants a reaction from you and by not giving him one he is wondering what the hell is going on.

I’d keep your front door locked from now on just incase he rocks up unannounced and let’s himself him to ‘see the kids’.

Tempting to tell him to fuck off and deliver some home Truths but save your dignity he knows he’s a shit hence the money and texts.

Why isn't he paying child support? You can contact the CMS or Child Maintenance Service and if you've experienced Domestic Violence won't have to pay a fee but make them aware of that upon application.

You can contact Gingerbread for more info and here's a factsheet explaining how to go about it:
www.gingerbread.org.uk/information/child-maintenance/using-the-child-maintenance-service/

Why are you worried about him coming to your place? Is there a history of abuse?

He has turned up before in the past at 10pm at night to “see his kids”

I’m changing my number soon as I have a new phone but just wondered if I should send one last text saying not to contact me as he obviously think it’s ok for him to still contact me (but I shouldn’t contact him apparently )

I have a cms case open but its nil assessment due to him not working or claiming benefits.. apparently, and he hasn’t in almost 3 years.

just wondered if I should send one last text saying not to contact me

don't do this.. it's a response.. do not reply... silence is WAY louder OP..

He has realised the grass isn't greener and is after a shag. Sorry op block him

It so strange, he started calling at like 5 minutes to midnight, the last time we spoke he spoke to my like complete rubbish, like he purely despised me. So I don’t know what’s changed, I just don’t think it will be the last I hear from him.

Don't respond. He just wants to mess with your head.

Block him. What a dick.

Delete and block. Change your number as soon as.

Do you rent? I know it might not be possible but could you move house? You would then be able to relax in the knowledge that he couldn't just turn up when he felt like it.

I just don’t think it will be the last I hear from him.

Only you can decide this.... and it doesn't matter what's changed.. and contacting you can only be to benefit him nobody else... if you prefer him messing you kids head up then so be it.. alternatively Block the Prick.

Yeh I won’t respond. I just though in his head I left it “open” the last time we spoke as I just blocked him without saying anything? I’m not sure why else he would so casually contact me like nothings happened.

I’m in a council property so not in a position to move, the waiting lists are years where I am. So although I would love to move so he couldn’t turn up I would be looking at a 10 year wait which would be pointless by then.

Is it possible that he is in a new relationship and re-writing the past for the benefit of his new partner? He could be 'demonstrating' to her how he give gives you money, contacts you etc but that he gets no response (poor me, look how wronged I am, look what an amazing Dad I'd be if you and I had a baby)?

I would block every form of contact he has with you and consign his useless ass to history.

That’s possible but I’m not sure, he told me he never tells anyone he has children.

"thank him for the money"? Wt actual f. Thank him for £200 measly pounds, when his rightful contribution to HIS kids should likely be running into the £10ks by this point? So, essentially, thank him for being a minute, insignificant fraction less of a deadbeat? Fuck me.

OP, nothing good can come from responding to him. I'd continue to ignore and block his number, and change your number, email etc. He's a complete arsehole and he isn't going to suddenly morph into a good dad.

Yeh I won’t be thanking him for it. I don’t want him thinking paying for his children is something I should be thankful for. It’s a small amount to pay after 3 years of nothing. I had considered sending it back and I feel like cancelling cms tbh.

Tell him to contact a lawyer. Meanwhile OP stay in charge. Is he trying to worm his way back into your life just to wreck it again?
In short, you need to be able to trust him

I wouldn’t let him back in, after all the nasty things he said he will definitely not get any chances again. He would never take me to court so that’s not something I’m worried about.