I really don't think I want another child

[5outof7]

I'm in my mid thirties, married very young and have two DC, aged 10 and 8. I'm now divorced and have been with my partner for 2.5 years. We moved in together last summer.

He dotes on my two children, but would dearly love a child if his own. I honestly thought I was done. I was a SAHM with my DC and really struggled. I was bored and lonely and generally don't get the joy from playing with young children that other parents seem to. However, I thoroughly enjoy them now. They're fantastic company, lovely well adjusted children, and they've made me who I am today.

My life is different now. I have re established my career, earn decent money, and generally have a life that I didn't have before. I have shared custody with my ExH so even get the odd night out and frequent lie ins. My life is pretty good.

My partner is amazing. He's loving, intelligent, and is the only person I've met who genuinely cares about me. I've never had this from my ExH, friends or even my parents. I love him very much. But having children is a deal breaker for him. He absolutely wants a child. Which is fair enough. He has an idealised idea about what it will be like to have a child, which is again fair enough. I do worry that he'll find it hard like I did, but he acknowledges this and says he wants to be a father anyway.

I got myself excited about it, and we agreed we'd start trying now. But I have massive cold feet about it. I went out with the kids yesterday with some friends. It was so easy, my kids are bigger that most of theirs and they needed minimal supervision. So I was free to just chat with my friends or laugh with the kids. Then I had a lie in this morning, knowing my kids can get themselves up and get their own breakfast. I feel so sad at the thought of giving all of that up.

I know we can do the whole taking it in turns at the weekend to lie in etc. but I've been there and done that and it's just not the same as the freedom I have now.

But is it worth giving up a wonderful relationship for the sake of a few years of restrictions? I know I would love any baby I had dearly. I'm not worried about not bonding with it. I'm just worried about my need to be selfish. My life would be different this time around, I'd continue to work full time (much better for my mental health) and I'd be financially in a much better position, so could enjoy a lot of the things I couldn't have previously.

I'm sorry it's a bit of a ramble, but I'm struggling here and I don't know what to do.

@usethedata reading your post made me smile. I have a 5 month old son and my days are a bit lonely as my husband is at work from morning until late evening and I don’t have anyone to talk to.. and then there’s struggles with my son’s sleep and time to myself. My husband wants more children soon and so do I but I don’t know how I’d deal with all this. But it just gave me hope reading what you wrote.. it’s wonderful when siblings can play and entertain each other and how a house can be noisier with your children’s laughter.

Both your jobs on compressed hours sounds ideal OP. I have a teen daughter from a previous relationship who was 12 when our son was born. I was properly prepared for it to be shit (my DH was oblivious having not done it before) but it it so much better than I expected it to be, and my daughter adores him. I enjoyed my 6 month maternity leave, DH also took several months leave, and we still get time to ourselves now and then, just 1 small one is easier than 2 small ones of course. We do share the load very well and I'm the main earner so that helps. In an ideal world we would both work part time but my job doesn't fit

I was on my own with 3 children, met my Husband who had never married and never had s child. When mine were 12, 15 & 16 we had a planned baby. I wouldn't have thought for one moment I'd want another but it felt right when we spoke about it. They are now 22, 21, 18 & 6 and I would not change it for the world and I am thankful my DH is both a Father and Step Father. However, you have to know its right for you, your life, your existing DC and your future, well as sure as you can be.

I’m in a similar position OP. DP really wants another child, I’m VERY on the fence. We’ve just bought a house in London which is outrageously expensive per month and my dd is still very young. She sleeps great for us and life is starting to become ever so slightly easier. Totally understand other posters who advise that it’s hard to go back especially if there’s an age gap. I feel like maybe having another baby now means we get the hard work out of the way in one swoop.