We have 3 DC all in primary school, own house together, both work professional jobs, been together 14 years, met married and pregnant within a few months - far too quickly really, and he was fabulous in the beginning. He has always been introverted with hardly any friends, all our friends are mine, I am very sociable. We have had our ups and downs. Something he has always done but started to do more frequently now is to tell me I am an abusive partner, which I obviously don't think I am, and when I ask him why, or to tell me what I did, he will say things like
"Can't you see it?"
"you have been abusive since the day I met you"
"Gosh you're so abusive you can't even recognise it"
"But I still love you a lot, no one will love an abusive woman like you except me"
I have asked him why he chooses to love such an abusive woman like me, his answer is because he does, and can't help who he loves.
I have lots of lovely friends, and I pointed out to DH that if I was such a bad person all these people wouldn't want to be my friends, he says it's because I am not in a close relationship with them so I don't abuse them, or that I hide my true self from them.
I have always stood up for myself to him, and he hates that, and has often expected me to go along with what he says, which I don't, an example would be he doesn't want me to go for a spa evening at a friends house because he doesn't like her, I go anyway, and he won't speak to me for days after, but will still try sex, which I refuse, then also get told I am being abusive, or that there is something wrong with me.
He has been abusive to me in the past, all verbal, but often gives me the silent treatment one minute, then asks about have a fourth dc the next day, which baffles me.
I am getting very fed up with all this, and cannot stand the atmosphere, his moods, and when I might next get called an abusive partner.
What is this all about?
And yes I have thought about leaving on and off for the last year or so.