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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Beard. Loo spray. Dumped by text. What now?

474 replies

FeakAndMeeble · 03/01/2020 18:15

Dating new man. Seen him 3 times since Christmas Eve, all going well. Bit odd, but odd isn't a turn off for me, within reason.

I spent last night painting my kitchen and he offered to bring pizza. I let him in and we had a quick hug and I commented that he smelled nice. He got a bit defensive and said he'd had a meeting in the work canteen that day and his "beard seems to have absorbed chip smell". I don't remember what I said, something like "works for me", or something. He didn't smell of chips, to me; he just smelt nice.

I sorted plates etc. for the pizza and he went to my downstairs loo. When he emerged I caught a whiff of something floral and familiar but didn't really register it. Then we sit down together on the couch and I thank him for pizza, and sort of lean in for a kiss, and he leans in, and this awful sickly chemical flower smell goes inside my mouth and my nose and I feel like I'm gonna throw up. I don't remember what I said precisely but it wasn't great, something like "Jesus what the fuck is that", and we have this awful back and forth with me sort of gagging and telling him he smells of lavender and him going all red in the face and saying "what", and then he said "I just used your deodorant to get rid of the chip smell". Deodorant?

He'd gone into my loo, seen the Lidl W5 Lavender anti-poo-stink/air freshener spray gathering dust on the windowsill and SPRAYED IT INTO HIS BEARD.

It was awful. My whole mouth tasted of it and I'm sure his did too. I couldn't eat anything really because it all tasted of loo spray. He ate three slices of pizza faster than I've ever seen anyone eat and less than an hour after arriving said he had work tomorrow (today) so needed some sleep and left. I wasn't really sure how I felt beyond "he sprayed loo spray in his beard he sprayed loo spray in his beard wtf" but by this morning I'd actually told myself it was quite sweet and a funny story and maybe one day we'd tell our future mutual friends like "Haha remember that time you sprayed Lidl anti-poo stink in your beard lolol" but today I have received this text from him:

"It's been really nice getting to know you but in spirit with my new years resolution to disengage from negativity I'm afraid I cannot continue to see you. You seemed very judgemental last night when I made a lot of effort to visit you after a long and stressful day at work and I am not creating space for that this year with the people in my inner circle. Be well and I wish you happiness and peace in future endeavours".

I do not know whether to reply and apologise for the gagging (I couldn't help it!), reply with something witty and fabulous that essentially tells him to go fuck himself (what? What do I say?) or ignore and move on and find a man who doesn't spray loo spray into his beard.

What do I do?!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
SoTiredTonight · 03/01/2020 22:10

Brilliant thread! Grin

MargotMoon · 03/01/2020 22:14

Ahh OP I'm a bit annoyed that you phoned him to apologise...that validates his self-centred bullshit. You're clearly a decent person and don't want to have upset him but how can you possibly fathom going on another date with him and his humour bypass? You'll be on tenterhooks the whole time, unable to say anything nice without worrying that he'll react badly.

Imagine...

You tell him you like his jeans/jumper/t-shirt > He sets fire to his clothes in your kitchen bin

You tell him he has a nice smile > He borrows your lipstick and does a 'Robert Smith from The Cure'

You tell him he has sexy eyes > He pours bleach in them

It just wouldn't work! Grin Anyone who can't laugh at themselves has a big problem, don't let him be yours!!

P999 · 03/01/2020 22:19

Listen to your mum OP. Too many brown flags

Cheeseboardcriminal · 03/01/2020 22:19

Well I agree he is probably embarrassed and you could be kind and explain that you are sorry you made him feel awkward.

Or you could just reply that there is no need to cause a stink. You hear lavender has calming properties, you can recommended a good spray.

VividImagination · 03/01/2020 22:19

He’s probably clean shaven by now.

Betsy86 · 03/01/2020 22:28

Nice of you to try and umm clear the air with him op 😁

My reply would of been... well now my phone is making me gag to as i just sprayed the hell out of it with the rest of your beard perfume whilst trying to kill off that full of crap txt you just sent me 🙃

ClappyFlappy · 03/01/2020 22:29

*You tell him you like his jeans/jumper/t-shirt > He sets fire to his clothes in your kitchen bin

You tell him he has a nice smile > He borrows your lipstick and does a 'Robert Smith from The Cure'

You tell him he has sexy eyes > He pours bleach in them*

Grin crying

Japanesejazz · 03/01/2020 22:47

Brown flags 😂
New mumsnet term right there!
Which pizza did he bring?

Elvesdontdomagic · 03/01/2020 22:54

omg too funny! A MN classic

NitrousOxide · 03/01/2020 23:10

I initially had some sympathy for him, as in my younger days I would’ve gone home and cried in mortification after a big faux pas. But the way he turned it on you so condescendingly was just nasty.

Sometimes people need a taste of their own medicine, so I’d have replied in kind...

‘Tbh I was thinking the same. I complimented you and you somehow turned it into an insult. I then tried to make light of the situation after you sprayed your beard with toilet spray which made me choke, but you managed to bring that down too.

I hope you succeed in removing negativity from your life. You’ll have to do a lot of work on yourself, but you’ll feel a lot better for it. Best of luck.’

If he does get back to you with more blame, which is possible now you’ve apologised, maybe remind him of his negativity..?

PanicAndRun · 03/01/2020 23:26

Dude, he ruined the pizza for you!! Never mine everything else. It's YOU that doesn't need that kind of negativity in her life.

Poo pizza, Poo you...

SandAndSea · 03/01/2020 23:32

I don't much like the sound of him tbh, OP. He wouldn't be welcome in my inner circle, that's for sure!

LaneBoy · 03/01/2020 23:39

Howling at the bird photo

fortunatelynot · 03/01/2020 23:42

This is hilarious.

Meltedwellie · 03/01/2020 23:46

Aw gawd, fingers crossed he doesn’t get back to you. You’re worth more than a humourless twat.

AzraiL · 03/01/2020 23:47

After that text I could never find him sexy again.

nex18 · 03/01/2020 23:48

@FeakAndMeeble you are Ray, oh no what a personal disaster 😂

NumbersStation · 03/01/2020 23:51

@AzraiL

You’d find him sexy if he bathed in zoflora and brushed his teeth with vim.

It’s the new Lynx apparently.

NumbersStation · 03/01/2020 23:52

And you don’t even have to butter a bird up with pizza. They come flocking apparently.

Nothing so attractive as a disinfected inner ring.

ConnorRipley · 03/01/2020 23:56

Came on to say what NitrousOxide said.

He’s embarrassed and deflecting it onto you and you’ve accepted the blame. He’s a self-regarding bellend. Tell him he needs to pull his head out of his inner circle because it’s going to be a long old life if he plans on taking himself so seriously all the time.

Itsmybirthday19 · 03/01/2020 23:57

Love that you charitably accepted some culpability with 'I ought to choose nicer bathroom spray'....

As if a key criterion in the selection of a new cleaning product is: 'will I find this appealing should my date decide to nip off to the bathroom and souse himself in it?'

What will he do if you tell him he's sexy? Douche with Toilet Duck?

NumbersStation · 04/01/2020 00:04

At least toilet duck would get under the rim (ahem) @Itsmybirthday19

NeverTwerkNaked · 04/01/2020 00:14

You shouldn't have apologised! He's clearly a total cock (one you shouldn't let anywhere near your "inner circle" ...)

Also, I find it really weird he got so strangely defensive about you saying he smelt nice and the outset, sounded a bit like he had something to hide.

Yes maybe you made him feel embarrassed. but did he expect you not to notice the new smell?! And the message from him was grade A twattery.

fazakerleyjackie · 04/01/2020 00:32

If you date him again, can I suggest some mood music?

"Something in the air tonight" Phil Collins

Anything by ZZ Topp.

adhdme2019 · 04/01/2020 00:32

I’m normally the last person to think red flag but does no one else find his defensive suspicious?

Could he have had the ‘scent of another woman’ in his beard or have been for a meal with someone else and tried to pass it off as chips in the canteen then for some bizarre reason tried to hide the smell in the hope you didn’t mention it again? I just find it so odd that he’s done this. And then to end things. Hmmmmm

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