Telling DH tomorrow that I am leaving

[scaredandlostthisdecade]

How can I do this? We are both unhappy, we barely talk. Christmas and New Year were silent, with us both sat in different rooms. A friend has offered their spare room a temporary stop gap.
What can I say? There is no domestic abuse, we have just fallen so far out of love. I am desperately sad but it has gone too far. We used to argue but now we just sort out bills and DS, usually by text. (for those interested and to avoid drip-feeding, DS will remain in the family home, he will be happier there and I will see him just as much, if not more as will be not actively avoiding being at home-I am not asking for advice or judgement on that).

OP hasn't given any indication why he wouldn't be the one to leave. He might be a stay at home father while she works - she is much better placed to determine what suits their personal circumstances. I find the idea that a mother is the automatically more important caregiver a strange one.

Good luck OP, I hope you can both move forward to find more happiness.

It all sounds very rushed OP. What's the rush?

Can you not agree to sell the family home and then go your separate ways when that happens?

My husbands mother left him with his dad,hes nearly 40 and it still deviates him that she left to this day

And plenty of people are still devastated at that age be cause their father left.

Do not leave your child with his father. My mum did this to me and my sister. My dad is beyond amazing, the most wonderful father you could imagine but the loss of having a mother day to day in my life has been devastating. She thought she wad doing the right thing. If you’re the primary carer trust me, it’s not the right thing, your relationship with your child will never recover. It might be ok short term but not longer term. The loss of a mother day to day is far more impactful than the loss of a father. People will disagree But unless you have been the child in this situation and come out the other side you can’t comment

You havent been the child who has lost a father, so cant comment either. You cabt compare it yourself.

Not sure about that ^
Lost my father age 8. Never recovered. I think my dad was probably better suited to looking after us than my mum.

"The loss of a mother day to day is far more impactful than the loss of a father. People will disagree But unless you have been the child in this situation and come out the other side you can’t comment"

I agree. I've been this child too and it has damaged me in irreversible ways. A dad is just not the same as a mum, in most cases. Mums carry their babies. To know that the child is not wanted by them is extremely damaging to the child. Being prepared to walk away from your child, even with regular visits, will look like the mum does not want the child, in the child's eyes.

How did it go, OP?

Leaving the family homes and not wanting a child are 2 different things. Parents leave the family home and make their kids feel wanted.

If your mum left, you have no idea how it feels to have your dad leave and vice versa. It's not who has it worse, tops trumps.

And no, both parents passed weaning, should be equally important to the child.

I was left with my dad when my mum left aged 7 and she saw me regularly (multiple times per week) I had equally strong relationships with both parents and I still do 27 years later.

There is clearly a lot of projecting going on on this thread, but the attitudes of many about the uniqueness and specialness of mothers as opposed to fathers are astonishing.

I left 4 DC with there dad in the marital home.
It made sense as ex did not have anywhere to go as no family in the area and renting here is just ridiculous. I had family with space so I moved in with them.
I saw the children 4 times a week and moved in to our other property 2 months later.
6 years on the children are not damaged by me abandoning them as that's not what happened and they understood why it was better they stayed in the home instead if trailing round the city with me and living in 1 bedroom at my parents.

My marriage ended OP for very similar reason. Ex is a wonderful man and father and luckily we have a firm friendship and co parent 100%. We are all so much happier.

“I could never leave my children, they belong with me always. Children need their mums around“

Some of the comments on this thread are 😮. Patronising and condescending - as if the OP hasn’t thought Long and hard about this difficult decision. No wonder OP hasn’t come back.

Some of the posts on this thread are disgusting. Of course any parent leaving is going to cause devastation in most cases but you can’t avoid it sometimes. It sounds like the op’s main care giver is their dad anyway and this has been thought out. Most dads like most mums are perfectly capable of being the resident parent.

No one is abandoning the children. They still have two loving parents.

And 40 years ago it was a very different thing - there was a stigma and an expectation that women should always be the resident parent as it was ‘the natural order’ so of course children were affected more by these outside morales. Let’s get rid of that nonsense now.