Anyone else's husband just DOESN'T LISTEN?!

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

Please tell me I'm not alone. This is slightly light-hearted but Jesus Christ if I have to tell my husband something once, I have to tell him a thousand times! Prime example tonight - I'm going out with friends on Saturday afternoon. I asked him for a lift into town at a specific time and said I would get an Uber home early evening. Explain in length what's available for him to cook for dinner for him and DSS. Only 2 hours later he says 'what time are you going out on Saturday? And when will you be back? What am I doing for dinner?' AARRGHH! This isn't an isolated occurrence and it's not like he's useless and can't fend for himself. I just think he doesn't listen at all. I do all the meal planning and quite often have to be away for work. I will tell him before I go what we have in for him to cook. He will nod and appear like he's taking it in. And then EVERY BLOODY TIME he will text me saying 'what am I cooking for dinner tonight again?'

And breathe....

You're definitely not alone!

My DP is not that bad at all, but there are times when I've told him things and he swears I haven't! Other times he admits he just hasn't listened!

@chocolatesaltyballs22 oh I hear you! I bought me and my fella tickets to something. He was there when I got the tickets. He said how excited he is to go. A month later he gets us tickets to the exact same thing for our anniversary. It’s infuriating. It’s like I have an extra child most of the time. It’s like there’s wires not connected in his head!

WARNING......it only ever gets worse.

Same here, DH often covers the PD days I work. I told him weeks ago he needed to book off the 6th of January, it's also in the diary as nothing happens if it's not in the diary.
Last week he asked me who's looking after the kids on Monday. I told him he was, his reply was "You never told me I needed to do it". We had a whole conversation about it weeks ago it's in the diary, yet he totally refused to believe me.

I'm sure he just doesn't take in what I'm saying sometimes. Maybe his brain is thinking about something else while I try and talk to him. Who knows.

Mines worse as he doesn't even listen to other people! Eg. I've just started a new job at bla bla company and it's in such town and takes me 5 minutes by car. Reply oh that's great wheres that then does it take you long to get there? Oddly enough people are polite but must be thinking . Does it all the time

I'm away with work overnight probably once or twice in an 8 week period. There is no point verbally telling DH. I have to email his work email (more than once) as evidence he knows about it & can be solely responsible for our DC for a matter of hours.

Even then he'll forget.

"I told you the other day. The details are on the family planner over there (point to a planner on the wall where you've written it down) and the meal plan is over there (point to the family meal plan). Read it." Repeat every time you're asked, for anything, and don't answer any inane text messages during your day out.

It’s definitely sélective male hearing & cognition .. it infuriates me no end! I get the blank stare & look you definitely didn’t tell me” or it’s not something you’ve discussed with me.. or this is the first I’ve heard of this.. drives me mad.. yet ask them for sports details.. incredible recollection

As @TwoZeroTwoZero says.
I now say ‘ I told you the other day’
Cue the cigs whirring and oh yes he suddenly remembers. It’s just lazy.
In fact I now say nothing at all

The important thing is to get HIM to write it down when you first tell him.

That way, he might remember it and even if he doesn't he can't really argue when it's in his handwriting

To the point where he'll do what we just discuss what he shouldn't do within the next minute.

Quality of life alteringly bad inability to listen or retain.

Totally relate, DH can remember obscure irrelevant information but cannot remember if it's recycling or landfill collection this week or remember pick up time for brownies

I’ve found my people!!! 😂

My DH is the King of not listening. I get absolutely exasperated with him at times, to the point where I actually wonder if there is something seriously wrong with his brain! 🙄

I refuse to believe that he can remember what location he was working at on 10th March 2005 (he works on lots of different sites) but can’t remember that I told him last week that I’m going out with a friend on Saturday night! 💁🏻‍♀️

It’s the only thing that we argue about because I get sick of repeating myself and at his refusal to try harder at listening and remembering! 🤦🏻‍♀️

And I know it gets worse, my DDad is a prime example of this...! 🙄

Mine forgets things . I print off a monthly rota for him of my work , gym and social commitments - doesn’t stop him asking though .

Learned helplessness. They do it because they can.

Why are you telling him what's for dinner if you're not even there? I'm sure he has enough brain cells to figure that out on his own.

Yes mine does not listen at all. I do all the accounts and have several online bank accounts which I transfer money to and from. The silly old duffer still drives down to the cash machine to get a print out when I could log into our accounts and tell him the balances etc. and he thinks I am thick because I work from home where is is a top knob in the city!

where he is a top knob in the city typo pmsl

Not just me then. I gave him the hard stare last night and said 'we literally had this conversation 2 hours ago.' 😡

Explain in length what's available for him to cook for dinner for him and DSS.
Is he too stupid to plan his own meal? Why would you do it for him? You're treating him like a baby, he is acting like one.

It's because I do the online shop and therefore the meal planning. I asked him what he wanted me to get for Saturday night and when he gave me a blank look I said there's stuff in the freezer if you want that. I told him I was out for dinner and he still said 'what time are you back' - errrr when I'm good and tipsy and ready to come home!!!

Text him everything in detail.
Tell him then text him.
When he asks just say that you sent a text with all the details.
Then bugger off and don't come back until you are good and ready.
You say DSS. Is that your son or his son?
Do you have DC together?
Because we guarantee this will only get worse.
It's the lack of respect for you that's the worst bit.
Do you want to live out the rest of your days like this?
Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

His son. He has two, one at Uni. I have a daughter. No kids together.

That's me too - I mean the not remembering bit and I'm female! I listen, I really really do. But information I hear does not seem to get stored in my brain for longer than 5 minutes. At all! It's just 'gone'. Puff, like magically vanishes. I have no auditory recall. None! Did a auditory/visual/kinestetic test during teacher training and auditory came out at 0%. Tester said it was a first. Lol.

I write everything down as I'm told it. Or email it to myself asap. Friends know if we make arrangements face to face they need to text me as well (we discussed it and they understand). Work understands to also email me when I'm told things, or allow me to scribble down notes during chats. I make copious notes on my phone etc. Wall diaries are excellent (but remember it takes 30 days to develop a habit - both for the person writing it down and the person who needs to remember to check it).

I do realise how frustrating it is for everyone involved, but I swear I'm not not listening, it just DOES NOT get stored. I'm awaiting an adhd assessment and have used adhd tactics to adapt.

There is no point in getting angry and thinking it's a deliberate lack of attention. If what how you are giving information (saying it and expecting retention) isn't working, then the methods need to change.

I'm sure there's a shop within reach if it looks like he's about to starve to death during your night out. The kids are even old enough to cook for themselves anyway? Just mention your plans once, don't plan anything for them, and leave when you want with a quick "Bye!".

Well, my dh is just as bad.

My dm was in hospital and I was visiting her. He proceeds to call me up and ask how to cook a certain item. My reply is can’t see the fucking instructions on the packet from here!’

Your dh can order a take away Saturday. I never tell my dh what time I’d be back. He can sort himself out.