Anyone else's husband just DOESN'T LISTEN?!

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

Please tell me I'm not alone. This is slightly light-hearted but Jesus Christ if I have to tell my husband something once, I have to tell him a thousand times! Prime example tonight - I'm going out with friends on Saturday afternoon. I asked him for a lift into town at a specific time and said I would get an Uber home early evening. Explain in length what's available for him to cook for dinner for him and DSS. Only 2 hours later he says 'what time are you going out on Saturday? And when will you be back? What am I doing for dinner?' AARRGHH! This isn't an isolated occurrence and it's not like he's useless and can't fend for himself. I just think he doesn't listen at all. I do all the meal planning and quite often have to be away for work. I will tell him before I go what we have in for him to cook. He will nod and appear like he's taking it in. And then EVERY BLOODY TIME he will text me saying 'what am I cooking for dinner tonight again?'

And breathe....

Stop babying him. He can look in the cupboard as well as you can. Don't even have the conversation at all - "there's food in the house" and leave him to it.

If your meal planning is so rigid that he must cook exactly what you tell him, then it's your fault for micromanaging him into inertia, and you need to unclench.

Treat him like an adult.

@Thingsdogetbetter I really don't think it's the same with him. He holds down a senior job and has no issues retaining work information. He's just too fucking lazy to listen to me the first time when I tell him something.

It may be laziness on his part but how can you tell? Work information does tend to come with written agendas and minutes for meetings, with emails to confirm verbal information etc. I very much agree with the pps who said text or wall calendar everything, and just refer him back to them when he repeatedly asks (even if it is laziness). It will decrease your frustration at least. And MIGHT train him that his laziness no longer works for him.

And if he's senior at work he probably has a reminder person (PA or assistant) running round after him with his diary etc.

But why do you think you need to explain what to make for dinner?!

He's a full grown adult man.
He can look in the cupboard.

I wouldn't listen to you either because what the fuck are you telling me what to cook for?

You're the creator of your own problem.

Have an "out of office" message ready on copy and paste in case he texts you, saying you'll be available to answer enquiries the next morning. Then switch phone to silent and enjoy the evening.

You've been managing the kids/family for so long that it seems normal. But the kids are big now, and your dh is a grown man. Time to rethink your role.

Even if he does have auditory processing issues and is incapable of remembering a thing you say, he still does not need you to tell him how to make his own dinner. You're annoyed about repeating everything. So stop repeating everything.

I take your point but the food thing was just an example. When I'm away with work I tell him the week before and I ask him to pick my daughter up from school on whatever days are needed. Then he asks me again. And again, what day am I picking X up? Maybe he needs a calendar invite.

Yep. And it gets worse as they get older. DH has just retired. He once admitted he doesn’t listen.

Op
Tell him once that day.
Next time don’t plan his meal and slip out.
He will eventually click.
Don’t answer any calls or text from him. He will have to figure it out for himself!

God, I couldn't be arsed with any of that. Both me and my husband are pretty bad for remembering times and details and shit, but I would be totally turned off by the idea of being his secretary and meal planner.

I couldn't care less what he eats for dinner when I'm not there, he's an adult and can sort himself out as well as I can.

So you need to sort out what's actually important and what isn't. Important: picking up children. Little else is.

Don't micromanage him.

Calendar appointments for pick-ups and maybe have it written on a planner on the wall.

Otherwise "There's food in" etc. Don't cater to his feigned incompetence or do his thinking for him. He's perfectly capable and by buying in to this fiction that he isn't, you're continuing it.

Don't respond to texts/messages asking stupid questions.

I am embracing the view that (many) men are basically lazy as shit and will get away with the least they possibly can for as long as they possibly can.

The only way to live with them is to show them - brutally and unequivocally- from the off that you are not their mother.

So this is where I have a problem as he's totally not lazy as shit - he does more than his fair share around the house. Cooks, cleans, tidies - he's probably the most domesticated man I've ever known (2nd marriage and my first husband was lazy as shit so believe me I know what that looks like and would never go there again). It's just the constant repeating myself which does my head in.

So don't keep repeating yourself. "It's in your calendar"

Have you noticed men have tunnel vision? I rearranged a cupboard and put something inches away from where it was normally kept.... suddenly he is shouting who has moved I replied use your eyes! Still shouting I am sick of you moving everything ... huh! I only moved it a couple of inches to the right and he could not see it! pmsl

who has moved my salt shaker that did not appear for some reason

Oh god exactly the same .
Yesterday my car was in garage , I got dh to give me a lift to supermarket for my click & collect and to get a few bits which we never do and I remember why . So dh bought a couple of things in one shop and I wanted to go to the supermarket next door ( a retail park ) anyway I said to dh while he went to pay for something quite clearly me & ds will wait here and nodded to the door near tills . We waited dh not in my eyeline anyway after a few minutes I thought where is he so rang him he said I'm in the supermarket next door . He only gone back through the other entrance not the exit we were waiting .
How I've been married for 20 years I don't know so I feel your pain this happens daily not listening.

I also think he must be blind too as he said what exit ? It was like 5 foot away from the tills .

I just don't help him anymore when he forgets. It's his fault.

Just like it's his fault when he hasn't prepared any clothes for going away, hasn't packed until the morning and then also can't find his passport. I sit there amused while he runs around like a prat. Despite me having told him the night before 'are you sure you have clothes' and 'do you know where your passport is'. I get a yes to both questions so leave him to his games. He's never learnt yet.

How can men possibly be the superior sex when they live like this? It's hilarious. I think if women didn't exist, the human race would have died out years ago as even if they could reproduce by themselves they'd forget how to.

At 55 my bf has only lived with a woman for about 5 years (had multiple short-term relationships). He sorts out all his own shit and knows better than his ex-wife when their daughter needs to be where. If women didn't exist, men would get on just fine.

If your daughter has a phone and is old enough, how about asking him once to pick her up, and informing him that you're not going to remind him of the date again. Once he's got a phone call from a pissed-off child/the school, maybe he'll remember it better next time.

Men who see women as domestic appliances do this. They dont need to listen to their partners - they're just not important.

They'd listen to their boss in a heartbeat though.

My exh was like this. My current dp isn't, at all - maybe twice in 4 years has he not remembered something we discussed.

Honestly. This isnt "selective male hearing" it's a human being having already decided who is important enough to avoid annoying or upsetting.

😂😂😂 I'm hearing you! My DH wouldnt worry about what he was cooking as he loves cooking but literally everything else I ever say goes in one ear and out the other.
Like if on the rare occasion he takes or picks up one if the DC from a party, we have to go through it at least 4 times.
DS was in a christmas concert for school.DH was really busy at work, and so I didnt want to chance waiting and us all being late. I sent him a text of what entrance to the venue it was, how best to get there and exactly where we were sitting inside.
Saw him in there wandering about looking all over the place for us!
DH : its confusing, isn't it? It took me ages to find you because there are so many different entrances! (And he had seen and read the texts!)
We work in the same workplace. I do the same hours 4 days out of 5. (Always the same 4 days of the week) He asks me what time I am leaving. Every. Single. Day!!