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Original poster

Am I right to be upset about the wedding

48 replies

WillOfSteel · 02/01/2020 18:25

Hello, I was just looking for some advice as I feel very hurt and conflicted. My sister is getting married this year, and I found out she has asked my other sister to be bridesmaid but not me. She only told me when she had to, by text, with no explanation. We aren't really close, whereas they are as I live in a different city, but we all go on holiday together every year etc. I just feel it's such a huge snub, and quite a horrible thing to do to only ask her and it makes me not want to go to the wedding. I'm not sure if I'm overacting though?

OP posts:
Aibuornotoop · 02/01/2020 18:26

I don’t think you are. It’s only fair if you ask one sister to ask the other...it’s just basic manners. Regardless of the fact they’re closer, you’re both her sisters and should be treated equally

Expressedways · 02/01/2020 18:28

We aren't really close, whereas they are as I live in a different city
That’s why. It’s understandable to be hurt but don’t overreact and boycott the wedding.

Cheeseboardcriminal · 02/01/2020 18:30

My brother is getting married next year and only one of his 4 sisters has been asked to be bridesmaid.

Its the one that makes and effort to contact them, catch up often and spend time together.

2 of the others were pissed off and one understood.

G3m81 · 02/01/2020 18:31

I don't think you are overreacting at all. I wouldn't ask one without the other, it's a recipe for an argument. Have you tried speaking to her to find out why? Seems a very strange thing to do if you've not fallen out and still holiday together.

fallfallfall · 02/01/2020 18:33

Totally depends on the size of the wedding and venue.

Original poster
WillOfSteel · 02/01/2020 18:36

@G3m81
Yes, I always suspected she wasn't really bothered about our relationship but I messaged her earlier in the year and we agreed to make more effort as we live a few hours from each other. I tried messaging my other sister about it and she just got angry and said it's nothing to do with her and me not wanting to go to the wedding was really bad. So now I just feel even worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
WillOfSteel · 02/01/2020 18:37

@fallfallfall
It's a large wedding, a lot of people coming, all family and I think about 6 bridesmaids.

OP posts:
fallfallfall · 02/01/2020 18:40

That’s not cool Angry

Clangus00 · 02/01/2020 18:42

It’s not nice and I feel for you BUT it’s her wedding and she obviously just doesn’t want you as anything other than a guest.
Maybe she loves you as a sister but isn’t overly fond of you otherwise?

Clangus00 · 02/01/2020 18:43

Don’t boycot the wedding, because then you’ll be the “bad” one in everyone’s eyes.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/01/2020 18:43

Well, I think she's being very clear as to how much she values the relationship and your feelings. I'm sorry, op.

G3m81 · 02/01/2020 18:47

@WillOfSteel looks like you'll just have to put on a smile and accept it. The problem with things like this is the fallout from it, your holiday for example, are you going to be able to act as if you don't mind when you are all together?

Weddings & funerals always bring out the family arguments or start new ones. I'm glad I'm from a small family!

Original poster
WillOfSteel · 02/01/2020 18:56

I think it has made it clear, which is very sad. I don't really have any other family. My parents aren't very nice people, and I don't really know the distant relatives. My other sister is acting like it's not big deal at all, but it is, it making a strong statement about how she feels about us as sisters :(

OP posts:
Original poster
WillOfSteel · 02/01/2020 18:57

@G3m81

I don't think I can act normal on holidays, and given how my other sisters responded, maybe it's time to distance myself from them.

OP posts:
Idontkowmyname · 02/01/2020 19:01

I’d find it hurtful too, particularly as it was communicated via text

Pilot12 · 02/01/2020 19:03

If you go to the wedding you'll have lots of people asking you why your sister is a bridesmaid and you're not. You could say "I didn't get asked" as your answer.

I was upset when my sister didn't ask me to be bridesmaid (I was in my 30's at this point). I asked my Mum why I hadn't been asked and she said it was because my sister didn't think I'd be interested, a bridesmaid is something that little girls want to be not grown women. When my sister found out I was upset I got asked and was her only adult bridesmaid.

You could just bite the bullet and ask or do what I did and ask someone close to the bride. At least you'll know why and can decide whether to go or not.

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 02/01/2020 19:04

Are you married?

Not saying that telling you by text was nice, but if you are perhaps she just discounted you for that reason. I wouldn't ask a married sister to be a bridesmaid (I'd assume she'd want to sit with her husband) but would probably have asked you to do a reading.

Original poster
WillOfSteel · 02/01/2020 19:06

@PolkadotsAndMoonbeams

No I'm not married, and neither is my other sister.

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 02/01/2020 19:11

I think threatening to boycott the wedding because you weren’t asked to be bridesmaid is far worse than your sister choosing just one sibling as bridesmaid.

Surely you should be happy for her, it’s not your day or event.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 02/01/2020 19:14

I didn't ask all my sisters. It cost an absolute fortune to pay for dresses, hairdressers etc and gifts. DH only wanted one groomsman and his best man. So we did two on each side.

If they are having 6 of each that's a bit pointed though. I'd wonder what I'd done to offend. On the upside you won't have to wear what will probably be a grim dress if it's got to do 6 different body shapes!

You could always turn up in black....or white.... Wink

HotPenguin · 02/01/2020 19:16

The fact there are 6 bridesmaids makes this a lot worse IMO, who are these are 5 people who are more important than her own sister? I don't blame you for not wanting to go in these circs, it's embarrassing and weird and people will wonder why you aren't bridesmaid. If she just had one and it was a v small wedding I could understand.

Disfordarkchocolate · 02/01/2020 19:18

I wouldn't be bothered at all. Enjoy the wedding as a guest and work on your relationship with your sister afterwards.

bengalcat · 02/01/2020 19:20

O just go have a great time ( at least outwardly ) and compliment her on how lovely her bridesmaids look .

Disfordarkchocolate · 02/01/2020 19:20

When you decide to get married so many people suddenly start telling you who you have to invite, what you have to wear etc. It's awful when this happens, it adds so much stress.

SandyY2K · 02/01/2020 19:23

I asked one sister to be a bridesmaid but not the other. The reason is the sister I didn't ask was married and I'm not sure I would have asked her anyway as she's my older sister.

In our culture it looks a bit off when the younger ones marry before the older ones (so they say) and ppl just draw attention to it by asking questions to the unmarried older sister. I've witnessed it.

In the end I asked my older sis to be a Matron of honour. It's not about closeness in my case, as I'm very close to her.

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