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Original poster

Am I right to be upset about the wedding

48 replies

WillOfSteel · 02/01/2020 18:25

Hello, I was just looking for some advice as I feel very hurt and conflicted. My sister is getting married this year, and I found out she has asked my other sister to be bridesmaid but not me. She only told me when she had to, by text, with no explanation. We aren't really close, whereas they are as I live in a different city, but we all go on holiday together every year etc. I just feel it's such a huge snub, and quite a horrible thing to do to only ask her and it makes me not want to go to the wedding. I'm not sure if I'm overacting though?

OP posts:

Lofari · 02/01/2020 19:25

I think you're well within your rights to be offended

My sister didn't want me as a bridesmaid because im not slim. Guess I would have ruined her pics.

EoinMcLovesCakeJumper · 02/01/2020 19:29

I'm not sure I could be the bigger person in this scenario. If it was a small wedding and she was only having one bridesmaid, that would be a bit different. But it's a big affair and she's having six? It's obviously not as some pp have said, anything to do with expense, or tradition, since you're not married yourself.

It's all very well telling you that you ought to go anyway but this sounds like a deliberate snub to me.

Gutterton · 02/01/2020 19:36

Sounds like there is history if you have already had a conversation about lack of contact and now making more effort.

But that’s a big public snub.

She is telling you v clearly what she thinks of you. Obviously there is tension as your other DS is getting cross and trying not to get involved.

You need to remain indifferent and dignified now. Don’t be provoked into starting a row.

As PP has said - it might be noted at the wedding and she will look petty.

I would be make sure that you outshone them all!

6 bridesmaids? Bridezilla knob head!

Original poster

WillOfSteel · 02/01/2020 19:52

That's what makes it worse, I know people will ask and will think it's weird. I thought I could rely on my sisters I guess as I struggle with depression etc, but it seems not and that been demonstrated in such a public and outward way.

OP posts:

Gutterton · 02/01/2020 20:52

It doesn’t matter what people think. They will judge her not you. Keep dignified.

SouthWestmom · 02/01/2020 20:57

My dm refused to come to my wedding if I didn't have (d)sis as a bridesmaid. She bloody ruined the whole thing, customised her dress, refused to have her hair done, and announced her pregnancy to everyone except me during the reception.

Is there a back story op 😂?

Cheeseboardcriminal · 02/01/2020 20:59

If anyone asks just say it was too much having to travel for dress fittings, make up trials, hen do planning etc

PixiKitKat · 02/01/2020 21:06

It's her wedding. You may be her sister but you say you aren't that close. She probably has friends she is closer to that are like sisters.
I'm glad I only have one sister as I have friends I am closer to than her but fortunately I can include her too.
I think you should go to the wedding and be happy for your sister and then work on your relationship with her so you do become closer.

Disfordarkchocolate · 02/01/2020 21:18

I've been married twice, never had adult bridesmaids. Was everyone judging me and I never noticed, are my sisters holding massive grudges? Baffled.

EoinMcLovesCakeJumper · 02/01/2020 21:47

It's hardly the same scenario darkchocolate. You didn't invite one of your sisters to be bridesmaid, along with 5 other people, and leave another sister out. Likewise Noeuf, nothing like the OP's situation at all.

I don't understand why people are being so obtuse by relating completely different tales and thinking that it constitutes a counter argument.

JKScot4 · 02/01/2020 21:52

I think it’s mean, 6 bridesmaids should include her 2 sisters, plus 6 is too many. My eldest DD is having her 2 Dsis; no friends purely to avoid friends being upset over who is chosen.

Disfordarkchocolate · 02/01/2020 22:03

I just honestly think that brides should have who they want as bridesmaids EoinMcLovesCakeJumper, people are a lot happier when there is less judgement and interference about.

dudsville · 02/01/2020 22:07

I would be upset. I would feel embarrassed. Usually an invitation to a wedding makes you feel included in the celebration, even if you know where you sit in the pecking order. This wedding highlights pecking order and spoils any chance of being able to celebrate.

dudsville · 02/01/2020 22:10

I think I would claim a health crisis at the least minute btw, rather than state in advance why I wasn't attending. Her not choosing you isn't the issue, it's the side effect, but it's not the right time to discuss the issue while she's preparing for her wedding.

AlternativePerspective · 02/01/2020 22:17

IMO there is far too much expectation on how people should behave to others because they’re family

OP you and your sister aren’t close. If she wasn’t your sister would you be friends? Honestly?

This notion that someone should be asked to be bridesmaid purely on the basis they’re family is ridiculous. And refusing to go to the wedding is petty.

Oulidae · 02/01/2020 22:21

The wedding is one day to support and celebrate your sister and her partners relationship. Do not try to make it about you and your feelings. If you don't go just because your ego is bruised then your sister probably made the right choice in not wanting you as a bridesmaid.

TitianaTitsling · 02/01/2020 22:27

Would you have her as bridesmaid?

Original poster

WillOfSteel · 02/01/2020 22:34

Yes I would have had her as my bridesmaid (not anymore obviously), or neither of them, I would never have just chosen one of them as I think that is a horrible thing to do.

I don't think it's petty, given the travel and hotel this wedding will cost me well over 300 pounds. I don't have much money so this isn't a small amount for one day, for someone who clearly thinks very little of me, and couldn't even be bothered to tell me properly. So no, although I have no choice but to attend, given her decision, I do not feel like celebrating her.

OP posts:

Oulidae · 02/01/2020 22:57

Out of interest why do you think you are entitled to be a bridesmaid? Is it really just because the other sister who you admit is much closer to the bride will be one? Do you think the bride should make you a bridesmaid just to soothe your ego?

Ohyesiam · 02/01/2020 23:05

Do you think the bride should make you a bridesmaid just to soothe your ego?
Can’t you read? She feels rejected and disappointed . Do you know what an ego is?
It’s really rude to just ask one sister.

FamilyOfAliens · 02/01/2020 23:13

If anyone asks just say it was too much having to travel for dress fittings, make up trials, hen do planning etc

Why lie?

As a PP said, if anyone asks why you’re not a bridesmaid, just say it’s because you weren’t asked.

Oulidae · 03/01/2020 00:22

Do you know what an ego is? It’s really rude to just ask one sister.

Ego - your idea or opinion of yourself, especially your feeling of your own importance and ability

Why is it rude to make the closer sister a bridesmaid and not the other? Is it because it might make one sister feel less important?

Weddings for me should be all about the Bride and Groom's wishes and feelings to make it their perfect day. In the culture I was brought up in we fully support and celebrate a family members wedding regardless of the role/place we have been given. As it is their special day, not mine.
¯\(ツ)/¯

Jsjeksmne · 03/01/2020 00:40

She should’ve asked you. You all go on holiday together. And there are other bridesmaids.

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