Fiancé Wants to go Back to BF/GF

[HeadIsPickled]

Hi everyone, just after some thoughts and opinions. Maybe even some advice.

I got engaged in July. Mid-Dec he announced out the blue he no longer wants to get married and left me. We've talked it through and I've agreed to start over, but I'm finding it incredibly difficult. I feel hurt, rejected and the trust has been shattered. His reasons were he got scared and he also wants to be in a better place financially etc.

Do you think there's anyway to make this work? Is it a case of cold feet and he'll come around? Should I cut my losses now and run?

I'm very confused

So is he now saying that he wants to get married sometime / maybe / never? It could be cold feet but he needs to give you a definite timescale. How long have you been together?

I'd cut my losses. You'd never be able to trust him if he proposed again, and the relationship isn't moving forwarc.

Are you ever going to be able to trust what he says again? Trust any commitment or promises that he makes?

If he 'simply' changed his mind about marriage because he was worried about money then he didn't need to leave you, did he? You could have talked it through like, I dunno, adults. Why did he need to leave? What's changed since then? What is he proposing to do to convince you he's never going to do it again?

Cut your losses. A wedding doesn’t have to be expensive. Our was a registry office then a pub meal with a few family members and friends. Personally I wouldn’t put anymore time into him. You deserve someone who doesn’t take off and then come crawling back.

To me it would be a step backwards.
That said, I know a couple who postponed their wedding because they were having some doubts. I actually thought it was the sensible thing to do. They never formally broke up or separated, they just wanted a bit of time before making such a big commitment.
Can totally see why you feel hurt though. I'm not sure I could deal with it if it was all one sided - ie one person deciding the go backwards as oppose to it being a mutual decision.

You don't have to decide anything. If he's been lovely until recently then maybe it's stress and you can get back gradually to where you were with no rush or pressure or decide that actually he isn't for you.

Is forget him, he can't love you very much if he left you.

Maybe he had another woman to go to and it didn't work out so he's now back with you?

Maybe he had another woman to go to and it didn't work out so he's now back with you?

My first thought too.

Leave him . I had this when I was young and went back to this situation . He left later .

you have said nothing that makes me thing this is the person for you, you have been hurt, you were rejected for no good reason, even after discussing it with him it sounds like you dont know truly why he did what he did, you dont know was it just cold feet you're asking us, and you know you cant trust him...whats in it for you, find someone who has the maturity and intellegence to know their own mind and know they want to be with you fully

It all depends really on who took the lead on getting back together after he called off the wedding and who took the lead on getting married in the first place. Did he feel under pressure to propose or did he propose and then wedding planning started escalating. Is it really the cost he was scared of or the commitment?
Only you know the answers to the above, I suppose it depends on whether you believe his reasoning.. worrying about the cost of the wedding or you think he has some deeper anxiety.
What is his response to your saying there's now a lack of trust?

Should I cut my losses now and run?
Yes you should do this!!!!!
That's a fucking shitty thing for him to do.

Run for your life. This man can not be trusted, and the way he has treated you is appalling. I'd bet my house there was another woman in the picture.

Nope. Give him back his ring & cut your losses.

I think it depends on some factors such as your ages, length of time together and any specific financial worries.

If you have been together a year, early 20s and heavy debt then it might have a point!

it's over OP

Sorry OP, the relationship is over. It can not recover from what he has said and done

Definitely cut your losses.

Thanks for your input everyone.

I've decided to leave.

Well done. It's the right thing to do. His loss!

Leaving him is the best decision you've ever made.

If it was me in that situation I'd definitely pack up and leave. A relationship should be moving forward not backwards. But in reality there's only you that can decide what you want to do. If you stay I'd reckon he will end up hurting you again

So within 6 months he’s gone from wanting to spend the rest of his life with you, to changing his mind because he “wants to be in a better place financially”

Nah you deserve better

Leave him. Now. My SIL went through this, got engaged and suddenly they were no longer engaged. They had a baby and were on and off for years, having painful arguments at every point. Finally broke up for good and now SIL is having to deal with the house they bought together. He's being extremely difficult about everything just to annoy her. Leave him now, enjoy being single and don't waste your time on any man who isn't prepared to show his love and commitment.

Sorry only just read that you'd decided to leave him. Well done!