thinking of leaving.. been married less than 3 months

[jollyme12]

So I have been married for under 3 months but was with my DH for quite a while before tying the knot. We had a big lavish wedding mainly funded by my parents and his (makes me think before I consider leaving), currently renting a house together before we buy.

Quick background on DH, his mother was abusive throughout his childhood so he does not speak to her and his father is in his life but isn’t the greatest support. His siblings do not speak to him at all. My family are lovely and always have been. Sometimes he has issues with my family because according to him I treat them better than I treat him which is not the case at all. My family have done nothing but be good to him. My brothers are laid back and we always have a laugh and I feel like he is the opposite of them sometimes, and is always in some sort of mood.

When we argue he gets really nasty and swears uncontrollably at me, swears such as you’re a cu** or he will tell me I am selfish, he will then bring up incidents from the past and use them against me even if that argument was resolved already. He then goes on to say he made a mistake in marrying me, he provokes me to swear back at him (I never swear) fast forward few hours on when I have cried and felt distraught he apologises and says he didn’t mean it and about how much he loves me etc. I am sure his broken family upbringing where his mother was constantly swearing has impacted him in many ways. Sometimes he will just snap at me randomly, for example yesterday we were making dinner in the kitchen and I must have left some packaging from some food on the floor, he picks it up and comes in to the living room stating why are you always leaving rubbish around pick it up. I believe he does have anger issues and I have even said maybe you should go on anger management to which he responds I don’t have anger issues.

Before we were married, things were different, he was a nicer person however we did argue then. Sometimes I blame myself, I should have known.

I feel embarrassed about the length of time I have been married and i already want out.

I am so confused, half of me wants to leave but the other doesn’t as I do love him. And when we have good times they are good. Has anyone been through anything similar?

Oh yeah defo lweji. It'll suddenly be 'let's go to counseling' and 'I can't believe you are willing to just throw 'us' away', 'you obviously don't care/never loved me' boohhooooo wahhh.

Don't fall for any of the emotionally manipulative bullshit.

Be prepared for other ppl you both know to approach you and be like 'he says he's changed, he seems really sorry' blah blah too,later down the line as they like to rope other ppl into their games.

This is abuse. It also sounds like he has some kind of cluster b disorder: probably borderline personality due to his childhood. Get out as soon as you can. Don’t buy the house. Or have kids. Qualification for saying this is that I did marry one, things happened exactly as you describe above and my life became a nightmare, I had a breakdown due to his cruelty and it’s taken a year since we split for me to feel normal again. Life is too short. He won’t get better.