This can't be normal, is it?

[Norwegianleatherindustry]

It can't be normal to secretly wish your husband would die in the night, because this would be less traumatic than leaving him?

I feel so trapped and miserable. I've wanted to leave him for so long but I don't know how to. I tried in 2017 but he talked me out of it, saying it's normal for love to fade to friendship. I believed him. I don't have many friends in high-functioning relationships; my own parents were bizarre and dysfunctional.

I want to go but I don't know how to do it. DH is 23 years older. I've been with him more than ten years and I know for certain this isn't what I want anymore. I am so different now to the way I was when we met. There is so much about him that I dislike now.

I'm sick of starting each year thinking 'this HAS to be the year when you break away', but ending the year still stuck with him. It depresses me beyond words.

This just came up in active convos which might help:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3772360-Support-thread-trapped-in-an-unhappy-relationship-and-can-t-leave-can-t-leave-yet

@alexaambidextra, mine isn't violent but is drunk most evenings.
@branleuse, I'm going to phone relate in the morning. Me and half the country.

@0hforffoxsake thank you so much

Someone once said to me- what will happen in 3 months if you don't do anything, nothing will change unless you do. I was in your shoes, l was in turmoil of ages. The fear of leaving was overwhelming but l have to say that you don't regret the things you do, only the ones you didn't do. Pack away a few bits and pieces, get your paperwork in order. You can do this, best of luck OP.

Thank you @Jingers5.

I am beginning to feel that it might be possible.

I don't want to start yet another year like this. I just can't. I know I'm feeling it very acutely at the moment cos I've been with him for the last ten days.

I think that in your mind that you are plucking up the courage to leave which is natural. If you are not going to be happy then no point in being miserable. It's so hard to do so l sympathise with you. Keep strong and focus on what you want for your future.

You need to leave this is going to go nowhere, would you continue driving down a road if you knew it was a dead end? Rip band aid off and don't worry about what he will try to do just worry about being happy

I'm in the same position? Married for 27 years but want to get out.. I'm finding a way and then strength to..

Oh love I have felt like this and that's how I know things aren't right. You're not alone. No, it is not normal. I am heading into 2020 trying to be brave and plan the split as the thought of another possible 20-30 years is awful 😔 I never imagined feeling this way - thought I had married for life.

Rollon you've made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. My DH was lucky to walk away from an accident in the snow a few years ago that wrote his car off. There's been a few times I've half hoped it would happen again and I feel so guilty and awful for thinking it.

I took the kids to my parents and then went to Women's Aid and they literally explained my life. It was like they had been in the house and seen everything.

It wasn't difficult in the brave sense. I just literally couldn't take it anymore.

We bought a new house. The day of completion he mentioned when the dc left home we would get a small house for just us. I had an actual panic attack thinking of still being with him then and not even having the dc there...
Fate played a hand and he got arrested for drink driving and I filed for divorce...

OP I was you. NYE 2018 was the final straw for me and I SWORE that I would not spend another new year with him. NYE 2019 I spent with friends, far away from him. I moved out at the back end of last year and although we have DC so I'm still not completely free of him, he has lost the majority of control he used to have over me. I started this year knowing I made it, I got away.

You CAN do it. It will be hard and horrid at times but you will get through it and be so much happier