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Original poster

Is he interested in me?

46 replies

AnabelleG · 01/01/2020 17:22

I have been friends with this guy and his girlfriend for almost 15 years, we are all quite close.

Lately I have been thinking about him a lot. A few nights ago he walked me home and we had a brief kiss in my kitchen. We had both been drinking and I am unsure how it started.

I saw him again last night and we spoke a little about what had happened. He said he was surprised it did and that he’d have continued had someone not been outside my house, he then stroked my back. I said sorry and it shouldn’t have happened, he just smiled and stroked me again.

We were then in company the rest of the night and nothing more was said.

I can’t stop thinking of him, but obviously can’t pick up the phone and talk to him, so I am just going crazy trying to work out what it all means.

I was widowed 6 years ago aged 34 with a young daughter, and haven’t thought of anyone else since.

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 01/01/2020 18:35

God knows, but you are playing with fire.

SmellMySmellbow · 01/01/2020 18:39

Don't be the other woman. If he likes you enough to leave her for you, fine, (if the attraction deepens further) but he cheated on his girlfriend (your friend!) by kissing you. Gross. Don't let it happen again. If you're both desperate to, he can finish his current relationship first and you can both deal with the fall-out. But there is never any excuse to cheat.

CoffeeCoinneseur · 01/01/2020 18:39

I guess it means you're a shit friend and he fancies a shag behind his girlfriend's back.

HTH.

Joeler · 01/01/2020 18:42

Sounds like he's up for an affair,but he's got a girlfriend who you are friendly with.You're worth more than being some one's bit on the side. To even give this head space you must be lonely.Why don't you do some on line dating and find someone who will be all yours.If you pursue this,2020 will be a rollercoaster of emotions for you and all involved.

Dawn99 · 01/01/2020 18:49

If he will do it with you, he will do it to you so whatever it may turn into will be a dead end. And ruin relationships along the way.

Maybe this just shows that you are ready to date again after your bereavement...? Find some single mates to hang out with when trying to meet someone. Or go online as suggested.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 01/01/2020 18:58

You're clearly not friends with his girlfriend. It's irrelevant whether he fancies you or not. Keep your distance.

SylvanianFrenemies · 01/01/2020 19:03

I know you want to think he's desperately in love with you, but it sounds more like he's in love with the idea of using you as a wank sock.
If this was about feelings he would end it with his girlfriend. He hasnt. He doesn't think either of you are worthy of his respect.
Stop being a shit friend, and get some self-respect.

Original poster
AnabelleG · 02/01/2020 08:44

Thanks for all the responses.

For me the thought of dating apps terrifies me, I am 40 years old with a 9 year old daughter. The thought of bringing someone else into our lives worries me. Where as this guy is already part of our circle and has seen me at rock bottom and adores my daughter.

I know the situation is far from ideal. I just felt that over Christmas there was a change in our relationship. Maybe I was just finding the festive period hard and I am looking for something that’s not there. It just gave me a little spark to think he liked me.

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 02/01/2020 09:26

@AnabelleG you called his girlfriend your friend. Would you really be with your friends partner?

If so, you're a shitty person. I'm sorry but it's true.

Pinkbonbon · 02/01/2020 09:33

He sounds creepy AF. He stroked your back? Cringe. If you didn't fancy him you would see that for what it is - inappropriate and creepy. Because he is inappropriate and creepy.

Don't see him again. Certainly not in private. He has a gf. And has made it obvious he wants something secret with you. You need to consider your own moral fibre, I thought his partner was your friend?

Im gonna be harsh now: You should be ashamed of even considering something with this sleezeball. You don't get it on with your friends man just because you are too much of a coward to try to find your own.

Give your head a wobble. End this 'friendship' because he clearly has no respect for you or the woman he is supposed to love. That isn't a friend, it's a selfish prick. Don't be dragged down to his level.

Walk away.

sonjadog · 02/01/2020 09:48

He might like you. If he is a decent guy, he will now end it with his girlfriend before approaching you again. If he doesn't break up with his girlfriend, then he is a cheat and just looking for someone to cheat with.

If you get together, you can count on losing her friendship and possibly that of mutual friends. Are you okay with that?

Miniloso · 02/01/2020 09:54

Oh well, when you get a boyfriend I guess it’s ok for your friend to kiss him behind your back then.

Dieu · 02/01/2020 09:59

Plenty of people manage the online dating perfectly well. And it's by far the better alternative to cheating behind your 'friend's' back.
Don't go with this guy just because he seems like an easy option for you to get a bit of romance. I totally understand that you've had your head turned, but he is not the easy or ethical option.

SmellMySmellbow · 02/01/2020 14:48

You're being very selfish (as is he) He ticks your boxes so you'd be OK with being his other woman? With him cheating on your friend with you? Well clearly you are as you already have. Let's say he actually leaves her for you before it goes any further - are you comfortable with doing that to her? And you'd trust him not to do the same to you in a few years?

Palavah · 02/01/2020 14:51

He's just not that into you if he's going out with someone else.

Don't you and your daughter deserve better than someone who cheats on their long-term girlfriend.

You need to have a long look in the mirror before you call yourself this woman's friend.

Palavah · 02/01/2020 14:51

Oh - also, what it 'means' is that he fancies some attention/a shag.

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 02/01/2020 15:02

You sound vile regardless what's happened to you in the past it doesnt give you the right to do the dirty on you're friend with her bf shame on you. What does it actually teach you're dd.

MaidenMotherCrone · 02/01/2020 15:17

Keep your knees together and see how interested he is!

Joeler · 02/01/2020 19:00

I'd also do some digging around " your circle" to find out if he's tried it on with any of them. If it's taken him this long to make a move on you,it's hardly deep love/lust. It'd be horrible for you to fall for him then find out he's been doing the dirty on your friend for years.I hope that's not too harsh.I know you are in a vulnerable position and probably get lonely and Christmas time must make you really miss your husband,but he strong and stay away.The fact that this man (who's been friends with you and knows about your circumstances) has done this and is willing to manipulate the situation for his own selfish ends speaks volumes!

Elieza · 02/01/2020 19:07

Run.
He’s into you. And possibly his gf at the same time. Yuk. Best not to be the OW. It will all end in tears.

mamato3lads · 02/01/2020 19:12

What about the girlfriend, is she an actual "friend"? If so, leave him alone to cheat with someone else , dont be the OW it's unlikely to end well for anyone

Original poster
AnabelleG · 02/01/2020 19:30

Gosh, I am not sure what to think. I am not thinking of entering into a relationship with him where I become a ‘cock sock’ or the OW. My husband, him and I were friends and then he got a girlfriend, it’s not for me to discuss then relationship they have.

He’s been like a brother to me, he was very close with my husband. It’s been six years since I lost him very suddenly.

I wasn’t looking for validation on an affair with this man, I am not looking to hurt his girlfriend. The drunken kiss happened, I regret that.

I was simply asking wether or not or our feelings for one another are changing, this is a huge deal for me, and I expect him too. The reason I mention his circumstances was to show how I sadly can’t talk to him about my current feelings, I was hoping for a female perspective on things, as since he’s such an old friend many family members know him and close friends so it would be hard to discuss it with them.

Maybe I have just made a huge fool of myself at a very emotional time of the year. I apologise if I have upset anyone.

OP posts:
Palavah · 02/01/2020 19:57

Well, his behaviour makes it quite clear that he's not going to k moderate his behaviour so if you don't want to get involved with him then you had best not spend time with him, alone at least.

SmellMySmellbow · 02/01/2020 20:04

Well your feelings for him obviously are changing as you kissed him. You need to either discuss it with him directly or if you can't then don't but you absolutely need to avoid any kissing, flirting or inappropriate touching while he has a girlfriend. If he tries, stop him in his tracks, no matter how flattering. I'm sorry you lost your husband, truly, but your shared past does not excuse any infidelity. If he truly feels romantic towards you he should declare so to his girlfriend and end things with her first, whether you both intend to pursue it or not.

Cheeseboardcriminal · 02/01/2020 20:08

I would give him a wide berth, he seems like a right creep preying on you when you are lonely and vulnerable.

Holidays are so difficult when you have lost someone.

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