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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What do you think about this friend ?

34 replies

KatvonC · 01/01/2020 15:54

Well i'm not exactly sure I can call her a close friend, I met her through a friend of mine she's close with.
She can come across as quite frosty the first time you meet her but apparently it's shyness. Anyway I found her a little intimidating as she also comes across as very sure of herself, but tried to be friendly with her.

I thought we had had a good chat on a night out and then apparently she said to my friend "You could tell she was really nervous".
I did the ombre hair thing for my friend, and then apparently this girl saw it and said, "No, that's not how you do it. Next time i'll do it."

I thought she had an issue with me but then one day she messaged me saying she had a spare room and was looking for a flatmate. I was maybe relocating so didn't want to commit to something then have to leave again, but I was flattered she had asked me.

A few weeks later, she still didn't have anyone and asked me again, offering reduced rent. I wrote back, trying to explain in more detail why I couldn't. Then she said to my friend about me, "She wrote me yet another long message this morning.".

Then I saw her one night at a party and chatted to her a little more and she was friendly.

I don't know what to make of her at all. Maybe she's just very two-faced. I felt like she didn't like me, but then why ask me to move in with you ? Can't work her out at all.

OP posts:
Ineedaweeinpeace · 01/01/2020 15:57

She needed the money. She is two faced - steer clear x

Original poster
KatvonC · 01/01/2020 15:58

Yeah, it probably was a money thing. She had been living with her ex and they split up and he moved out.

OP posts:
ihatethecold · 01/01/2020 16:00

Keep away. She sounds nasty.

Original poster
KatvonC · 01/01/2020 16:02

She is incredibly self-confident, which is good, and was telling me how she realised at a certain age that she could use her looks to her advantage, and also how men realise she's beautiful AND clever. She can be nice and fun too, I just don't feel like I could trust her not to say more stuff behind my back.

OP posts:
Daisydoola · 01/01/2020 16:03

She's not a friend.

Avoid.

Anthilda · 01/01/2020 16:03

Shes two faced

Original poster
KatvonC · 01/01/2020 16:04

I think 2020 will be the year to get rid of any false friends or negativity !

OP posts:
Obsidian77 · 01/01/2020 16:04

Why is your other friend telling you all this?

Ineedaweeinpeace · 01/01/2020 16:05

Mate, she sounds like a psychopath/incredibly manipulative. Do not engage with her!

Original poster
KatvonC · 01/01/2020 16:06

To be honest I have no idea why the other friend tells me this. Because she's good friends with her so she isn't doing it in a 'look out for her' sort of way.

OP posts:
Scabetty · 01/01/2020 16:06

Hang on, your friend it telling you this woman said all this. I think the friend is keeping you two from getting close so she is the main friend.

Original poster
KatvonC · 01/01/2020 16:07

I don't know, maybe. I'm not close with her at all though.

OP posts:
Obsidian77 · 01/01/2020 16:07

She doesn't sound very nice. Try not to let her get into your head.

MayFayner · 01/01/2020 16:08

I’d be wary of both of them tbh.

Original poster
KatvonC · 01/01/2020 16:09

I think I will just distance myself from her. You can see she does it to everyone, she was complaining to us about her boyfriend lacking ambition and not earning as much as she does, then she was slagging off a new colleague saying, "her hair always has to be perfect", so I think she does it with other people.

OP posts:
Sassypants82 · 01/01/2020 16:10

I'm surprised that the common friend is telling you all she says about you.. Why is that?

loutypips · 01/01/2020 16:10

Sounds like your other 'friend' who's telling you all this stuff is shit-stirring!

Turquiose · 01/01/2020 16:10

Neither of them sound nice talking about you behind your back and then your friend stirring it by relaying it back to you.

DowntonCrabby · 01/01/2020 16:10

She’s two-faced and massively insecure about your friendship with the mutual friend.

Steer clear.

Original poster
KatvonC · 01/01/2020 16:15

Yeah, I agree I don't know why she tells me. She does it in a very nonchalant and casual way, and it does make me wonder what sort of discussions they have had about me.

OP posts:
Ineedaweeinpeace · 01/01/2020 16:19

Sounds like they are both not really your friends
OP. And by the way you’ve asked all this it sounds like it’s troubling you.

New year to get on without anybody causing you brain ache x

Original poster
KatvonC · 01/01/2020 16:21

I agree I don't think it's acceptable to pass on these bitchy remarks just because she doesn't know me as well. I have other friends who I could never imagine that happening with.

OP posts:
Original poster
KatvonC · 01/01/2020 16:22

I've got rid of a couple of toxic 'friendships' at the end of 2019 and genuinely have trouble trusting and knowing who is a real friend.

OP posts:
selmabear · 01/01/2020 16:26

The friend who is relaying these messages to you is not your friend OP. She's being hurtful and it basically putting you down and using her friend to do it.

Original poster
KatvonC · 01/01/2020 16:30

Yeah.. You've got to ask what she would get out of it. I can understand her telling me the 'nervous' one maybe as means of helping me, but the others were absolutely unnecessary and hurtful.

OP posts: