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Original poster

Worried friend is being catfished

84 replies

Catfishconcern · 31/12/2019 10:46

Is it possible for someone to send a DM to you on Instagram that looks like it comes from a celebrity account?
I am worried about a friend who follows a celebrity on Instagram. He sent her a DM, she was thrilled, and they’ve been messaging back and forth ever since, since around October. Their relationship has become very close, they share intimate details and have discussed the future - to the point where she believes they’ll be together. She is trying to arrange to meet him through his management team at the moment so we’ll see what happens with that. He is going along with it saying he’s also very keen to meet.
I hope it’s all real for her sake as she has really fallen for him. He has sent her messages about his love for her etc. She is in her early 60s, he is mid 40s and very famous and fanciable. It just seems too good to be true.
However she is convinced it’s him because she was following his verified real Instagram account and she got a DM from that account.
I’m so worried about her.

OP posts:
Hundredacrewoods · 31/12/2019 11:23

It’s a scam. The norm is to video call before getting too invested to make sure the person is who they say they are. Also, not saying it couldn’t happen, but how many 40 year old famous men would fall for a 60 year old woman online?

Original poster
Catfishconcern · 31/12/2019 11:24

He’s single. I didn’t know much about it him but have since googled him! Apparently he’s a very private person, keeps his love life private but is single.

OP posts:
Chickychickydodah · 31/12/2019 11:24

I would tell her to video chat with him or if he refuses then run

bruffin · 31/12/2019 11:26

They had a similar story on Catfish TV shoe, turned out to one of the management team,(think he was also nephew of celeb)

Original poster
Catfishconcern · 31/12/2019 11:28

Yeah she’s so happy about him that I haven’t even suggested to her that it’s fake Crown Sad Which I know sounds awful but it’s been so busy lately with Christmas and I just feel speechless when she brings it up!! Need to think of a way to broach the subject and perhaps get her to press for video chats.

OP posts:
SapphosRock · 31/12/2019 11:59

She should ask him to friend request her on Facebook. Reasonable if they've been chatting a while and would be hard to fake.

It could be true, my friend hooked up with a very well known celeb via social media and he was the real thing.

Original poster
Catfishconcern · 31/12/2019 12:16

That would be so great if it was.

OP posts:
TheReluctantCountess · 31/12/2019 12:30

Oh it seems to far fetched to be true. Declaring his love for an older woman that he’s never met? Surely not.

Scarydinosaurs · 31/12/2019 12:34

Social media accounts can be run by an agency who use several different people to do the messaging. I wouldn’t have thought this was legitimate.

Has she even spoken to him on the phone?

WorraLiberty · 31/12/2019 12:35

Their relationship has become very close, they share intimate details and have discussed the future - to the point where she believes they’ll be together.

And yet they've never Face timed?

She knows it's not real but she's enjoying the feeling it's giving her.

tribpot · 31/12/2019 12:46

Right so just to be very clear, only one message has been exchanged via Instagram. All subsequent messaging has been done with a random phone number which has no verified connection with the Instagram account. Your initial post says they have been 'messaging back and forth', implying all this messaging has been done on Instagram but actually none of it has?

Does she still have his initial Instagram DM? I would assume if so you could look at it and see if it was just a clever fake. Even if the DM was sent from the verified account, it could have been hacked, it could have been an employee. The fact it quickly moved to a mobile number certainly doesn't suggest this is a real celebrity, why would he give his number to some rando member of the public when they could message on Instagram??

This sounds like a romance scam. There was a very good piece on Woman's Hour about this a few years ago, would be worth having a look for and see if you can persuade her to listen. It strikes me that he will inevitably have some kind of cashflow crisis in the near future and obviously being so rich and famous, she will happily lend him money as it will be back with her within days ... I think you do need to speak to her.

GrannyBags · 31/12/2019 12:53

Can you contact said celebrity either through his management team or on SM? It’s horrible to have to burst your friend’s bubble but I think you have to be cruel to be kind and show her some of the examples of scams posted here.

SophieSong · 31/12/2019 12:55

I think you have to have an honest chat with your friend. At the end of the day, if he is who he says he is and cares about her he won't mind doing a video chat, will he?

Dieu · 31/12/2019 12:59

No danger is a bona fide male celebrity going to be interested in a woman 20 years his senior.

Original poster
Catfishconcern · 31/12/2019 13:02

Tribpot yeah when I said they’d been messaging back and forth, I mean on a separate number - not on Instagram - only the first one or two messages were on Instagram. Sorry didn’t mean to make it unclear.
Thanks for link to the women’s hour thing. I’ll have a listen.
I will definitely say something to her, this thread has given me some good insights. I believed it was fake but now have some more thoughts on how it could’ve been set up etc. I’m going to talk to some mutual friends about how to best broach the subject with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Catfishconcern · 31/12/2019 13:03

Never spoken on the phone either. Just messaging (either on what’s app or texts, not sure which).

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 31/12/2019 13:04

I’m going to talk to some mutual friends about how to best broach the subject with her.

Christ! Just tell the woman she needs to video call him in case he's fake.

She's an adult, she'll know not everyone on the internet is who they say they are and if she gets funny with you about that, you'll know it's because she also thinks it's fake but is enjoying the chat.

No need to bring her other friends into it.

Sh0na · 31/12/2019 13:05

Oh no. This is awful. I see the delicate situation you're in.

But please be brave and ask her if it's possible the messages could be from somebody else. PLANT THE SEED. Before whoever it is asks for money. :-(

Original poster
Catfishconcern · 31/12/2019 13:06

There’s no need to, but I’d prefer to ...? This has been going on for weeks. I think it can wait a day or two while I figure out how to handle it. Plus I’m not necessarily the best person to talk to her, I think her daughter might be.

OP posts:
Original poster
Catfishconcern · 31/12/2019 13:08

Thanks Sh0na. Yeah I’m going to sort it ASAP. Either me or her daughter will speak to her.
He’s not asking for money right this second so it can wait a little while but I won’t leave it too long.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 31/12/2019 13:09

'How to broach it'. 'How to handle it'. Getting other friends involved and now possibly her daughter too?

She's a grown woman. She actually shouldn't need to be told this might be a fake person but since it sounds like she does, just mention she needs to video call him.

No fuss, no drama, just that.

NaughtyLittleElf · 31/12/2019 13:10

Regardless of celebrity status it's not good practice to chat to anyone for more than a couple of weeks without meeting but as an absolute minimum a FaceTime call, there are far too many men (and probably women) who are looking for pen pals, they want the attention and company but will never take it any further, getting into personal stuff and feelings is a bad idea.

Can you persuade her that if he's serious he'll accept a FaceTime call, if he's got time to text he's got time for a call.

LonginesPrime · 31/12/2019 13:14

There’s no need to, but I’d prefer to ...?

Why would you prefer to bring more of her real life friends and family into this?

Just suggest to her quietly that it might not be what it seems - there's no need to humiliate the poor woman or stage an intervention.

TheReluctantCountess · 31/12/2019 13:19

I agree with LonginesPrime - don’t bring others into it. Don’t humiliate her.

WorraLiberty · 31/12/2019 13:21

Exactly Longines, you put it better than me.

An internet thread, discussing it with other friends and then her daughter too is overkill.