Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He has just spat in my face

62 replies

industrial · 31/12/2019 08:18

We were arguing and he spat in my face, from inches away. I'm in shock. We are married but I started divorce proceedings last year. A few seconds before this he made a fist and brought it to my face but stopped.

OP posts:
Smotheroffive · 31/12/2019 09:00

Keep yourselves safe, and don't rush off anywhere without any advice or support, or key documentation unless its desperate.

WA will be able to advise on a safe plan of action, as just leaving isn't necessarily the safest way to go, despite it seeming to be the obvious knee jerk reaction.

Get expert advice.

Just to be clear, abuse and psychological disorders are different things (despite disorders often getting the blame for abuse, by the abusers themselves primarily, that and alchohol and drugs are all just pathethetic excuses).

FabbyChix · 31/12/2019 09:08

That’s assault id not stay with someone ever who done that to me

TwentyViginti · 31/12/2019 09:15

There is NOTHING for you to be ashamed of. You need rid of this filthy man as soon as you can.

Smotheroffive · 31/12/2019 09:18

On what basis is the divorce?

Are you still proceeding with it?

Can you ask him to leave based on his latest behaviour? As in, kick him out. What if you told his family he had done this and you have kicked him out, would they take him in, especially if they knew your next step was police involvement?

Would you fear consequences from him in doing this?

Astonsmum1 · 31/12/2019 09:18

I called the police on my partner the other day and they came out to speak to me, they were so helpful. He was away by this point but they took my statement and said it was my word against his however they would keep a log of everything and if anything happened again then it would all be filed. I even told them about incidents from the previous year and they said although we can’t charge him with that we will log that information also. They take it more seriously if kids are in the house. I know it’s scary the thought of phoning the police, I was terrified, but for once I had to show him actually you’re not allowed to abuse me and get away with it. It will show him that he cannot treat you that way, and it will benefit your children in the long run because you don’t want them thinking that this behaviour is acceptable. I know how hard it is believe me, and I know it’s scary, but he cannot abuse you, it is against the law and they take this very seriously. I hope you are safe and keep coming back here for support, it helps xx

Lllot5 · 31/12/2019 09:19

That is disgusting foul man.
Tell the police next time it might be the fist.
The shame is his not yours.

Astonsmum1 · 31/12/2019 09:20

I forgot to say that the police also went looking for him and did not give up till they found him and he had to hand himself in to a police station and get interviewed. It might scare your husband enough not to do it again.

selfcare · 31/12/2019 09:33

My ex spat in my face in public after a barber once gave him a haircut he didn't liike. I understand how it feels. Please do not remain in this relationship Flowers

Original poster
industrial · 31/12/2019 09:42

I started divorce proceedings last year, so we are separated but under the same roof.
I'm just waiting for someone from the helpline to call me.

OP posts:
Original poster
industrial · 31/12/2019 09:42

I'm just so shocked and terrified

OP posts:
HettySunshine · 31/12/2019 09:47

Can anyone come round and be with you? You and the children really shouldn't be alone in the house with this horrible man.

selfcare · 31/12/2019 09:59

Thank you for sharing it on here. I wish I had told someone at the time. I echo what others have said - the shame is all his. I will be thinking of you as I go about my day. Stay strong x

Fightingmycorner2019 · 31/12/2019 10:00

Well it’s a good job you are getting divorced!

Accelerate , the lawyers all get back

Sadly it always turns nasty . Stay safe and keep a wide berth Flowers

Fightingmycorner2019 · 31/12/2019 10:02

I also called the police in the latter stage with my ex
And when he got verbal I threatened him with it
Call the non emergency number if you are scared . They were really kind and it shows you take it seriously to the spitting twat

hellsbellsmelons · 31/12/2019 10:04

I'm too ashamed to tell anyone
This is problem with abuse.
Why are YOU ashamed?
What did you do?
Did you do anything wrong?
Were you abusive?
NO NO NO NO and again NO!!!!
You did nothing wrong,
You have absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed of.
Until you get this out there, he will continue to do it and get away with it.
That's what abuse thrives on, secrecy!!!
Stop keeping HIS secret!
Tell people about this.
Get all the support around you that you can!
Well done on calling someone but ensure you tell friends and family in real life.
You need them and they will want to help you!!!
Reach out.

Aminuts23 · 31/12/2019 10:05

Can’t you phone your lawyer today? Somebody should be there and they might be able to help you. It would be quicker than the helpline. If you were my client I’d have you in for an injunction today and have him excluded from the house. The courts are open today. Your lawyer will need you in quite early though to get it done. You also need to be at court as soon as possible after the last incident otherwise the ability to get an injunction loses its urgency. If your solicitors are not open call one that is.

Equanimitas · 31/12/2019 10:17

Contact a solicitor about getting an injunction to keep him away from you. You may well qualify for legal aid

Original poster
industrial · 31/12/2019 11:35

I've been on the phone to the helpline and they have been amazing. I now have a plan of action and a plan to keep myself safe. I feel so much better. I am still in shock.

OP posts:
StealthPussy · 31/12/2019 11:38

I am glad they have helped you. Consider Aminuts advice.

Stuckandsadintheupsidedown · 31/12/2019 11:48

You can do it OP. I've been in your situation exactly, please accept all the help you can get from women's aid. I think a refuge or trying to get an occupational order will probably be best for you. Try to keep the kids busy and gather your documents, birth certificates and things if you can do so safely. You are so brave and the shame is entirely his

12345kbm · 31/12/2019 12:48

Your situation is untenable and you need to get away from him. If you contact the NCDV they can talk you through your various options and may be able to get you an emergency Occupation Order 0800 970 2070 - website so you can read up about it: www.ncdv.org.uk

Police can make a referral so discuss it with them if that's suitable for the situation after speaking to the NCDV.

Smotheroffive · 31/12/2019 12:48

So pleased to hear this Industrial

I hope it includes plans to kick him out rather than lose your home because of his assault.

You need an occupation order and non-molestation order.

You can call the court yourself for their process to apply, pay the small administration cost and speak to the judge yourself direct.

heyday · 31/12/2019 13:39

Living under the same roof must be immensely stressful for you all. This terrible thing has happened and you now have a plan to keep yourself safe. Keep things civil, stay calm and have as little contact with him as possible. Your plan now has to be the cessation of you both living under the same roof and how that can be carried out. Stay safe

Original poster
industrial · 31/12/2019 14:01

He is telling me now it's my fault and I provoked him.

OP posts:
Wonkydonkey44 · 31/12/2019 14:06

Ignore and don’t engage . My ex spat in my face as well . Probably one of the worse things he did , it is vile . I would report to the police and things do tend to escalate Flowers

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread